Beer in bottles or bi-metal cans? Glass liquor containers? Nein Danke! When trucking in the desert, we prefer our drinks in recyclable, non-breakable aluminum cans and plastic bottles. And powdered concoctions like Gatorade and Tang can be repackaged in heavy-duty ziplock bags to save space. In high heat, take breaks and drink at least a couple of quarts non-alcoholic stuff a day, to avoid heat exhaustion and muscle cramps.
Rainier - little cousin of the green devil ... like moshing in a Yakima hop kiln!!
Labatt - a dry Canadian ... like taking the puck all the way down the playa!!
Olympia - smells like Tumwater ... kinda ... wait, bro ... gotta put on my beer glove!!
Hamm's - from the land of sky-high tall bikes ... watch out, no brakes!!
Murphy's Irish Stout - pleasantly smokey ... like the charred remains of a 40-foot wooden effigy!!
Oranjeboom - fat and sassy ... like most of my campmates!!
Ruddles Pub Ale Draught - an English-style bitter ale ... jolly as a naked mime on amphetamines!!
Guinness Stout - Dublin's classic mind bender ... tastes great, completely filling ... like camp food!!
Abbot Ale - like a warm afternoon laying in the grass ... or in the trackless wastes of Nevada!!
Boddingtons Pub Ale Draught - a pastoral nose ... like burning hay bales on an early September afternoon!!
Heineken - the Rhine River flows straight into these chunky little green cans!!
Rolling Rock - dude ... rock and roll!!
Kirin Ichiban - dry, but lush in its simplicity ... like the Black Rock Desert!!
Calgary Amber Lager - malty, misty ... like a dust cloud blowing 2000 feet in the air!!
Elephant Red - a big 750 ml brew ... like a theme camp in a can!!
Tecate - brewed by Cerveceria Cuauhtemoc ... in the Mexican desert!!
Pabst Blue Ribbon - cheaper than dirt ... surprisingly refreshing ... and it has a big BLUE RIBBON!!
Busch - just plain .... evil!!
Kern's Juices & Sodas - Comes in shades of mango, guava, kiwi, orange, strawberry, banana, papaya ... like a desert sunset!!
Red Bull - This stuff's a real kick in the pants! Chase a shot of gin with this and get a double buzz!!
Snappy Tom - Used to be in steel, now in aluminum! Try this with tequila, or to chase mescal!!
La Croix Sparkling Water - Let the tiny bubble dance across your tongue, like a troupe of a hundred naked body-painted French ballet dancers!!
Hansens Natural Sodas - Not the cheapest soda out there, but possibly the best for your overtaxed body. Grapefruit is awesomely pungent, like the acrid smell of burning gasoline and nitrogen!!
Welch's Juicemakers - Cherry Sensation flavor is fab. This is a 100% juice concentrate in a 12 oz. aluminum can. Look in the bottled juice section of your supermarket. Tastes like the cherry cider Playa Pete used to brew. Drink cold, or slurp your cherry sensation hot!!
Orangina - Now comes in cans. Oh so sweet and light, like black rock air, only wetter.
V-8 and V-8 Picante - Perfect for those bloody, bloody Marys after the burn.
Sunsweet Prune Juice - Helps make that adjustment to the desert, and camp food, a little easier. Comes in 6-packs of 6 oz. cans. A little is enough!!
Jamaica Gold Cappucino - Not like homemade, but useful for dragging your butt out of bed when you have to pull up your camp, and the line for the cafe is a mile long in 105 degree heat!!
Trader Joe's - Thai Lemon Herb soda is great stuff... has echinacea and ginger, too. For that Herbal Burn!!
Safeway - Try the grapefruit or lemon-lime house-brand soda. Sparkly, like purple and green neon in a howling dust cloud!!
Powdered Punch - Gatorade, Wyler's Lemonade, iced tea, and that old favorite, Tang (the astronauts drank it!) come powdered, and you can't pack drinks more efficiently than that. All you add is water. Or vodka. Or tequila.
Beeruccino - Shot of espresso dumped into dark beer of choice, preferably a Guinness -- Stout!
Tang Screwdriver - Fill a tall glass with ice and vodka, add two teaspoons of powdered Tang -- Stir it up, darlin'!
Gatorade Margarita - Salt the rim of the glass, plunk some ice in, add two teaspoons of powdered Gatorade, and white tequila to taste -- Swizzle and sizzle!
© Bob Stahl | Home