Alan Decker's Star Traks (though all the other Star Traks series deserve mention for 
 inspiration),and these in turn are based on Star Trek, created by Gene Roddenberry. Last thing 
 I knew Paramount and Viacom owned Star Trek, but with weird stuff happening there I don't 
 think they know who owns it, though CBS might be in there somewhere. Anyway, I don't. If you do 
 own Star Trek, drop me an e-mail and I'll credit you for having enough money to buy the franchise.
 
 
 
 Copyright 2007. All rights reserved.
 
 
 Rated PG (by author, who knows nothing about ratings). But I don't think there's any foul 
 language, just a couple insults and gory deaths. Nothing worse than you get in primary school 
 playgrounds these days.
 
 
                       #########################################
                       ###STAR TRAKS: THE INCONGRUOUS VOYAGES###
                       #########################################
                       ########Season One: Episode Five#########
                       #########################################
                       ###############Babel Talk################
                       #########################################
                       #################by RPS##################
                       #########################################
 
 
 
  Captain Klaus Reimann sighed and let himself fall backwards onto the floor, 
  resting his head in the carpet.
    "Seriously Soledad, you should be able to replicate all this furniture 
  complete." The Captain said, gesturing to the room around them. Leaning 
  against one wall were several cardboard boxes, and the floor was littered 
  with screws, screw drivers and pieces of wood. "And anyway, isn't this 
  helping the competition?" he asked.
    "Shush now." Sanchez replied, heisting herself up to her feet. "You can't 
  replicate furniture this good, and Ikea isn't really competition, the 
  Consortium doesn't invest that many resources into furniture products."
    "Even still," Reimann said, playing with one of the screwdrivers in his 
  hands, "I don't see the point. It's taken us six hours to put together a 
  wardrobe, a desk and three sets of drawers, which you could of replicated in 
  a matter of minutes. I'm not lazy, it's just more sensible."
    "Maybe I just like doing something practical with my hands." Sanchez replied. 
    "I don't know, I guess that after weeks spent pouring over figures and making 
  them add up for the accounts I get urges to actually do something physical."
  Reimann laughed and stretched out on the floor. His hands hurt and he was 
  sure he had splinters. His knees also ached from kneeling on the floor and 
  his back creaked every time he moved from the constant moving and placing of 
  wooden pieces which made up the furniture. And there was a scary number of 
  screws left over which he was sure should be holding something together.
    "Or maybe I just like spending time with you." Sanchez then added, and 
  Reimann sat back up. Sanchez was smiling at him, blushing slightly. He tried 
  to say something back, but couldn't. Great Bird! I wasn't like they were 
  teenagers, lost in love for the first time! Technically speaking he'd been 
  married to this woman for nearly thirty-two years, though they'd been 
  separated for more than twenty-three of those.
    "I'm liking spending time with you as well." Reimann eventually stammered out. 
  He stood up, and took Sanchez's hands in his. "I just, I just don't want to 
  go too fast with this. I don't want to ruin things like before."
    "I like to think we were both responsible for before." Sanchez replied, 
  smiling and looking into Reimann's eyes. Reimann smiled in return, and then 
  moved his face closer to hers. She didn't stop him when he kissed her softly, 
  on the lips.
    "I need to go, busy day ahead." Reimann said, stepping back after the kiss.
    "Thanks for the help." Sanchez replied, also stepping back and shaking her 
  head.
    "No problem. See you tomorrow?" Reimann said, and Sanchez replied by nodding 
  her head and looking away. The Captain had a last look at the previous six 
  hours work, and satisfied left the room.


  In pitch black, Reimann was woken up by loud knocking on the doors. He looked 
  for his wall clock which should be displaying the time in bright red numbers, 
  but was unable to do so. It was after another loud knock that he noticed that 
  he seemed to be floating mid-way between his bed and the ceiling. A choice 
  expletive expressing his surprise, he navigated his way as best he could to 
  his quarter's doors and pressed the button to open them to whoever was 
  incessantly knocking, but the door side panel appeared to be off-line. He'd 
  have to do things the old-fashioned way. Digging his fingers as best he could 
  into the crack between the door he pulled, opening a slight gap in the door, 
  where some more fingers from the other side joined him, and soon the door was 
  completely open. The person who had been knocking loudly at his door and then 
  helped him open it turned out to be Lucas Rascamontes.
    "Por fin te encuentro Capitan!" Rascamontes said. "Estaba empezando a pensar 
  que estabas atrapado!"
    "Entschuldigen?" Reimann replied, not having understood a word of what 
  Rascamontes had said.
    "Que ha pasado algo, que nada funciona!" Rascamontes said, confusion 
  beginning to appear on his face as he realised that Reimann wasn't 
  understanding what he was saying. But for Reimann, things began to click. 
  He'd heard enough Spanish from time spent with Sanchez and her family to 
  realise that this was the language Rascamontes was speaking. But why wasn't 
  the universal translator working? Reimann should of been able to understand 
  what his helmsman was telling him.
    “Venga, vamos. Quizas en el puente podemos averiguar mas.” Rascamontes 
  continued. Seeing Reimann’s confusion, he started pointing and using hand 
  signals to get his point across. He ended up pretending he was using the 
  steering wheel of a car, hoping the Captain would understand him.
    “Ah, das Rudar. Ja.” Rascamontes heard the Captain say, and followed him out 
  the room towards the bridge.


  Nyoko Sulu stood in Engineering, trying to figure out what had just happened. 
  One moment she’d been on her way out the doors, ready to get some well 
  deserved sleep, then the ship had shook slightly and she’d found herself 
  starting to float upwards in the pitch black.
    “Hello?” she shouted out experimentally, seeing what would happen. She got a 
  few replies from her crew around her, just as lost as she was. Trying to 
  remember the room’s layout she floated as best she could towards a console, 
  eventually hitting the wall. Clawing her way along she found a console and 
  tapped on it, but nothing happened. As she tried this whispers between the 
  floating crew got louder and louder and a few started to panic.
    “Calm down everyone!” Nyoko shouted, and was greeted by silence. “This looks 
  like a power failure, but at least the core shut down before we lost power or 
  else we’d all be sitting on some puffy white cloud with wings and a halo 
  listening to Jean-Luc Picard playing the harp right about now. I’m going to 
  attempt to reach the bridge, everyone else stay here and try to reach the 
  equipment lockers, see what tools you can find and start work on getting 
  power back.”


  Reimann and Rascamontes tried calling for a turbo lift, but the panel didn’t 
  respond, not even when Reimann removed to the front panel and tried to hot 
  wire it. So they managed to pull the doors open and began pushing themselves 
  up towards the bridge in the weightless environment. Along the way they 
  passed Niels and Igor, the Dillon’s shop attendants, on their way down the 
  turbolift to check on the stock. Niels passed without a comment, unable to 
  maneuver himself efficiently in the zero-g environment, while Igor simply 
  zoomed past the Captain and helmsman saluting as he went.
    “Izbinyite Kapitan!” Igor shouted as he passed, oblivious to the fact that 
  both Rascamontes and Reimann had long given up on attempting to understand 
  what anyone was saying.
  Along their journey they met the turbo lift carriage, and had to spend 
  several minutes attempting to open the bottom hatch to get into the carriage, 
  and then the top hatch to exit back out into the cube. All this would have 
  been a simple task, if either of them knew how to move in a no-gravity 
  situation. Unfortunately neither of them did, so after much crashing, 
  scraping and swearing in various tongues they managed to make their way to 
  the Deck One turbolift doors.
    “Hola.” Sanchez said when they joined her outside the doors. Reimann and 
  Rascamontes looked surprised to see her there, so she motioned towards the 
  doors and they understood that she’d been unable to open them.


  Using a torch to light her way, Nyoko floated towards the bridge. Or she 
  thought she was floating her way towards the bridge, she wasn’t sure: all the 
  signs needed power to operate and she couldn’t exactly stop and ask the 
  computer for directions.
  Finally she came across some doors she could recognise: Sickbay. One of the 
  doors was open, so she swam inside and found Dr. Scorpio talking to a short 
  chubby man, currently suspended upside down.
    “Doctor!” Nyoko said, and the Doctor and the man she’d been talking to turned 
  towards her. Seeing his face Nyoko recognised him as Joss Thanatos, the ships 
  chef.
    “Nyoko, what’s happening? We lost all power and I can’t..” 
    “I don’t know, I’m on my way to find out…” Nyoko replied, and then found that 
  there was one more person in the room. Underneath a sheet on bed one lay a 
  figure. So it wouldn’t float away the sheet and body had been tied to the bed 
  by lengths of string, but even so Nyoko recognised who it was: Crewman Jak 
  Chiuginn, one of her Engineers.
    “No…” she said, moving towards the body.
    “You don’t want to see this sugar.” Dr. Scorpio said, getting between her and 
  the bed.
    “What, what…”
    “Plasma burns, it ain’t pretty. I think he was conducting repairs on one of 
  the main conduits when the power failure meant the forcefield protecting him 
  lost containment. He managed to crawl here but it was too late, couldn’t do 
  anything.”
    “No…” Nyoko said, tears beginning to form in her eyes. She knew what Jak had 
  been doing, she’d told him to do it, she was in charge of assigning the 
  rosters to the maintenance teams. Seeing Nyoko’s reaction Dr. Scorpio moved 
  to comfort her.
    “It was an accident honey, it’s not your fault. These things happen…”
    “He was a Deomurinite. Very interesting species, interesting funeral rites.” 
  Joss spoke for the first time, shaking Nyoko out of her depression. “They 
  hold the appendix in high esteem, some kind of reasoning about it containing 
  the soul of a person when they die, which is why it has no function in life. 
  They have it removed through a cut with some sacred salad spoon things, you 
  know the type…”
    “This is not the time Mr. Thanatos.” Dr. Scorpio said, launching a look at 
  the Chef that could kill.
    “Haven’t had to do a Deomurinite in a while, it’s a bloody job you realise, 
  amazingly toxic innards…”
    “Joss!” Dr. Scorpio said angrily. Nyoko couldn’t help from looking at the 
  Chef in disgust.
    “Well then, I’ll be taking my leave Doctor. We’ll speak again once the 
  current problem has been resolved. Good day.” The Chef tipped an imaginary 
  hat at the Doctor and Chief Engineer, and with one last look at the dead body 
  floated back out into the corridor.
    “Gotta get to the bridge…” Nyoko said, shaking herself free of Dr. Scorpio 
  and following the Chef out the doors, catching up with him with some effort.
    “Mr. Thanatos?” Nyoko asked.
    “Yes?”
    “You’re more than the chef?.”
    “Out in here in the black, somebody has to be more than they are. Death 
  should be dignified, I have the job of making that happen.” Joss spread his 
  arms gesturing for the entire ship. “Everyone dies, and everyone want what’s 
  left behind to be treated with care, part of my duties are to ensure that 
  happens. Of course I far more enjoy cooking for the thirty-something people 
  that crew this ship, but other jobs also must be done.”
  For several moments both Joss and Nyoko floated in silence, until the cook 
  spoke once more.
    “When you’re in charge of people, out in an environment like this, sooner 
  rather than later somebody’s going to end up croaking it. That’s how the 
  universe works. The only thing we can do is to not let that stop us. I take 
  care of the final concerns of the dead on this ship.”
  The cooks words seemed to comfort Nyoko, who nodded and took off once again 
  towards the bridge. Joss was about to turn and continue on his journey when 
  the Chief Engineer turned back to him and asked.
    “Jak was killed when power went out, nothing’s worked since then. The 
  kitchens are three decks down, how’d you know what had happened?”
  Joss smiled before replying.
    “I can’t answer that truthfully, so better I tell you nothing than I tell you 
  a lie. You’ll receive an invite to the funerary services in the next days.” 
  Once again the chef mimicked tipping his hat, and went off on his way.


    “Report.” Reimann asked, in English, once he had all his senior crew around 
  him. Arriving at the bridge he’d found Braistway and Flash already there, 
  they’d been on duty. Sanchez was with them, having joined himself and 
  Rascamontes on the journey to the bridge, and Lombardo, Nyoko and Dr. Scorpio 
  and trickled in a few minutes later.
    “Everything was good, cruising speed towards the Bolian Homeworld. We 
  detected a contact closing in at an intercept vector. We hailed and got no 
  response. We armed shields and weapons and were about to call red alert when 
  we were fired on. We returned fire, I believe Flash managed to cripple their 
  weapons and engines. Then we got hit by something else, we think some kind of 
  electro-magnetic pulse, and it was nighty-night. Lights out.” Braistway 
  reported.
    “What’s still good?” Reimann asked.
    “Nada, absolutely nada.” Braistway replied. “We lost everything: lights, 
  engines, sensors, the universal translator, even the fricking doors won’t 
  open.” Reimann nodded, thankful of the English lessons he’d had which allowed 
  him to understand his first mate. Braistway then continued talking. “But it’s 
  not us I’m worried about, it’s them. Chances are they’re raiders or pirates, 
  and we don’t know how much damage we did to them. They repair first, and 
  we’re a fricking large floating powerless beauty of a prize.”
    “Can we repair?” the Captain asked his Chief Engineer.
    “This isn’t good. The EM pulse caboosed everything, and I mean everything. 
  I’d try to conduct repairs, except most of my tools use power cells which 
  have been knocked useless by the attack.” Nyoko looked at the command crew 
  desperately. “We’ve only got torches working at the moment because they use a 
  phosphorus chemical reaction to generate light. In short, I’d need a couple 
  hours repairing the repair tools before I could even think about repairing 
  any of the ship systems. And I’m not sure if we have that much time.”
    “Auf Deutsch bitte?” Reimann asked. He knew enough English to keep up with 
  normal conversations, but his Engineers latest bit of technobabble eluded 
  him. Sanchez, who had taken up translating duties seeing as she was the only 
  one competent in English, Spanish and German summed up the situation for the 
  Captain in one word:
    “Schieße.”
    “Ah.” 
    “There’s other things to worry about on top of the pirates Captain.” Braistway 
  explained. “All life support systems are down: we’ve got no air or water 
  recycling and are stuck on emergency rations.”
    “Ja, Flash, tell me what we’ve got.” Reimann asked his Operations officer. 
  Flash, unfortunately was unable to reply, or rather, nobody understood his 
  reply. The Tac/Ops officer spoke in his native tongue which sounded like a 
  lot of hissing followed by a large intake of breath, and then stood in a 
  corner of the bridge looking dejected and rocking slightly.
    “Captain, I don’t think he’s doing to well.” Dr. Scorpio said, having a quick 
  look at the plant. He was definitely looking weaker and had started turning a 
  pale shade of yellow. “Flash’s physiology is incredibly different to our 
  own: at certain times of day he must have light for photosynthesis and at 
  others no light at all for respiration. My guess would be the power failure 
  broke the start of his photosynthesizing cycle, he simply doesn’t have much 
  energy left. His body unconsciously reacts to the light, with the power 
  failure and the ship stuck in darkness his cells will start respiring, using 
  up all his starch reserves. Pretty soon he’ll start wilting away, loosing 
  leaves. Once he looses too many leaves he won’t be able to photosynthesize 
  and that’s it. He’ll starve to death in the next few hours.”
    “So what do we do?” Reimann asked.
    “My best guess, stick him under the biggest torch we’ve got with a load of 
  water and any food we can dissolve into it.” Dr. Scorpio suggested.
    “That’s the problem there.” Braistway said. “All our potable water supplies 
  are replicated. We may have emergency rations, but we don’t have water.”
    “Right, until we get Flash healthy again you’re in charge of Tac/Ops Leanne. 
  Tell me what we have to do.” Reimann ordered.
    “We should be fine for air, all the cargo bays are pressurized to standard 
  and we’ve got a small crew, we won’t run out of oxygen for a month, minimum, 
  and somebody should have found us by then. As for food, we’ve got plenty if 
  you don’t mind eating carbo-protein bars for the foreseeable future. Taste 
  crap, but they’ve got all the goodies our bodies need. Water’s the big one. 
  As I’ve said, we don’t keep drinking water reserves, and we can’t replicate 
  any, so that leaves us with the basic plumbing water: toilet water and the 
  like. We can boil it up and throw in some purifying tablets, it’ll be more 
  than safe to drink. Same goes for urine, that can be reused.” The First Mate 
  summarised.
    “Ewwww. Urine?” Nyoko asked.
    “This isn’t about icky, this is about surviving. Trust me, after the 
  purifying tablet’s been used it’ll taste as good as new. Specially when 
  there’s nothing else to drink. And last but not least is heat. It’s going to 
  get awful cold, awful fast. So we need to concentrate people close together, 
  use body heat. Find blankets and warm clothing, and raid Dillon’s liquor 
  store. A stiff drink will go far for heating people up. No fires though, 
  uses up too much oxygen.”
    “That’s the plan then.” Reimann said. “Nyoko, get me power. Henry and Dr. 
  Scorpio will help Leanne gather supplies, centralise the supplies in the crew 
  lounge. Take Flash with you. Lucas and Giuseppi will go round the rest of the 
  ship, send them either to Engineering to help Nyoko or to the crew lounge. 
  Soledad, could you translate that for Lucas?” The Captain asked to ensure his 
  helmsman and sensors specialist would understand their orders. Sanchez and 
  Rascamontes understood each other straight away, and Lombardo’s Italian was 
  close enough to Spanish that they could make themselves understood with the 
  help of some gestures. “Soledad and myself will take care of locking and 
  barricading the airlocks, it should hold off the pirates for some time. Let’s 
  go.”


  Nyoko floated her way back to Engineering, wondering the whole way how she 
  was supposed to get the ship working again. There was no hope for any of the 
  larger power systems; the EMP would have made sure they’d need a major 
  overhaul with new parts to work again. They’d concentrate on the smaller 
  portable batteries in things like their quadcorders and basic tools, those 
  could be salvaged. 
  She’d come up with her plan when the torch she was using to light the way 
  shone on a large hole in the bulkhead. Metal shards were strewn all around 
  her, and further investigation showed dark sploges marking the wall. Blood. 
  This must have been where Jak had died…
  Nyoko couldn’t help it. She tried to gag, but couldn’t, and vomited all over 
  one of the walls.
    “Better out than in.” Joss Thanatos said from behind her. Nyoko’s torch swung 
  round and focused on the chef who was floating in the middle of the corridor. 
    “First death?” he asked.
    “Yah.” Nyoko replied. “And the zero-g’s been making me queasy, first time for 
  that too.”
    “You’ll get use to it.” The chef said.
    “Zero gravity or vomiting all over people’s death scenes?” Nyoko asked.
    “Both.” Joss said, smiling at the dark humour. “Deomurinite’s actually 
  consider people vomiting on their deathbed’s the highest form of praise.”
    “Seriously?”
    “Well, no. That was just to make you feel better.” The chef laughed. “Come 
  on, you should leave, I imagine you have much to do.”
  Nyoko nodded and started leaving when she noticed the chef didn’t have any 
  light on him.
    “You’ll be okay here in the dark?” she asked him.
    “We must all return to the darkness, sooner or later.” The chef replied. 
  Nyoko shrugged at the strange explanation, and headed back towards 
  Engineering.


  Reimann stuck his hand in the airlock controls and pulled out all the cables, 
  effectively disabling the opening mechanism. With the electronic doors 
  disabled first through the EMP and secondly disembowelment the only way onto 
  the ship would be to use a ship’s transporters or to blow the 6-inch thick 
  doors open.
    “Ready?” Sanchez asked from behind him.
    “Ja.” Reimann replied and got out of the way as Sanchez pushed a king-sized 
  mattress towards the airlock door. They’d raided several mattresses from beds 
  in nearby quarters and were using them to further barricade the entrances to 
  the ship. Anyone wishing to force their way on board would not only have to 
  contend with the airlock doors, but several kilos of feather-beds wedged in 
  the corridor.
    “Do you think this’ll hold?” Sanchez asked.
    “Maybe. For some time.” Reimann replied. “Anyone determined enough can get 
  onto the ship, even without working transporters. All we can do is hold them 
  off until help finds us.”
  The Captain and accountant continued working for a few more minutes before 
  they were satisfied the airlock was sufficiently blocked. Job done, they 
  headed towards the next airlock.
    “Klaus, I’m scared. I don’t want to go like this: frozen, dehydrated, 
  famished, asphyxiated. Not like this.” Sanchez said.
    “Don’t worry, somebody will find us.” Reimann said, taking Sanchez in his 
  arms. “Somebody will find us.”


  By the time Reimann and Sanchez returned to the crew lounge it was full of 
  activity, with Braistway ordering everyone about in the gravity-less 
  environment by shouting, gesturing and sometimes in the ultimate universal 
  language, pushing. Nyoko was also waiting for them there.
    “What’s happening?” Reimann asked.
    “We’ve got enough supplies here to last us for a long time sir. And the 
  crew is evenly spread between here and Engineering.” Braistway said. “From a 
  basic survival point of view I couldn’t be happier.”
    “Good. What about power?” the Captain asked Nyoko.
    “We’ve managed to get four power cells up and running which we’ve put into a 
  quadcorder and three rifles in case we have to defend ourselves. I’ve got 
  some people working on more power cells, the rest on making some kind of 
  communications equipment.”
    “Good thinking.” Reimann said, happier with the situation than he had been 
  half an hour previously. “How many power cells would we need to get a 
  replicator going?”
    “Fifteen, maybe twenty? And at best you’d only get a couple goes with the 
  replicator before if shorted out.” Nyoko replied.
    “Okay, that’s not an option then. Keep working.” Reimann said. “How’s Flash 
  doing?”
    “We think he’s stabilised.” Dr. Scorpio said, joining to group and indicating 
  one corner of the crew lounge where the Tac/Ops officer lay spread-eagled 
  absorbing the light of a torch, tendrils from his right hand absorbing the 
  contents of a glass. “I’m no botanist, and we can’t communicate with him so 
  all I can do is my best guesswork.”
    “He looks like a drug addict.” Nyoko commented, as Flash seemed to sigh and 
  shake slightly, then returning to his still absorbing form.
    “Well just as long as he gets his fix we’re happy.” Braistway said.
    “And with any luck we won’t have to wait for long.” Reimann said. “I’ll go 
  back to Engineering with Nyoko, see what’s happening there. You seem to have 
  things under control here.”
  Reimann began swimming towards the doors when the ship shook violently with 
  an almighty thud.
    “We’ve crashed into something!” Nyoko shouted.
    “No!” Reimann shouted in reply. “Something’s crashed into us!”
    “Aft airlock.” Braistway said, and Reimann agreed.
    “Right, Braistway, take the rifles with a team and secure the area. I’ll get 
  to Engineering and pick up the cavalry.” The Captain ordered.
    “Understood.” Braistway said, picking up one of the rifles. “Nyoko, 
  Rascamontes, you’re with me. Sanchez, translating duties.” Finding a wall 
  Braistway pushed off with force, disappearing out the crew lounge doors and 
  picking up speed.


  Braistway peered quickly round the corner, looking at the aft airlock. 
  Several of the mattresses had become unwedged and were floating aimlessly, 
  but the bulk of the barricade still held. Beyond the barricade though she 
  could hear weapon fire thumping into the airlock door, which couldn’t hope to 
  hold up for long. With a free hand she took hold of the bulkhead and pushed 
  herself back towards where the rest of the team waited for her. Nyoko and 
  Rascamontes had hold of two of the rifles while Sanchez was using the 
  quadcorder to scan. Braistway had the third rifle.
    “There’s five of them, though only two weapons. Type II phasers.” Sanchez 
  informed them using the quadcorder. “Life signs are varied, looks like a 
  Cardassian, a Deltan, Ynysian, and I think two Leeramar, reading’s aren’t 
  perfectly clear.”
    “Okay team, let’s take them out.” The First Mate said.
    “We should wait for the Captain…” Nyoko said.
    “No. I ain’t listening to opinions here, I’m laying down the law.” Braistway 
  said, making sure that the cartridge was properly loaded into her rifle. “We 
  can take them.”
    “I’ve got something to say.” Nyoko said.
    “You’ve got an opinion?” Braistway asked, and Nyoko nodded. “Here’s an 
  important lesson to learn: opinions are like arseholes. Everybody’s got ‘em, 
  and I seriously don't want to see yours.”
  Hit by Braistway’s remark Sulu physically fell backwards against the wall.
    “We’ve got a very nice T-junction to protect here, and they won’t have time 
  to get their bearings. They’ll be off-balance and we can hit them easily.” 
  Braistway explained. “We fall back and wait for the Captain they’ll have 
  barricaded themselves in and they’ll be impossible to remove.”
    “Plan?” Rascamontes asked, using a word common to both English and Spanish.
    “We’ll use a decoy and lure them into a crossfire. Rascamontes, you just 
  volunteered to be the decoy. Let them see you when they get through the door, 
  and push off down the left corridor. When they advance after you we’ll hit 
  them from the flanks. Sanchez, translate.”
  Sanchez translated the plan for Rascamontes, whose face got progressively 
  unhappier as he found out he was to be the decoy.
    “Listen close boy, for your own good.” Braistway told Rascamontes, who turned 
  to look at her quizzically. “You go left, turn left. Izquierda, left. You mess 
  this up I’ll shove a trombone so far up your ass every time you fart it’ll 
  sound like Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries, understood?”
    “Que?” Rascamontes replied, confused. Braistway looked at Sanchez motioned 
  for her to translate.
    “No quieres saber lo que dijo.” Sanchez said, and Rascamontes gave her the 
  thumbs up before leaving down the corridor.


  With a loud explosion the mattresses protecting entry into the ship exploded 
  sending millions of feathers all over the place. Through the fluff however 
  the pirates could see a figure watching them, and shot at him. Their shots 
  missed, and the figure pushed off the wall, heading out of view. The pirates 
  made after him.
    “Etiord a! Etiord a!” One of the pirates shouted, directing the others. Soon 
  after this instruction however they were met by unescapable phaser fire 
  coming from two directions.
    “Edrem!” One of the pirates said, before being stunned.


    “Captain, they’re coming around.” Braistway said. The pirates, all five of 
  them, had been tied, and had been left to float (occasionally bumping into 
  each other) inside one of the smaller cargo bays.
    “Zehr Gut.” Reimann replied. He got close to one of the pirates, the 
  Deltan, and shook him to make sure he was awake. “Who are you? What do you 
  want?”
    “Elosed sius ej, sap ednerpmoc en ej.” The Deltan babbled. Reimann gave up, 
  and repeated the question to one of the Leeramar, receiving a similar lack of 
  results.
    “English? Speak english?” The Cardassian asked.
    “Yes. Why did you attack us?” Reimann said.
    “Nice target. Fat. Juicy. But not defenseless.” The Cardassian laughed.
    “Pirates.” Reimann spat, turning away from him. “Why did you board us?”
    “Had no power left. Ship dead in the water, no air, no heat. Would have died. 
  So we decided to take your ship, see if you had power.”
  Reimann looked at him, and couldn’t help himself. He chuckled. The pirates 
  were just as helpless as they were!
    “What will you do with us?” The Cardassian asked.
    “At the moment, lock you up. But at least we’ll feed you and keep you alive.” 
  Reimann replied, and pushed himself out of the room. However, he couldn’t 
  resist a parting joke. “On the downside, if we have to resort to canabalism, 
  you’ll be the first to know.”


  Reimann met up with Nyoko in Engineering. His Chief Engineer was munching on a 
  carboprotein bar in one hand and holding a small glass of whisky in the other.
    “I think I’ll forgive you for drinking on duty this one time.” Reimann joked.
    “Hey, this is your order.” Nyoko replied. In an attempt to keep crew morale 
  high and have them drink something other than recycled water he’d ordered 
  ‘alternative’ drinks to be served with evening meals.
    “What have you got for me?” the Captain asked.
    “This.” Nyoko replied, gesturing to a mass of wires and bits of console 
  arrayed on the table before them. “Got a transmitter up and running. Not 
  subspace though, we’re limited to speed of sound for the signal but at least 
  it’s something. Could be days before it’s picked up.”
    “But it’s something. Well done Nyoko.”
    “What do you want the distress signal to say?” 
    “Save Our Souls.” Reimann said. Nyoko tapped out the signal, and pressed the 
  broadcast button.
    “Captain, I’ll drink to that.” Nyoko said, and downed her drink.


  Captain Marvin ‘the Marvel’ Jakes, of the USS Misacmos, wasn’t normally what 
  you would describe as a ‘happy’ person. So it was not surprising that he was 
  in an abrasive mood when woken up at 3 am in the morning and asked to report 
  to the bridge.
    “What now?” he asked. 
    “We’ve picked up a distress signal. Strange one though: not a normal subspace 
  message, this is an old style radio transmission.” Commander Banar’techno, 
  his Jem’Hadar Security Officer, informed him.
    “We picking up something from a pre-warp civilisation?”
    “Negative, I’ve triangulated the signal to a major shipping lane. The speed 
  of the signal and distance makes he think it was sent at least three days 
  ago.”
    “Hmmm.” Jakes thought. To sleep or not to sleep, that was the question. Oh 
  well, we was already awake. “Plot an intercept course, get senior crew awake 
  and up here. And go to red alert, I want to go in hot in case this is a 
  trap.”


  Braistway turned one way and another, but found it impossible to get 
  comfortable. She’d been unable to sleep a wink since they’d been stuck with 
  no gravity. It was amazing the need she had for terra firme to get a good 
  night’s rest.
  Deciding that it was not to be she wrapped the blanket round herself and swam 
  towards one of the mini-heaters that had been set up in the crew lounge. In 
  the past few days the ships engineers had managed to produce an almost 
  infinite supply of small power cells, however the biggest thing they’d been 
  able to use them for was these heaters, which while they kept the crew warm, 
  weren’t about to get either the engines or communications systems working 
  again.
  Braistway sat next to the heater, pondering the last few days’ trials, when 
  she thought she saw something move past her, outside the crew lounge’s 
  windows. She looked again, and yes, there it was. A ship! A Starfleet ship!
    “We’re saved!” Braistway shouted, waking everyone who had been sleeping in 
  the crew lounge. The blue haze of the Starfleet transporter appeared in the 
  middle of the room, and two officers appeared, wealding phaser rifles with 
  their torches around the room. Braistway in turn shone her own torch at their 
  rescuers, and recognized who they were.
    “Oh no. Not you. Anybody but you.”
    “Come now Braistway, that’s no way to greet your heroes.” Captain Jakes 
  laughed. “I’m sure we could leave if you want.”


 
 LINGUISTICAL GLOSSARY

 ##Spanish##

 Por fin te encuentro Capitan!- At last I find you, Captain!
 Estaba empezando a pensar que estabas atrapado!- I was starting to think you were trapped!
 Que ha pasado algo, que nada funciona!- Something's happened, nothing's working!
 Venga, vamos. Quizas en el puente podemos averiguar mas- Come on, let's go. We'll find out more on
                                                          the bridge
 No quieres saber lo que dijo- You don't want to know what she said

 ##Russian##

 Izbinyite Kapitan!- Excuse me Captain!
 (Phonetic approximation, .txt files don't support Cryllic characters)

 ##German##

 Ah, das Rudar. Ja- Oh, the helm. Yes.
 Schieße- Merde
 Auf Deutsch bitte?- In German please?
 Zehr Gut- Very good.

 ##Alien speach- backwards French##

 Etiord a! Etiord a- A droite! A droite! - To the right! To the right!
 Edrem!- Merde!- Schieße
 Elosed sius ej, sap ednerpmoc en ej- Je ne comprende pas, je suis desole- I don't understand you, sorry.



 NEXT TIME ON THE INCONGRUOUS VOYAGES:

 In the final drabble of Season One, love is in the air. Getting it down on 
 paper however is another question entirely.

 And in the finale to Season One a strange scientist arrives on board, and a 
 threat from the past haunts the crew unaware of it's existence.
 "Jababo 2.0", coming to a website near you, same Traks Time, same Traks 
 Channel!