Star Traks: The Incongruous Voyages was created by Ronan Stafford. It's based primarily on Alan Decker's Star Traks (though all the other Star Traks series deserve mention for inspiration),and these in turn are based on Star Trek, created by Gene Roddenberry. Last thing I knew Paramount and Viacom owned Star Trek, but with weird stuff happening there I don't think they know who owns it. Anyway, I don't. If you do own Star Trek, drop me an e-mail and I'll credit you for having enough money to buy the franchise. Copyright 2006. All rights reserved. Rated PG (by author, who knows nothing about ratings). But I don't think there's any foul language, just a couple insults and gory deaths. Nothing worse than you get in primary school playgrounds these days. ######################################### ###STAR TRAKS: THE INCONGRUOUS VOYAGES### ######################################### #########Season One: Episode Two######### ######################################### ########Out For A Smoke, Part Two######## ######################################### #################by RPS################## ######################################### Previously on Star Traks: The Incongruous Voyages... "Remind me not to crawl through conduit fourteen-C again Jack, I swear it's smaller than all the other conduits." Ness joked as he climbed out of the Jeffries tube into Engineering, his work uniform covered in stains. "Jack? Jack!" Ness shouted, not getting a result from Crewman Jack Nubis, one of the Engineers assigned from the Service Orbital to help with the ships refit. Still getting no answer he looked around the immediate area, finally finding him slumped down on the floor next to one of the consoles. "Jack!" Ness shouted, running towards the fallen Engineer. He knelt down next to the body, turning it over so his back was on the floor. Ness shook him, and getting to response he checked for a pulse. Nothing there. He pinched his comm badge, "Ness to Sickbay! Medical Emergency!" No response. Ness looked around Engineering, desperately looking for help. He only saw Crewman Bea Dean, on the floor next to the Warp Core, her contorted face the only clue as to what had happened to her. Panicked Ness jumped up to check how she was, but heard a scream near the Secondary Impulse Manifold Display. He turned, seeing an odd cloud floating its way towards the Warp Core, then turning to move towards him. "Friend!" The cloud thought. Hopefully this friend would last longer than the others. The holodeck training simulation finished, the Hansean's crew gladly walked out back onto the more familiar confines of the Hansean's corridors. "I think everyone deserves a bit of a rest, so you've all got five hours off in which to shower, eat, clean yourselves up and sleep a bit. We'll reconvene in the conference lounge at..." Reimann checked the time on the wall displayed next to the holodeck. "...Eleven-hundred hours. Dismissed." Content at the prospect of cleaning themselves and sleeping in their comfortable beds the senior officers drudged off towards the nearest turbolift and their quarters. Only Reimann and Sanchez remained behind. "So what do you think?" Sanchez asked. "They've got potential." Reimann answered. "Should I expect to see you at the conference lounge later?" "Sure, I'm part of the crew now, for better or worse." "Nice one..." "Captain!" Reimann heard Henry's shout, and ran off towards the turbolift with Sanchez hot in pursuit. As Reimann turned a corner he found the officers crowded round a fallen body. Doctor Scorpio and Braistway were hunched over the fallen crewman, with Flash holding Rascamontes and Henry back to give them room in which to act. Scorpio lent back against the wall, shaking her head. "She's long gone." With Scorpio out of the way Reimann was now able to clearly see the body, that of a young female crewmember, pain etched on her face. "Crewman Luz Galleto." Braistway said, naming the dead woman. "She was just twenty-three." "Any idea what did it Doctor? How long ago?" Reimann asked. "Can only guess, but it looks like asphyxiation. Nasty way to go. As for time, couldn't guess. If you must have a figure, nearly twelve hours." "Twelve hours?" Sanchez said, incredulous. "That's donkey's years, why hasn't anyone found her before, or report her missing?" Reimann had a nasty feeling about this. He squeezed his comm badge. "Reimann to Ness, report. Ness?" Reimann got to answer. "Engineering? Anyone there? This is Captain Reimann to anyone on board, this is an emergency, please report in." And now the conclusion... "There she is." Nyoko said, mostly to herself. The raceabout Andurin closed in on Dillon Enterprises Service Orbital 43 orbiting Earth, which currently contained her first assignment. In an age where technological advancement seemed to be based around the concepts of more and bigger (the Federation flagship USS Enterprise-J was a monster with over twenty nacelles), the Cocidius class freighter was an exercise in restraint with a mere eight nacelles forming two diamonds of four nacelles to the starboard and port sides of the massive seventy-deck saucer section. In the seat next to her, piloting the raceabout sat the ships sensor specialist, Giuseppi Lombardo. Nyoko had met Lombardo at the Space port in Riga, where they'd been informed that their pilot was unable to ferry them to the ship due to an unfortunate allergic reaction to a cheesecake and they'd have to fly themselves up. "Raceaboutie Andurin to Service Orbital 43 on final approachie." Lombardo said, opening communications with the Orbital's command centre with his strong Italian accent. "Roger Andurin, work in the ship's shuttlebay is complete, you may request landing permission there. Transferring you across now." the person at the Orbital's command centre said. The Andurin was assigned as one of four raceabouts for permanent duty on board the ship, so Nyoko and Lombardo would be doing everyone a little favour by delivering it to the shuttlebay themselves instead of parking it somewhere nearby and forcing someone else to come back later and park it. "Thankie Service Orbital 43. This is Raceaboutie Andurin to Shuttlebay, requestie opening of shuttlebay doors and tractor beamie guidance for landing." Nyoko and Lombardo waited for the Shuttlebay in reply in vain. "Shuttlebay, this is Raceaboutie Andurin on final approachie, please respondie." Lombardo's repeated request still met no answer. "Andurin to Orbitalie 43, I'm unable to raise thee Shuttlebay." "That's odd." Orbital 43 control responded. "According to our scans communications should be fully functional." "Thank you Drydock, we'll just beamie over. Andurin out." Lombardo shrugged, and manoeuvred the raceabout until it stopped parallel to the bridge, which was visible through the transparent dome which formed its roof. He got up and headed towards the transporter. "Where are we going to beam to?" "Just outside the bridge seems a good place to startie." Lombardo answered, and the two of them squeezed onto the transporter pad. They started to disappear in a blue haze as the transporter took them. "Everyone remember where we parkied." Reimann stood back up in the corridor, his eyes never leaving Crewman Galleto's dead body. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. Leanne, take the Doctor and Lucas to Engineering, try and find Ness. The rest of us will go to the bridge and try and find out what’s happened." Reimann ordered. "And find a weapons-locker, get yourselves some phasers. We don't know what we might be up against here." "Yes sir." Braistway said, and started heading off towards Engineering with Scorpio and Rascamontes. Reimann, Sanchez, Flash and Henry piled into the turbolift with the Captain ordering it to the bridge as the theme tune from the X-Files played. Once there the doors opened and Flash immediately headed towards his Tac/Ops console. Reimann and Sanchez followed while Henry headed over to the weapons locker at the side of the bridge, taking all four pistols and distributing them to the four officers on the bridge. After clicking his pistol into the holster on his hip Reimann turned to Flash. "What have we got?" "One can detect Braistway's team entering Engineering now. One has additionally commenced a full internal scan, though it will take several minutes to scan the entire ship." "Open a channel to Braistway." "Braistway here." the first mate answered. "What have you found?" "It ain't nice Captain. We've come across six bodies so far, all Engineers. Three of these were in Engineering itself, we are trying to locate Ness now." Reimann heard a voice shouting at Braistway, probably Doctor Scorpio. "Make that four bodies in Engineering sir, we found Ness. He's dead." "Dammit." Reimann swore. "Doctor, any idea what's happened?" "Not in detail sir, but it looks like everyone has died of asphyxiation. Once I can lay my hands on a medical quadcorder I'll tell you more." Scorpio replied. "Okay, your orders are to hold Engineering. We'll get back in contact with you in five minutes with a plan." "Roger that." Braistway signed off. "How’s that scan going Flash?" "Twenty percent complete Captain. Remaining time is three minutes until completion. Still no visible signs of a hostile force, one would suggest we also run a Level One Diagnostic Scan to rule out a mechanical error." "Henry, do it." Reimann ordered. Henry nodded and raced down the bridge to the Engineering console starboard to the Captain's chair. Suddenly Reimann heard the turbolift doors swish open. On instinct he turned around bringing his pistol out, ready to fire, and bent his knees in preparation of getting out of the way and presenting a smaller target. Flash reacted in a similar manner, except that instead of waiting to find out who the intruder was he fired at the turbolift. "Hey! What choo shoot me for, I haven't done aneething!" A human male shouted cowering on the turbolift floor. Another human, this one a woman of Asiatic descent wearing an Engineers uniform walked out holding her hands up. "Don't fire! We're part of the crew!" "Identity yourselves." Reimann ordered. "Crewman Nyoko Chugoku, Engineer. This is Giuseppi Lombardo, Sensors. We just arrived." "Did you see anything?" Sanchez asked, using her hand to lower Flash's arm as he was still pointing his pistol at the newly arrived. "You mean the bodies?" Sulu asked, gulping. "Yes sir. Two of them, on Deck 2. We couldn't...we couldn't do anything." "What's going on in 'ere?" Lombardo asked. "That's what we'd like to find out." Reimann answered. "Captain, one might have found something." Flash said from his console. "Yes?" "One is detecting a strange concentration of hydrogenated gases down on Deck Seventeen. Deck Sixteen now sir, it seems to be fluctuating between the two decks. One is also detecting strange protonic patterns within the anomaly, if one had to guess one might think they were brainwaves." "Brainwaves? Right, this is the plan: myself and Crewman Chukogu will take Deck Seventeen, Flash, take Henry and Lombardo to Deck Sixteen. We'll try and make contact with the anomaly, and if that fails we'll take care of it. Soledad," Reimann said, turning to Sanchez, "you stay in the bridge, be prepared to beam us out of trouble if you have to. Let's go." "Not much of an introduction, eh Nyoko?" Reimann said as he walked down the corridors of Deck Seventeen, quadcorder actively scanning on his head and his phaser out ready. Nyoko was similarly equipped. "No sir, can't say I was exactly expecting this." "We'll be fine, don't worry." "Flash to Reimann." The Captain heard the Tac/Ops office through his comm badge. "Reimann here, what you got?" "Our scans suggest that the anomaly is currently entirely on Deck Seventeen, directly above us. You should establish visual contact soon." "We've got it Flash." Reimann said, staring at the cloud now floating in front of him. Captivated by its colourful patterns, he began scanning with his quadcorder the results being displayed on the eye-piece. "Looks like you were right about those brainwaves, there's definitely something weird going on in there." "Sir, I don't think you should get too close." Nyoko warned from behind him. "Nonsense, my intentions are peaceful..." The cloud then jumped forward, engulfing Reimann in its mist. Sulu screamed and fell backwards, outside of the cloud. "I'm inside it." Reimann said, more for the benefit of Flash listening in on the other end than himself. "Hello there, I'm Captain Klaus Reimann." "Friend!" The cloud thought, Reimann understanding the unspoken word. "Yes, friend. We're nice happy friends." "Friend! Happy!" "Nice one." Reimann said contented. This first contact was going pretty well, although the lack of breathable air was starting to get to him, the current gas he was breathing, the creature itself he imagined, an odd acrid taste. "Listen, I need to breath. Oxygen, normal air. I'm going to move out, but we're still friends okay? Happy friends." He moved slowly backwards towards Nyoko, though he sensed the cloud moving with him. "Friend!" "No! I need to breath!" He attempted to move out again, but couldn't. "Bad friend! Bad friend!" he shouted to it. Choking, he felt himself weakening. Outside the cloud Nyoko could see Reimann fighting the creature, struggling to breath. She took her phaser, checked it was on stun and prepared to fire. But at what? It was just a cloud of gas, and she'd just end up hitting Reimann. What the heck, better to stun both the Captain and the creature than to let it kill him. She aimed at the centre of the cloud, and fired. The beam fired out of the phaser, hitting it exactly where she'd aimed, but the beam just set off an angry pattern of red, violet and pink swirls as it dissipated throughout the cloud. "Crap." Nyoko pinched her comm badge. "Bridge! Beam Reimann out of here now!" "I can't!" Sanchez replied, panic edged in her voice. "I can't lock on to his signature, something's distorting it!" "Double crap!" Nyoko cursed, thinking quickly. Inside the gas creature, Reimann collapsed to the floor. Nyoko's mind raced. How could she get rid of the cloud without killing the Captain? She had one idea, though it was a bit radical. Reimann was now lying on the floor, unmoving. Time had ran out. "Computer! Activate air vents, maximum suction. Complete atmospheric vacuum Deck Seventeen Sections Ten through twelve." "Complying." The computer replied, and Nyoko saw force fields being established either side of both herself and the cloud trapping everything in the corridor, and the air vents activated, her hair being blown all over the place as they sucked all the air out of the section. She saw the cloud being sucked into the vents, being pulled apart as vacuum pumps within the ventilation system got to work. She staggered towards Reimann, her body starting to fight the complete lack of air pressure. "Transport now..." she muttered, and seconds later both herself and Reimann were trapped by the transporter beam. "Gotcha!" Sanchez muttered, as Reimann and Nyoko rematerialised onto the bridge, both of them coughing as they came into contact with breathable air. "Well done Crewman." Reimann managed to say between coughs. Sanchez ran and helped the Captain up, as Nyoko leaned back against a console, her ears popping like crazy. The turbolift doors opened and Flash, Henry and Lombardo ran onto the bridge. "Where is it now?" Flash asked. "In the ventilation system." Sanchez answered as the Tac/Ops officer took his station. "One has located it." Flash said, tapping away at his controls. "We must trap it somewhere or it will just escape." "Beam it." Nyoko said. "Get it with the transporter but don't rematerialise it, hold it in the buffer." "One cannot lock on with the transporter controls, it does not have a strong enough signature." "Just beam the entire atmosphere in the vents, you can do that." Nyoko pushed herself up off the floor. "Do it." Reimann ordered. "Aye sir. Locking on...transport complete. The anomaly is held within the transport buffers awaiting rematerialisation." "Nice one everybody." "We should get Doctor Scorpio to look over both of you now." Sanchez said concerned. "Probably a good idea. Have the good Doctor meet us..." "Captain!" Flash shouted. "What now?" Reimann moaned. "One doesn't know how, but the anomaly is accessing our computer records from the buffer." "That's impossible! It sho uld just be a stored signal, it can't do anything!" Nyoko couldn't believe it. "Well it is disagreeing with you." Flash answered. "Transporter is activating...it has beamed itself." "Where?" Reimann asked. "Where's it gone?" "Earth." “Sorry honey, I think I recognise you.” Dr. Scorpio said touching Nyoko’s arm as they entered the conference lounge. The crew had been running around trying to figure out what exactly was happening, and Reimann had called for a meeting. “Nyoko Sulu?” “Err…no, you must have confused me with someone else. My name's Chugoku. Nyoko Chugoku." Nyoko answered hastely. “Oh…I…” Dr.Scorpio was interrupted as Reimann rushed into the conference lounge. "Okay, give me what we've got. Flash, what is this thing?" Reimann asked as he sat back in his chair in the Conference lounge. Alongside him, Dr.Scorpio and Nyoko, Sanchez, Braistway, Flash and Henry had joined him in there. "After much analysis conducted with Sensors Specialist Lombardo, scanning seems to suggest the anomaly is an emission nebula, a cloud of ionised gas. One must venture that it is a planetary nebula, i.e. the cloud has been ionised by photons from a nearby dying star which has thrown off its outer layers, with the exposed hot core then ionising them. As with most nebulae of this type it is mostly composed of hydrogen, with helium and nitrogen being the other most common gases." "My present!" Reimann shouted. "When I left the Spallanzani they gave me a vial with gas from a nebula we had been studying. That must be how it got on board." "So it's a nebula, big deal." Braistway said. "But why is it alive?" "For that one must use more technical language." "Keep it simple, I never was good at all that science stuff." Reimann said. "Very well, simple. Atoms are composed of three basic subatomic particles: electrons, protons and neutrons." "I'm not that dumb Flash." "Sorry sir, but you did say simple. Electrons tend to be the more interesting particles in chemistry and biology as they are the basis of most reactions. Biology is after all a variety of chemical reactions in cells at a small scale. However, with the anomaly one detected minimal electron-related reactions and instead detected increased protonic activity. In particular the protons seemed to exist in a constant state of decay, i.e. the protons decayed into positrons and pions at an incredible rate, yet at the same time protons seemed to be created from the previously decayed positrons and photons, which are the result of decayed pions. Furthermore the positrons, an anti-matter particle, did not react with other matter within the cloud. One must stress that one is at the limits of one's scientific knowledge, until one witnessed this cloud the accepted theory was that photons were stable particles and did not even decay. The rate and patterns of proton decay and proton reformation seem to match patterns more normally associated with basic brainwaves." "So we've decided this thing is weird, what do we do about it?" Reimann asked. "There must be a way to get rid of it sir, it's already killed on board the ship, who knows what it might get up to on Earth. Is there a way to disrupt this dodgy proton stuff, disrupt the nebula's brainwaves?" Braistway said. "Well we know pistols are ineffective, but one is barely guessing at how the nebula works. Until I have a complete theory regarding the reaction, one could not think of how to stop the reaction." Flash answered. "How about force fields? They seemed to work last time." Nyoko suggested. "That does seem to be the way to go." Reimann conceded. "So where's this thing at? And why?" "I've been looking over what happened," Henry said, "and I think I've got a chronology together. When we beamed the nebula into the pattern buffer it managed to access the computer core library, seemingly at random. It consulted one specific record before taking over transport controls and beaming itself to a location in the Taklamakan Desert, Central Asia. Lucky enough it’s nowhere near any large population centres." "Which record did it access?" Reimann asked. "You're not going to believe it." Henry stated. "Try me." Reimann dared. Henry shrugged, and began reading from a PADD. "The record is that of an Buryat Mongol legend, titled the Legend of Tobacco. Basically, it says that a long time ago a prince had a young son of marrying age, but to his dismay the son had no interest in getting a wife. The problem was that no woman had the beauty and charm to win his heart. One day, however, the young man went hunting in the forest and discovered a woman wandering about in the wilderness. She was so lovely that he fell in love with her straightaway, never thinking of how strange it was that a woman like her would be living so far out in the forest. He decided that he would marry her at once and took her home to his camp, though he never told his father that he had married. Man and wife lived happily together for a long time. Other people, however, noticed that the woman was very strange, that she seemed to have no past and that she would eat the meat of badgers she clubbed to death in the forest." "The meat of badgers she clubbed to death in the forest? Puh-leeze, come on." Braistway said amused by the legend. Henry ignored her and continued reading from the PADD. "When rumours of the son and eccentric wife reached the father, he travelled to his son's camp to find out what had happened. He suspected that the woman was a 'bong', a form of undead being that is created when an evil spirit enters into the body of someone who had just died, bringing it back to life. These creatures live deep in the forest, eating small animals and avoiding the wolves that hunt them. Anyway, when the father reached his son's home, he found the beautiful and mysterious woman who had become his daughter-in-law. He had her seized and when his men pulled back her hair they found an extra eye on her scalp, a sure sign that she was a bong. The father ordered that she should be beheaded. Before her death the wife made one last promise to her husband. She said, "Come back to this place in one year and where my blood had been spilled on the ground you will find a beautiful plant growing. Take the leaves, dry them, and then smoke them. They will make you feel the happiness you felt with me." The next summer the young man returned to the site of his wife's execution. There in the clearing there stood a tall, beautiful plant, like none he had seen before. He took the leaves, dried, and smoked them as he had been told. As he smoked he felt happiness and comfort from his wife's last gift. To this day many men enjoy this woman's gift to humans. But the moral of the story is, that like the love of a beautiful woman it has its danger, for it will enslave a man with its addictive power." Henry finished. "Now that is one weird legend." Braistway said appreciatively. "Still doesn't explain why the nebula thing beamed down to that desert." "Actually, it makes perfect sense." Reimann countered. "When I was trapped in it the cloud had an overwhelming urge to find a friend, when I said we could be friends it seemed to get extremely happy. Lets say that the nebula, trapped in the transport buffer then comes across this legend and decides to follow it." "You mean it's gone off to marry a bong?" The first officer joked. "No, to find that plant. Henry, say that bit again about when the guy returned to where the wife was beheaded." "Errr...As he smoked he felt happiness and comfort from his wife's last gift." Henry quoted. "Exactly! Computer, locate the closest synthebacco plantation to, where's that legend from?" Reimann asked. "Buryat Mongol. Nowadays that's the Baikal and Sayan Mountains." "Okay, locate the closest synthebacco plantation to the Baikal and Sayan Mountains." "Plantation Located." the computer responded. "Nice one. Display location." A holoprojector in the middle of the table displayed a 3D map of Central Asia, pinpointing known locations, mainly the Himalayas to the South and the cities of Ulaanbaatar in Mongolia and the Chinese Beijing alongside various other smaller Chinese cities. A flashing light highlighted the town of Kucha at the northern edge of the Taklamakan Desert. "Hold on here, let me get this straight." Braistway said, leaning forward on her chair to study the map closer. "We got this nebula thing whose protons have decided to act against the laws of physics and at the same time happen to make said nebula sentient. How am I doing so far?" "Very good." Flash said. "Okay. Then this nebula thing gets a bit lonely and decides to go get itself a friend, and finds itself on board. However, anytime it tries to make a friend it ends up killing them. Until we come along and hold it in the transport buffer where it somehow comes across this legend about a plant which when smoked gives the smoker happiness and comfort. This seems like a good solution to the nebula's loneliness problem, so it beams itself down near a tobacco plantation." "That's what it looks like." Reimann confirmed. "We'll alert the authorities to evacuate Kucha, though I'm not sure how quickly this can be done. The nebula's beam down location appears to be several kilometres away from the plantation itself, so we've still got time to intercept it before it does any more damage. What's the best way to capture it?" "As I said earlier, force fields are the way to go.” Nyoko said. “Two emitters either side of the cloud should do it. Once it's in the force field we beam it all back up to the ship and stick it in a maximum level force fields in one of the science labs." "Sounds like a plan. Since you came up with it Nyoko you'll come with me in case anything goes wrong with the mobile emitters. Flash, you get ready to beam the thing back up once we trap it. Henry, you and Soledad contact Earth Authorities, see what you can do about evacuating Kucha and getting us some back-up. Lets move." Reimann ordered, getting up from out of his chair and heading out the doors. "You say what now?" The face on the viewscreen asked incredously. "I know it sounds odd, but you have to evacuate the town of Kucha and surrounding region forthwith. A killer cloud is on the loose done there, we've sent a team down to stop it but to play it safe it's better to get everyone to a secure location." Braistway said, sitting in the Captain's chair. Behind her at the Tac/Ops console GorDonTer was tracking Reimann and Nyoko who'd beamed down to the Earth's surface. "A killer cloud? You've gotta be kidding..." The government offical replied. "Oh come on! It ain't that hard to get your head around! Listen, put me through to your superior official." "Hey, I'm in charge here, you won't be talking to no superior official!" "For fricks sake!" Braistway shouted. "A hell of a lot of people are going to die! And it's your job to do something about it!" "I'm going to give you a number." The government official said. "He's a very good psychiatrist. You should talk to him about this 'killer cloud' thing..." "Oh go..." Flash cut the channel before Braistway could finish insulting the government official. "Well, a load of good that did." "What now? The Captain needs help." Flash asked. "I might be able to help." Dcotor Scorpio said. She'd been standing listening at one side of the bridge, but now moved into the centre. "A couple years ago I worked at a practice in San Francisco, I got to talk to the odd Starfleet Admiral every now and again, perhaps one of them might remember me." "Let's try it, we've got nothing else." Braistway said. "Okay, lets try Admiral G'shak, he's head of Internal Affairs." "Opening channel." Flash said, on the viewscreen appeared a Starfleet officer. "Admiral G'shak, Internal Affairs, Commander Hellington speaking. How can I help?" "Commander, my name is Doctor Belle Scorpio, I used to work at the Western Board California Medical Practice and saw Admiral G'shak on a variety of occasions. Would I be able to speak to the Admiral this is a matter of life or death." "I don't know Doctor, the Admiral's very busy..." "Please, people's lives depend on this." "Oh, alright. I'm quitting this job next week anyway. Transferring you now." "Thank you Commander." Scorpio said, and waited as Hellington's image was replaced by that of Admiral G'shak. "Yes? Doctor Scorpio! Good to see you again, it's been, what, three or four years now? How's that change os scenery going?" "Very good honey, thanks. Listen, you need to evacuate to town of Kucha in the Taklamakan Desert. And on top of that you'll need to send some Security over there, we've got a bit of a situation." "A situation?" "Killer cloud of the loose, bla bla bla, going to kill everyone and destroy the Earth, so on and so forth." Braistway said, waiting anxiously. "Come on, we haven't got much time here." "You serious? Hmmm….yes, you are. Strange. Let's see what we can find..." G'shak started tapping away on a console. "Listen, best I can do is divert a security team from Beijing, but it will take half an hour to get them going. There's also three Type-19A shuttles on a Starfleet Science research expedition at Kalaallit Nunaat, it'll take them twenty minutes to get to Kucha." "Wonderful. Just wonderful." Braistway muttered. "Send them Admiral, if that's the best we can do." Scorpio said. "Done and done." Admiral G'shak stated, tapping away further on his console. "Where's your Captain, I take it he's dealing with this emergency?" "With the load of help we've had from you he'd better be." Braistway complained. “Nice place.” Nyoko muttered after she had materialized. Herself and Reimann had beamed down to the town of Kucha, though as she saw now it was more of an oasis with the odd grey building. When people think of an oasis in a desert they imagine plush palm trees surrounding a clear blue lake, with coconuts and dodgy souvenir vendors. More often than not this could not be further from the truth, and this was one of these times. The town seemed to be centred around two relics: an old oil drilling platform, not used for over five centuries, and a well complete with pulleys, rope and rusty bucket. In addition to some ruins of brick houses long abandoned were three or four new buildings, and the massive greenhouse to the south of the town full of lush vegetation. Nyoko put on some sunglasses she'd swiped from the Dillons Supply Depot on board the ship and looked towards the largest of the modern buildings in the town, out of which came running a fat man, heading up towards them. “Listen, thanks again for saving my life back on the ship. Brilliant quick thinking.” Reimann told Nyoko. “Don’t think about it sir, all in a days work.” “Yes, yes it is. Reminds me of when I was an Crewman on the Star Wolf under Captain Parsons…” Reimann’s story was interrupted as the man rushed up to them. “You Spacemen! You Spacemen!” he shouted at them as he poked Reimann with his pudgy index finger. “Yes, I guess we are Spacemen. I’m Captain Klaus Reimann and this is Engineer Nyoko Chugoku from the Dillon Enterprises Starship Hansean. Are you the owner of the Kucha Synthebacco Plantation Corporation?” “Yes, yes, synthebacco. I am Gor. I make, I grow synthebacco.” The man answered emphatically. “Family business?” Reimann asked. “Yes, yes, all the Gor family. My father grow synthebacco in Kucha. And my father’s father. And my father’s father’s father. And my father’s father’s father’s sister. And my father’s father’s father’s sister’s goat. And my father’s father’s father’s sister’s goat’s father. And my father’s father’s father’s sister’s goat’s father’s father. Many generations, all grow synthebacco in Kucha. Quality synthebacco, I sell you. Ten credits, quality synthebacco, yes?” “No, thank you, I don’t smoke. Listen, this is important. I believe one of my crew has been in contact with you about a threat heading in this direction. I need you to get everyone who lives here together and congregate at the well. And when everyone is there, huddle close together, squeeze this,” Reimann took the comm badge he had brought with him and gave it to Gor, “and say how many of you and to beam up. You understand this?” “Yes, yes, I get everyone together. All Gor family, but not Mor, because he in Saskatchewan buying ostrich eggs and he back tomorrow. But I get everyone else and go to the well and say lotsa people to beam up.” “Nice one.” Reimann said, as Gor waddled back off to the town where various people had started to congregate, staring up at the Starfleet Officers. “Who even buys synthebacco anyway?” Sulu asked. “What even is it?” “You’ve heard of tobacco right?” “Sure, in Earth History. You roll the leaves up, burn them and die a couple years later from all the crap in your body, and for good measure help to give cancer to a couple other poor sods through passive smoking. Thought they got rid of it ages ago.” “Yes, tobacco they got rid of. So someone went and invented synthebacco. It’s the same as tobacco, except it doesn’t contain nicotine so you don’t get addicted to it, and they’ve removed all the stuff that filled your lungs with tar and crap, so you don’t get any of the ill-effects.” “But it still tastes like crap and smells like crap right?” “Well it wouldn’t be synthebacco if it tasted and smelt of a roast dinner now would it?” “Okay then, so why does anyone still smoke the stuff?” Nyoko asked, trying to reason how the Gor family could make a generational living out of something no one in their right mind would buy. “People tend to be strange Nyoko. And stupid. But mostly strange, very strange.” The Captain reasoned. “Right.” Nyoko, unconvinced, took out her quadcorder and started scanning off in the general direction of the desert. “Found our friend, just a couple kilometres south of here. I’d say we have about ten minutes at the rate it’s currently travelling at.” “Okay.” Reimann looked towards the well, where he saw the entirety of the town’s population crowding around Gor. Seconds later they disappeared as the transporter took them up to the ship. “Braistway to Reimann, we’ve got them.” The first officer’s voice told them over Reimann’s remaining comm badge. “Good job. What luck have we had getting some back-up here?” “A couple Starfleet shuttles have been ordered towards your location, although the nearest shuttles they could divert from their current duties were stationed in Kalaallit Nunaat and will take twenty minutes to arrive. A Starfleet Security Team is forming up in Beijing, they’ll be with you in half an hour.” “Not good enough Leanne, we’ve got company in ten minutes.” “It’s the best we can do Captain. You’re just going to have to trap it yourselves or delay it.” “Yes, it does look like we’ll have to do that. In case of an emergency be prepared to beam us up. Reimann out.” “Brilliant, up to us to save the world.” Nyoko moaned. “You get use to it.” Reimann replied. “It’s going to be useless trying to catch it in the open with only two emitters, we’ve going to have to get either side of it. I’d suggest we take it at the entrance to the synthebacco greenhouse, it’ll be distracted as it will be nearing its goal, so you can sneak up behind it. Once in position we power up the force field, and sorted.” “You make it sound easy.” Nyoko complained. She knew from all the old mission logs she had been giving to read by her parents that plans this simple never worked. “Keep it simple, always the best plan of action. Come on, lets get moving.” “Yes sir.” "Flash, prepare to transport as many people as we have to, stick them in one of the Cargo Bay's, don't want to let them loose anywhere they can do damage." Braistway ordered. "Affirmative. Transport complete, we have thirty human lifesigns which one has transported to Cargo Bay Two." Flash said from his Tac/Ops console. “Braistway to Reimann, we’ve got them.” The first officer said, opening a comm channel. “Good job. What luck have we had getting some back-up here?” The Captain replied. “A couple Starfleet shuttles have been ordered towards your location, although the nearest shuttles they could divert from their current duties were stationed in Kalaallit Nunaat and will take twenty minutes to arrive. A Starfleet Security Team is forming up in Beijing, they’ll be with you in half an hour.” “Not good enough Leanne, we’ve got company in ten minutes.” “It’s the best we can do Captain. You’re just going to have to trap it yourselves or delay it.” “Yes, it does look like we’ll have to do that. In case of an emergency be prepared to beam us up. Reimann out.” "Brilliant." Braistway said, tapping her fingers impatiently on the Captain's chair. "Listen, I can't take this any longer, it should be the First Officer that goes on dangerous away missions. I'm going down there." The first officer set off for the turbolift. "If you're going down there then so am I." Sanchez said. "Don't make me pull rank." she added seeing that Braistway was going to object. "Very well. Flash, Henry, go take care of our guests in Cargo Bay Two. Lombardo has the bridge." The doors to the turbolift swished closed. "Transporter Room." Henry had her pistol out, ready to use it. Reimann had said that the guests would be friendly but they had just been suddenly beamed away from their small remote town into a Cargo Bay and she wasn't going to take any chances. Flash, bringing his height up to his full seven feet, didn't bother with any weapons. They approached the large double doors which proceeded to open revealing Cargo Bay Two, a large room full of plastic containers and barrells and now thrity bewildered humans. “You Spacemen! You Spacemen!” the fattest and oldest male in attendance shouted at them. "That is accurate. One is GorDonTer, and Yeoman Henry Jarvis." Flash replied. "You are on board the Starship Hansean. One apologises for the inconvenience." "I'm sure you'll be returned to your homes as soon as possible." Henry added. "I am Gor. Why we here? Why you beam me up Scotty?" "Pardon?" Flash asked, bewildered. "Beam me up Scotty! You beam me up Scotty!" "I don't understand..." Henry asked. "I believe I do Yeoman, he is referring to the transporters." Flash replied. He then turned to Gor. "One must inform you of an emergency currently underway at your town of Kucha. But be reassured that our people are solving this problem as one speaks." "Emergency?" Gor asked. "Yes, an emergency. May one provide you with sustenance?" Gor looked at the plant-like crewman confused. "Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Henry translated. "I do not know, I ask." Gor turned and shouted at the other people in the room in an uncomprehensible language. One or two shouted back, including an old woman dressed entirely in black who waved her hands frantically and appeared to be in the initial stages of a heart attack. Gor turned back to Flash and Henry. "No, we well, all good." "Cracking. How about we go somewhere more comfortable?" Henry asked. "Flash, any ideas?" "One does not know. The crew lounge is currently unavailable due to maintainence work. Holodeck?" "Holodeck it is then." Henry marched out first, leading the way. She was quickly followed by the villagers, twenty-nine of them though neither Flash or Henry thought to do a head count. Flash quickly looked around the cargo bay searching for stragglers, and finding none set off after the group. Seconds after he turned a corner a small boy, no older than 8 or 9, left his hiding place behind a blue plastic barrell and departed the cargo bay turning towards the opposite direction Henry, Flash and the villagers had left. Reimann held up his palm towards Nyoko indicating for her to stop and hold still. Nyoko nodded to show her understanding and hid behind a rocky outcropping next to the entrance. Both the Captain and Engineer were stationed either side of the door, waiting for the gas creature to enter the tobacco plantation. Nyoko had entertained some doubts about whether the anomaly would actually use the door, but Reimann had calmed her down telling her of countless scientific reports which showed that the Federation had yet to meet an alien which did not use them. Reimann cringed back slightly as the gas creature approached it's target. "Come on, come over here..." He muttered, urging the gas creature on. The cloud moved through the town, on a direct course for the greenhouse. It stopped momentarily as it approached the canopy which provided the cover for the synthebacco grown inside. "Yes, this way, turn towards the door..." Reimann continued egging it on. Unfortunately for him, instead of turning left and heading towards the door it simply continued floating forward, passing through the canopy as if it didn't exist. Reimann jumped out from his hiding place. "You stupid cloud! You're meant to go through the door!" He shouted after it. "The stupid door! That's the whole point of a door! You go in and out! Through the stupid door!" "Er...Captain? What do we do now?" Nyoko asked, surprised at Reimann's outburst. "I guess we'll just have to go in Crewman." Reimann said, looking dispairingly at the door. He turned to talk to Nyoko again, but was distracted by the sight of a transporter beam materialising two people off in the distance. "Great, what now?" "I thought I ordered you to stay on the ship!" Reimann told Sanchez and Braistway as they met in the centre of the town. "It's stupidity to try and tackle this thing with just the two of you!" Sanchez replied. "And I will start quoting Dillon Enterprises regulations about away missions to you Captain." Braistway added. Replicating Starfleet regulations, Dillon Enterprises had decided that Captain's should avoid entering hostile situations as much as possible, First Officers were meant to lead all dangerous away missions. "Okay, you're here now so there's not much point in doing anything about it." Reimann said, looking back up towards the greenhouse. "I've left Nyoko up there keeping an eye on the gas creature, we should probably get back up there." "You sure that was a good idea?" Braistway asked as they started walking. "Leaving her up there by herself?" "She's not stupid, and the gas creature should be too busy trying to smoke the synthebacco regardless. And I can see her from here." Reimann waved towards a figure crouching in the doorway. The figure turned and waved back at them before returning to her hiding place. “So what’s your wonderful plan then Klaus?” Sanchez asked, bitterness creeping into her voice. “Now if you’re going to act like that I might as well send you back up to the ship!” Reimann admonished her. “I just don’t see why we should have to trap this thing?” Sanchez asked. “We got the villagers out safe, we can follow the gas creature from a safe distance and just wait for Starfleet to turn up.” “No, this is our mess. Our problem.” Reimann replied determined. “We've crossed the bridge, burnt it and danced a merry jig on it's ashes: we're going to finish this off.” Braistway looked confused at Sanchez, who just shrugged in return and continued following Reimann back through the village. “Crewman.” Reimann said, crouching down next to Nyoko just outside the entrance to the greenhouse. “Captain, the creature hasn’t moved since you left. It’s just floating there, in the middle of the plantation.” “Thank the Great Bird for small favours.” Reimann muttered, looking around the greenhouse and taking it all in. “Okay, we still need to trap this thing. I’ve got Sanchez and Braistway searching through the village looking for anything that might help. When they return it’s pretty much the same plan as before: we approached from opposite angles and trap it in the middle.” “Yes sir.” Nyoko answered. She turned from Reimann to look at the gas creature again, which continued to float annoyingly in the middle of the synthebacco plantation, doing absolutely nothing at all. Deciding to ask what was on her mind, she turned to Reimann, before deciding it was probably better not to ask. Reimann however picked up on this. “Go on Nyoko, ask. Always better to ask than to remain ignorant.” “Captain, just what are we doing here?” Nyoko blurted out. “Wow, that’s a big one.” Reimann took a deep breath, and began. “Well, many people have different views on the purpose of life, but…” “No, nothing that general Captain. I mean here. Now.” “You mean to ask why I’m not waiting for back-up? Why not wait for Starfleet to take care of this? Why I’m risking the situation now instead of waiting for safer odds for success?” Reimann clarified. Nyoko nodded in reply. “That’s a pretty big question again, a Crewman doubting orders from her Captain…” Reimann looked to see if Nyoko flinched, most other crew he’d met would of wet themselves at the accusation that they’d been questioning his orders. Probable sacking offense, breaking the chain of command…Nyoko however plainly stared back at him, awaiting a response. “Well I guess you deserve an answer if I’m about to place your life on the line.” He thought for a few seconds, preparing an answer, and then began. “This is something we began, and we have to finish it for all the people who can’t. We’re incredibly privileged to be in this position, where we can make a change, we have to. I’ve got tens of dead people on my ship, and it’s my command. We fix this. That’s why we’re here.” “No offense sir, but it’s not. If you think that by risking your life and others stupidly is the only way to rest the souls of those who have died you’re completely wrong. There’s nothing you could have done to help them on the ship, nothing. And getting yourself killed as some sort of avenging force isn’t going to honour the dead.” “I am not some sort of avenging force!” Reimman snarled in reply. “I’m a ship's Captain. That means I have a responsibility. Maybe one day you’ll understand that.” “No Captain, I don’t think I will. Starfleet has the responsibility of protecting the Federation and it’s citizens from natural and outside threats, not us. We're just in charge of delivering cargo. And, trying not to sound like a Vulcan here, the logical course of action is to simply let them handle this.” “Which I take is keeping ourselves safe until that Security team arrives and we can use their shuttle’s deflector dish to create a forcefield to safely trap the gas creature?” “If that’s the best way of doing it, then yes, it is.” “No, we won’t do that.” “Again sir, why? With all due respect, why?” “Because it’s the right course of action!” Reimann saw Nyoko sigh, and turn to look back at the gas creature. “Listen, this isn’t some old code of honour, heck maybe it is but I don’t care. We're not Starfleet, we're workers for some Galactic capitalist corporation. But I've been other things in my life: a privateer, captain of civilian transports, and from time to time even a pirate.” The Captain stared at the creature, which had not moved from its previous position. “This is the frontier Nyoko, we’re out on the edge of who and what we are. What we do now determines not only our current selves, but also the future selves we want to be. It’s important that we do this. It’s right.” Reimann smiled at Nyoko, who allowed herself to smile back. “You still think I’m a reckless maniac don’t you?” “Yes sir. But I’m glad I’m serving under this maniac rather than any other.” “Good answer Nyoko, good answer.” Sensor Specialist Giuseppi Lombardo sat, alone, in the Captains chair at the centre of the bridge. With Dr. Scorpio down in Sickbay preparing to receive any casualties, either from Reiman’s group or from the villager’s who had just beamed up, Lombardo was the only crewmember left on board to hold down the fort. Flash and Henry were looking after the villagers, and so he was forced to sit there, useless, unable to even continue his own work into the gas creature as the computer worked to creature a simulation of it from the data gathered. “Uuuuiiiiii.” Lombardo muttered to no one in particular, leaning back even further into the Captain’s Chair. What could he do? He was bored out of his skull here, nothing to do. Then the idea struck him. Of course! Why hadn’t he thought of it earlier? “Computerino!” He shouted, jumping out of the chair. “Engagie Disco Mode!” “Disco Mode engaged.” The computer replied, as the lights on the bridge dimmed, spotlights all the colours of the rainbow flashed around the room, and a disco ball lowered itself from the ceiling, glittering. As the beats started pumping out the various speakers around the bridge Lombardo started pulling some moves. “Oh yeah, lookie me go!” Lombardo said as he danced his way across the command centre. He had just started to do the Robot when the doors at the back right of the bridge swished open and the escaped child stepped out. At the time Lombardo was facing away from the turbolift and the loud music concealed the sound of the turbolift and child. Giggling, the boy came further onto the bridge, heading up towards the Tac/Ops console. “Here we are, Computer, activate an appropriate leisure program to entertain guests for a period of up to, oh, four hours.” Henry said, standing in the holodeck alongside Flash and the twenty-nine Kucha villagers. The normal black and yellow grid that formed the normal holodeck background dissappeared, and Henry found herself standing in a large sterile-looking room, with cream painted walls which ran halfway until they met cheap light wood panneling at the bottom half of the wall. The room, which at the very least was large enough to accommodate them all, was populated by pale blue sofas and chairs, and the odd coffee table on top of which were piled a variety of magazines. “Oh, wonderful, we got a waiting room.” The Yeoman complained. “Computer, couldn’t you have done better?” “Analysis shows that this program is the most appropriate to the given circumstances.” The computer replied in it’s ever unchanging voice. “Umm, well, thanks.” Henry replied. She plopped down on the nearest chair and took one of the magazines off the table. Around her the villagers did the same and Flash set off for the drinks dispensor, settling down for a wait. “Okay, let’s try this place.” Braistway said, leading Sanchez into the biggest of the town’s buildings. “What are we even looking for?” Sanchez asked, glancing round the entrance. The building appeared to be an office, with a contact desk taking up half the room, with a staircase at the back of the other half. “Oh, I don’t know. We’ve got five minutes to find anything we can use to distract the gas creature with: pure nicotine, a load of refined synthecigs, a Days of Honour box set, whatever. Just as long as we manage to get the thing’s attention.” Braistway started heading up the stairs and found herself looking at a cubicle-filled floor. “Yah, because that’s really going to help us capture this thing.” Sanchez muttered, climbing up the stairs after Braistway. The horrible desert heat and the fact she’d been stuck behind a desk for the past decade meant that she was close to exhaustion by the time she reached the top. She looked around, and saw Braistway leaning over one of the terminals in a cubical. “Find anything interesting?” “No, not really.” Braistway said, looking up at her. “Financial records, these guys do a lot better than I thought they did. You know they’re due to ship out over a hundred crates to some town in Sri Lanka? Honestly, the entire island must smoke.” “Don’t talk to me about financial records and shipping crates, it’s what I do for a living.” Sanchez complained. “From our ship now?” Braistway asked, a derogatory tone entering her voice. “Hey, not my idea smart arse.” Sanchez replied. “Bloody offices burnt down and I got assigned to your dump of a ship.” “Hey, it takes some special skills to burn down an entire office block this day and age.” “What did you just say?” Sanchez asked irritated. “Oh, nothing ma'am. Just complimenting you on the talents you obviously possess in running such a necessary and vital department. I can honestly say the whole of Dillon Enterprises would grind to a standstill if it weren’t for the Accounting department.” “Okay, that’s it. I’m taking you down.” Sanchez moved to the cubical nearest to her and picked up a lamp, disconnecting the wire. She held it shoulder height, aiming, and let loose towards Braistway. The First Mate only barely managed to duck out of the way, and the lamp connected with a pane of glass which formed a partition into a small office, shattering it. Braistway approached the scene of destruction, whistled appreciatively at the damage done and looked into the office, careful not to cut herself on the shards of glass now sticking out at various angles around the hole where the lamp had gone through. “Now that is definitely interesting.” She muttered, completely forgetting about the irrate Sanchez at the other side of the room. Braistway pressed against the office’s door, and it creaked open with little resistance. She emerged seconds later, carrying various oxygen tanks and gas masks. “Looks like somebody was going to go on a suba diving holiday.” She told Sanchez. The other woman approached, their previous spat forgotten, and looked inside the office leaving with more breathing apparatus. “Should be useful if we end up getting attacked again. Better get these to Reimann.” “Yah.” Braistway agreed. They’d made it back down the stairs and into the reception area before either of them spoke again. “Listen, if anyone asks about the broken window, it was vandals, it was like that when we got here.” “Definitely.” Sanchez agreed. The boy climbed up on the chair on front of the Tac/Ops console, looking at all the pretty blinking lights. This was fun! He looked to the left of the console, where there were a load of controls labelled 'weapons control'. He poked the light which said 'neutron torpedo'. The pretty lights changed, and a line of text appeared: The boy cocked his head, intrigued, he pressed another button, this time on the other side of the console. The boy giggled, and pressed Y. Laughing more, he spun around in the chair. "Wheeeeee!!!!" "So, what have we got?" Reimann asked as Braistway and Sanchez returned. "We found these." Braistway said, dumping the oxygen tanks and masks on the dusty ground. "These things are fricking heavy." "Full of oxygen and prepped Captain, we could use these." Nyoko said, scanning them with her quadcorder. "Nice one. Lets get Nyoko and me suited up in these, then we'll be fairly safe in trapping the gas creature." Sanchez took Reimann, and Braistway Nyoko, lifting up the full oxygen tanks and holding them up as Reimann and Nyoko put the shoulder straps on. When Braistway let go Nyoko fell backwards, tumbling to the floor. Braistway only just managed to jump out of the way, and laughed as Nyoko gasped in pain as he back dug into the thick metal of the oxygen tank. "Come on, it's not that heavy. Let's have you back up." Briastway said, taking Nyoko by the hands and pulling her back up. "What's that?" Nyoko asked, looking up at the sky. "What's what?" Reimann asked, turning to look towards the sky. "That light" Nyoko said, pointing at the falling object she'd spotted when she'd fallen to the ground. "I don't know, a meteor or something, not important." Braistway said. "Nah, moving too fast for a meteor. Starfleet shuttle perhaps?" Sanchez guessed. "Can't be, too small." Braistway replied. "Can't be..." Reimann said throughtfully. He then jumped, pulling the oxygen tank off his back, knocking his comm badge to the floor as it got stuck on one of the tank's shoulder straps. But there was no time to stop and pick it up. "Torpedo! Run!" He sprinted away, and the others followed him, running for their lives. Lombardo was about to move onto his breakdancing spins, when, mid-twist, he saw the child playing on the Tac/Ops console. Stumbling, he stopped dancing and scrambled his way to the console, grabbing the child and pulling him away from the controls. He looked down, and saw that he'd launched a torpedo. Then we saw the target. He went limp, and dropped the child to the floor. He tried to abort the torpedo, but it was too late. Five seconds to impact. Four. Three. Two. One. "Mamma mia!" The neutron torpedo didn't hit the ground. Rather, as programmed it exploded fifty feet above it's target area, the specialised casing directing the full force of the explosion downwards. The initial explosion vaporized the immediate area, a 9 metre-wide crater forming in the ground. The blast levelled most of the buildings in the town, concrete slabs and bricks propelled upto sixty feet in the air, coming back to ground as far as two miles away. As the explosion hit, Reimann, Nyoko, Braistway and Sanchez dove for cover. "That's it! Now I'm starting to get annoyed." Reimman said, getting up from the ground and brushing dust off his uniform. "Everyone else alive?" he asked. "Probably." Braistway answered, looking around. Nyoko and Sanchez also stood back up, carrying only minor injuries. She looked back at the town, every building, including the massive greenhouse, completely levelled. The gas creature was hovering in the middle of the ruins, impervious to the destruction of the torpedo although it looked agitated. "What now?" "I have no idea what that was, but I'm just going to finish this off now, once and for all. Nyoko, you sneak up on the left, I'm taking the right. Leanne, Soledad, you stay here and don't move, no matter what." And without waiting for acknowledgements of his orders he started jogging off to the right of the greenhouse ruins, stopping momentarily only to hide behind a piece of debris and check what the gas creature was doing. Nyoko did likewise, slowly circling the gas creature to the left. Within twenty seconds both Reimann and Nyoko were in position, ten yards either side of the gas creature which seemed lost in it's desolation at the destruction for it's cure for loneliness. On Reimann's signal, the Captain and Nyoko activated the forcefield emitters, each sending out a v-shaped field meeting in the middle and trapping the anomaly. It briefly struggled against the force field that held it, but to no avail. “No! Want friend!” it cried. “Well, that was easy.” Nyoko commented. Epilogue “Captain’s log, stardate 178030. The force field trapping the anomaly held until a Starfleet Security Team arrived, and after a quick study on the anomaly it has been classified as a sentient being, and is due to be returned to the nebula from whence it came by my old ship the SS Spallanzani where it will hopefully find some friends of its own kind. Meanwhile on board ship it’s just started getting pretty hectic as the full compliment arrived on board, and the cargo bays full of freight. All but one department heads report ready for departure, and we are scheduled embark on a shakedown cruise tomorrow at 0900 hours. I can whole-heartedly say that after the problems we’ve had here in Spacedock I am looking forward to heading out into friendly space. End log.” “Come in, come in.” Reimann said in answer to the door chime to his ready room. The doors parted, and Nyoko walked in. “Captain, you wished to see me?” “Yes, I did. What’s happening down in Engineering?” “Sir, we’re still drastically understaffed. The Engineering team currently consists of three Crewmen and myself. I’m sure they can do a competent job, but we really could do with a full Engineering team.” “I’m doing my best to get some help for this Nyoko, but Engineers are bit thin on the ground these days. Just keep plugging away at it.” “Sure thing sir. Have we been assigned a new Chief Engineer yet?” Nyoko asked. “As a matter of fact I’ve chosen one.” Reimann replied. He reached into one of the drawers in his desk, and came back up with a PADD. He threw it at Nyoko. “Congratulations on your promotion Chief Engineer Chugoku. I know Engineering will be in good hands with you.” “What?” Nyoko said. “I’m promoting you to the position of Chief Engineer Nyoko.” “But sir, I’m just out of University, I’m…” she argued, trailing off towards the end. “Don’t you want the job? You get a nice pay rise.” Reimann questioned, though he knew it was rhetorical. “Err…yes, of course I want the job.” “Sorted then. Now get my ship in shape Chief.” “Aye sir.” Nyoko said unsteadily, and left the ready room. Reimann leaned back in his chair, and smiled. “Computer, activate credits voiceover.” “Credits voiceover function activated.” “Space. The final delivery. This is the mission of the Starship Hansean: to deliver it's cargo, find new races and new civilisations, and get them to buy Dillon Enterprises merchandise. And above all, to ensure our shareholders get results, and damn the competition. Full speed ahead, to the future that awaits us, let the voyages commence.” NEXT TIME ON THE INCONGRUOUS VOYAGES: Out in space, the Hansean is arriving in Cardassia on a routine run. But all stops being routine when the workers of the Textiles Industry go on strike. Can Reimann resolve the situation peacefully? Can the Cardassians be trusted not to try and kill everyone? Probably not. "United Colours of Cardassia", coming to a website near you, same Traks Time, same Traks Channel! But before that, the Incongruous Voyages shorts are launched with the first drabble pondering "A Botanical Question".