1. Good: Your wife is pregnant
    Bad: It's triplets
   Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago

2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you
    Bad: She wants a divorce
   Ugly: She's a lawyer

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing
    Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
   Ugly: So are you

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
    Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
   Ugly: You're in them

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
    Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
   Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion
    Bad: He's a cross-dresser
   Ugly: He looks better than you

7. Good: You give the "birds and bees:" talk to your daughter
    Bad: She keeps interrupting
   Ugly: With corrections

8. Good: The postman's early
    Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
   Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

9. Good: Your son is dating someone new
    Bad: It's another man
   Ugly: He's your best friend

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job
     Bad: As a hooker
    Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do!!