>"Periodic Elements"
>
>Valuable scientific data.
>
>The following are two proposed additions to the
periodic table of
>elements (from chemistry class):
>
>Element name: woman
>
>Symbol: WO
>
>Atomic weight: (don't even go there)
>
>Physical properties: Generally round in form.
Boils at nothing and may
>freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly.
Very bitter if
>mishandled.
>
>Chemical properties: Very active. Highly
unstable. Possesses strong
>affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and
precious stones. Volatile
>when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of
exotic food. Turns
>slightly green when placed next to a shinier
specimen.
>
>Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good
catalyst for dispersion of
>wealth. Probably the most powerful income
reducing agent known.
>
>Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced
hands.
>
>
>Element name: man
>
>Symbol: XY
>
>Atomic weight: (180 +/-50)
>
>Physical properties: Solid at room temperature,
but gets bent out of
>shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.
Difficult to find a
>pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are
unable to conduct
>electricity as easily as young samples.
>
>Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO
any chance it can get.
>Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.
Becomes explosive when
>mixed with KD (Element: child) for prolonged
period of time.
>Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
>
>Usage: None known. Possibly good source of
methane. Good specimens are
>able to produce large quantities on command.
>
>Caution: In the absence of WO, this element
rapidly decomposes and
>begins to smell.