DILBERT'S RULES OF ORDER
>
> 1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.
>Tomorrow is not looking good either.
>
> 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they
>make as they go flying by.
>
> 3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without
>it.
>
> 4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the
>statue.
>
> 5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't
>there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
>
> 6. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
>
> 7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and
>I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
>
> 8. My reality check bounced.
>
> 9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape
>key.
>
> 10. People who don't suffer from stress are usually carriers.
>
> 11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
>butter.
>
> 12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy
>and taste good with ketchup.
>
> 13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
>
> 14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level,
>then beat you with experience.
>
> 15. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the
>butt.
>
> 16. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of
>the month than you did before.
>
> 17. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you will get.
>
> 18. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a
>clipboard.
>
> 19. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing
>worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
>
> 20. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
>
> 21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
>
> 22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
>
> 23. Following the rules will not get the job done.
>
> 24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
>easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle
>this?"