scarymoviesurvival

How to Survive a Scary Movie!

You'll be glad you knew...

Follow these instructions and you'll be safe when you're in a scary movie-type situation!

Shadow Demon XLT's advice:
1.) 99% of the time the retaded guy did it.
2.) If a door doesn't open, there's a reason for it.
3.) For God's sake, buy a gun!
4.) Don't fall asleep.
5.) Don't look back.
6.) Sometimes head shots work well.
7.) Don't wander off by yourself.
8.) Don't put "kill me" signs on your own back.
9.) Don't rape the ghost under the bed. It only pisses him off.
10.) It's okay to wander off by yourself as long as you have the Secret Service on your back.
11.) Heh. It is safe to assume that you can ride Scooby Doo to safety.
12.) Always stay in fiction movies because infinite bullets help.
13.) Pour food on your best friend if you want a fast escape and all the beer to yourself at the end.
14.) Always throw the knife at the monster's friend so that the monster can throw it back nicely.

Knight 9910's advice:
1.) Never say, "I'll be back". Chances are, you won't
2.) DON'T WANDER OFF BY YOURSELF!!!
3.) If you hear something, get a gun and stay where you are. Investigate and you'll probably be attacked from behind and killed.
4.) RUN!!!
5.) Spend the extra two bucks on the silver bullets. It's worth it.
6.) It's ALWAYS the one you least suspect.
7.) DON'T WANDER OFF BY YOURSELF!!!
8.) Did I mention not to wander off by yourself?
9.) Stay with the group. DON'T WANDER OFF BY YOURSELF!!! (Seriously, 9 times out of 10, the reason people in horror movies die is because they wandered off by themselves.)
10.) Don't piss off the ghost and/or psychotic killer.
11.) If the walls attack you, it means the entire house is damned. Run fast and run far.
12.) If a person has a weird name (ie. Hannibal Lector, Norman Bates), then they are the killer.
13.) Looking like the ghost's od mistress or person who was responsible for the ghost's death is a surefire way to be killed.
14.) LOOK OUT!!!
15.) DON'T WANDER OFF BY YOURSELF!!!! (seroiusly, I can't stress this enough!)
16.) Skeletons are easy to defeat. Just take them apart and rearrange them.
17.) If in doubt, ask either the black chick or the geek for help.
18.) Try to keep track of how many shots you've fired. Knowing whether you've shot 3 shots or 170 helps.
19.) Everything DOES have a Twilight Zone explanation.
20.) Scooby Doo is only a show. The ghost and/or evil monster is not your best friend in disguise.
21.) When your daughter starts vomiting split pea soup and/or peeing on the floor, it's a good sign she's possessed.
22.) Always get your mother out of the bed before performing an exorcism,
23.) If a possessed person vomits on you, VOMIT BACK!!!
24.) Werewolves are easy to kill if you have silver bullets. Otherwise, pray to die quickly.
25.) Don't taunt the ghost. It won't help/ But it may get you killed.
26.) Another time to not assume the butler did it is when the butler was killed by the ghost.

Positron 3D's advice:
1.) If you suspect the one that you would normally least suspect, go with the second least suspicious until you realize that you can't trust anyone.
2.) Don't stop for popcorn, just get away.
3.) The cameraman will always pull away from you, so don't rely on him.
4.) Don't bother throwing 250-watt light bulbs to stall the enemy. 40-watts break and shatter better.
5.) A Michael Jackson impression will gain the trust of zombies. Remember this well.
6.) Vampires prefer Colgate over Crest 5 to 3. They get bad dental plans, so use a toothbrush and toothpaste to stall.
7.) Eat a pizza before you run. If you need to throw up, throw up on whoever you're running away from.
8.) Tricks always backfire. Go with something you know will work.
9.) Beg the director to yell "cut!".
10.) You will need to replenish your fluids once in a while, so take a water break and discuss recent world events with your chaser.
11.) Rock and roll will drive any evil spirit away from a body.
12.) When using a hammer and steak, make sure it's medium-rare. It'll be easier.
13.) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
14.) Always assume the butler did it unless there is no butler.
15.) If in doubt, hire Gilbert Gottfried to stall with pointless and ridiculous jokes. They'll be stalled for a long time, and the money will be more than worth it.

Soon to come, Dracano Yoshi's advice!

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