Suitcases: Pleasant Commodity or a Plague Across America?

What, are you kidding me? A Plague? Suitcases are really useful! You just put all your clothes, toiletries or other assorted items inside of them and it's, like, a billion times easier to carry all of them. Can we talk about being an alarmist? It's not like you simply suggested that they're not perfect. No, you called them a plague. That's borderline weird, man. I don't particularly like those gay backpacks with the wheels and the little handle that pops up from the top of it, but you don't hear me calling them a plague across America; and those things are totally fruity.

And - for god's sake! - it's not like suitcases only exist in America! I can't believe how many things there were wrong in your theory! Like, blatantly wrong! Jesus, man, you've been on edge ever since the whole thing with your girl, haven't you? Just calm down and quit acting so damned weird all the time, alright? You're really starting to freak most of us out with your walking around the house with a blanket wrapped around you and the way you keep cutting everything down. They're just suitcases!

Jeremy Seeba