Looking Back on the 100th Article Celebration

Unlike a bowl of molasses, the 100th article extravaganza had some high points and some low points. It also had a few sea level points, but those are boring. So high points or low points first? "I've got good news and bad news which do you want first?" The eternal question.The question your girlfriend always asks before she tells you she's pregnant, but you aint the babydaddy. I've always been of the opinion that it is best to get over with the bad news first because it can only go uphill from there. Being a hateful person who despises our readers I'm going to deal with the Good and finish with the dirty business of the bad. I hope it sours the entire experience.

Hi-Lites (a good magazine)

Sherwood's robot replacement program: Genius. However, it will only be genius if he can pull it off with a little more skill than current president, George W. Bush, exhibited in implementing his failed "Robot Cabinet Program". Every bit of Hugy bear's contribution was golden. It said everything I would have said had I not had more important matters to attend to. In the future I intend to go in and change that little bit so it says I wrote it, since Mr. Hugeunor steals ideas from me like I steal cookies from his pantry. Tommy Burma's review was very thorough; as we all know from prostate exams, a thorough job is a job well done.

Low-Lifes

Everyone knows a certain bartender contributed a rather racy, arousing, yet obviously fake photograph. C'mon people, this is ASTROTRAIN and we all know a little photoshop when we see it. There is no way a human dong can be that big. Speaking of big, a big disappointment about the 100th article celebration is that I did not contribute. I was too busy scratching and sniffing things. Also, notable were the constant (by which I mean dual) mentions of Cro-Mag. Let's not live in the past people. Finally, on the subject of not dwelling on or even mentioning the past (except in Alex's article's), what happens at the office parties stays at the office parties. All in all, it was a show of very poor taste - how fitting.

David Davis

p.s. Regarding Franklin Shields's asserion that he is Mr. Balderas' biographer i do regret to inform him that i have been commissioned by Mr. Balderas himself for that same purpose.