Don't Bring up My Fucking Personal Life, Mike

Alright, I know I haven't been the best suitor EVER, but you shouldn't be all bringing it up in front of everyone and shit.  And for that matter, I don't see Jodie Foster calling you back, do I?  Or that girl who poisoned that other chick in "Battle Royale?"  Hasn't called you back yet, huh?  Your method of getting someone to like you is apparently to run up to them, punch their shoulder, say "I know someone who likes you!" and then run away, giggling.  And you fault me? "Wave of Mutilation" happens to be amazingly romantic, for your information.  I bet you couldn't even sing it.  By they way, I didn't kiss him because it was A FIRST FUCKING date, muldoney!  You don't kiss a guy like Nate on a first date.  A guy like Nate has real CLASS, unlike a certain person I know whose name rhymes with Fikeall Bewguenor.  And no, I won't tell you how our dinner went, because I'm a gentleman.  A very gay gentleman.  Right now I am so Decepticon with you, Mike, it's not even funny.  Jeez.

A Certain Special Suitor