"Michael Chabon is the New Tight"

Okay, so's I got the new English class, EWRT 1B.  With a young guy, guy by the name of Tim Maxwell, see?  But this guy, Maxwell, he gave us some interesting reading.  First was a little red book with a Swastika and a sketch of a black-and-white cat version of Adolf Hitler.  It was a comic book, all about this guy Art Spiegelman's Polish Jew dad and how he survives the Holocaust.  I mean, this little bastard made it through Auschwitz, man.  Auschwitz, motherfucker!  But that's in the second book, mostly.  Suffice to say, I wasn't looking to excited-like to see the second reading.  "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay."  I was all, 'What you doing Timmy boy, this shit is like 600 pages long, that's longer than a motherfucker!'  But I still started the baby out.  And Maxwell pulled through.  Because of one thing.  One little phrase.  One!

Alright, before we get to the meat, the badass little phrase that made me drop one in my pants, here's a little background:  Josef Kavalier, this little Jewish bloke in soon-to-be Nazi occupied Czechoslovakia, is learning how to pick locks and shit, and how to become an escapist like motherfuckin Harry-Ass Houdini.  But first he just learns magic tricks.  Alright, here's the quote.

"And for Josef, the long hours spent standing in front of the lavatory mirror, practicing the palmings, passes, slips, and sleights that made it possible to seem to hurl a coin into the right ear, through the brainpan, and out the left ear of a chum or relative, or to pop the knave of hearts into the handkerchief of a pretty girl, required a masturbatory intensity of concentration that became almost more pleasurable for him than the trick itself."

...just let it ring...let it ring like the sound of chains unshackling themselves from your feet  that's right, it's and adjective now!  What the fuck, Chabon?!  You made my favorite pass-time into a motherfuckin adjective!  Who else wants to immediately track this Pulitzer Prize-winning little bitch and suck his tiny, wrinkled, writer's penis?!  C'mon!  Let me suck your dick!

Tom Theiss, formerly Tom Kruller

p.s. more to come!  by the way, "Theiss" is my maiden name.