The bug on my wall, and the butterfly up your ass

The title came first and it's half true. There is definitely this weird, spikey, miniature, black caterpillary thing on my wall. I don't want to kill it, but it also freaks me out. There's a conflict of interest. What do you do? It's like that scene in Gladiator where the emperor guy, played by Joaquin Phoenix (who is very hot in the film The Quills- good movie) must decide if he should kill Maximus, Russell Crowe, in front of his citizen people. On one side The Emperor is like, 'I fucking hate that guy, he stuffed my sister, who I happen to be in love with, but won't give it up to me, and even Pops loved him better than me. Fuck, everyone loves him better than me. And I'm the one with the leafy crown thing and shit.'

So yeah, he wants to kill him. But then he doesn't want to because his people are all like, 'Dude, Maximus is awesome, he like cares about shit so he didn't kill that one guy, and he can fucking kill things or whatever- and we want more killing and not killing of things.' So does The Emperor satisfy his people and help to (kind of) gain their adoration or does he kill MAXimus, the guy who stole his sister and father's love and wants to kill him? So he decides NOT to kill the guy, and I'm choosing not to kill the caterpillar by his example.

So I gave the thing the thumbs up, like Joaquin Phoenix, even though long bugs creep me out [i.e. slugs and things with lots of legs (i.e. caterpillars)] because I don't really have any personal vendetta against it, even if my sister and dad love him better than me. But I am damn merciful and like, 'Look you may have stuffed my sister, bug thingy, and my dad likes you better, and I know you're plotting to kill me, but I have a crowd of people who say you should live, and I want those bitches on my side."

Shit, I'm a damn good person. And goddamn is Joaquin Phoenix a hot bastard or what? Don't you dare say, WHAT- or I'll hunt you down and give the thumbs down, bitches.

Lindsey Morrone