The Biography of Astro Train Headwriter of Drunken Concert Reviews, Ruben Balderas, as told by Personal Friend and Biographer, Franklin Shields

Let me tell you about the oft-fabled Astro Train Head Writer of Drunken Concert Reviews, Ruben Balderas. Actually, hold on. To understand Ruben Balderas, you must first experience Ruben Balderas; must see what Ruben sees and he sees it. To get into character, I must first imbibe a Jack and Coke (Ruben's favorite mixed drink), and so should you.

Ruben was born in and currently resides in San Jose, California. He consumed his first alcoholic beverage at the age of 3. It was a Coors Light given to him by his father. By the age of 12, Ruben had sampled dozens of both domestic and imported beers. By the age of 14, he had a favorite beer (Heineken) and at 15 he was drinking as frequently as twice a week.

Around this time, Ruben began attending local punk and ska shows. Friends took notice that Ruben had an unusual knack for recounting what he had seen at these shows. Where most reviewers found it necessary to focus on how the band played, Ruben felt that was more of an afterthought. Ruben felt it was more important to focus on what was happening around him and how it affected him. Anyone could write a review about a band's technical ability or stage presence, but he was the only one who could tell you what it meant to him. He felt it would be a disservice to the masses if he didn't share his gifts with them.

He took up concert reviewing with which he split his time with his other love; drinking. In the following years, he discovered hard alcohol, mixed drinks, and more music. The odd thing was that it never dawned on him to combine his two passions.

However, one fateful night, a local music venue (which will remain nameless for legal purposes) gave him an "Over 21" stamp (he was less than 21). He took this to his advantage to drink the night away and watch of one of his favorite bands. The night proved to be more eventful than any average concert reviewer would have led you to believe, and after the show, Ruben talked to Astro Train Editor, Sherwood Harrington online (still quite drunk). Harrington who was quite familiar with Ruben's work, local notoriety, and international celebrity, asked him to recount the event of his evening for Astro Train.

The drunken Ruben, who had recently severed all ties with his former publication, agreed to contribute to Astro Train as a guest writer. That evening, Ruben composed his now prize-winning article on Reggie And The Full Effect. After overwhelmingly positive feedback and Astro Train's first award for writing came in, Harrington asked Ruben to join the Astro Train staff full time as the Head Writer of Drunken Concert Reviews. Ruben accepted and has since exceeded all expectations set forth by Harrington, Astro Train, and most importantly, the publication's millions of readers.

However, much has been made of the September 2003 debacle between Ruben and Harrington over creative license. Readers feared that Ruben would jump ship, which would have spelled disaster for Astro Train. Although Ruben and Harrington have a stormy working relationship, the creativity supplied by Ruben and the "all business" approach of Harrington seem to be a winning combination with the number of Astro Train readers increasing tenfold since the addition of Ruben to the staff.

Ruben will turn 21 in December of 2003. With this event will come an expected increase in output. Up to the task, Ruben is training to win himself a Pulitzer Prize and some sort of Spring Break Drinking Contest in Cabo in 2004. Future aspirations of Ruben's also include getting his name bumped to the top of the organ recipient list in time for his inevitable liver transplant and completing his book on ghost hunting with collaborator and friend Alex Siquig.

If you should run into him, buy him a drink. He will accept almost any kind of drink. Also, he is quite friendly. Feel free to strike up a conversation with him (of course only if you have bought him a drink first). If you are a hot girl, you might be able to get away with talking to him without buying a drink, but it is best not to take chances.