An In-Depth Look at Mr. Seymour Butts: Another Video Game Review

There seems to be an unbreakable bond between men, especially those of the perverted, college-age variety, of their common love of porn.  Like smokers, we form tiny little communities of addicts, both helping each other in providing material for our habits, and reassuring ourselves through our common dependency.  In fact, the editor of this very internet publication is borrowing a particular film, entitled "Ghostly Desires," if I am not mistaken, which I in turn was borrowing from my dealer/friend Paul.  But the following review is not of "Ghostly Desires," nor of any such regular pornographic material.  It is, in fact, a review of the brave sequel to "Seymour Butts," with the clever moniker "Seymour Butts II." This brilliantly crafted set of three dvd's is not a recording of illicit acts performed by large-breasted women, but rather a "dvd video game," with recordings of illicit acts performed by large-breasted women worked into it.  You play as the cherubic young Seymour, who's apparent hobby is to cart around his film recorder wherever he goes, while constantly talking to himself.  This minor case of schizophrenia aside, Seymour is fairly smart (for a man whose body has precious little amounts of blood to supply to the brain, as most of it is concentrated on his surgically-enhanced nether-regions), but still needs your help, as he has just discovered that his "dream-girl," Shane, a citizen of Canada, has had to leave America and return to her motherland because of visa problems.  No doubt this is because of some new regulation enforced upon foreign citizens by the Department of Homeland Security, depleting our great nation of its supply of attractive sluts (have the terrorists already won?).  Now, you are thrust into some sort of ghostly possession of part of Seymour's brain, and must help him find the funds needed to pay for his flight ticket to Canada. The game runs off a simple system, in which you start out with a couple of hundred dollars, and full health. You must spend money on certain things, such as paying Seymour's bills, and your health is depleted if Seymour happens to come to some physical harm, or if he just comes.  You need at least a little bit of health left by the end of the game, or else when you rejoin your precious Shane, you won't be able to satisfy her.  But getting back to those plane tickets-they cost $450, which you must get by pimping women out to your eager male friends.  Your slimy, mustachioed uncle, no doubt a friend of the director's, hatches this plan, reasoning that the attractive women you encounter will be star-struck enough by your camera to come to a stranger's house, and to have sex with another stranger, without a condom.  Who wouldn't? I must say, I enjoyed this game.  And by enjoyed, I mean masturbated to.  But I couldn't help but feel just a little let down.  I mean, maybe playing a hentai anime game like X-Change spoiled me a little, but I just wanted a little variety in the sex scenes. Only a couple of the sexual encounters were at all unique; the rest were just the same old thing, with different people doing it.  I guess I wanted some variety, some other types of situations.  Perhaps something where a student and her older, but not too old college professor have a clandestine rendezvous after class.  Maybe some housewives, with their husbands absent, decide to spend the afternoon together in the hot tub.  I'm just throwing these out there, of course, but I must reiterate the point that the game needed some more variety.  However, because of the fact that you actually have some control over your environment, having to actually use some of your wits to convince women to sleep with random men, and since the scenes in the game weren't badly done, just unoriginal, I still give it a strong 4 out of 5. By the way, don't try the first Seymour Butts.  I am told it was stinky.  And not in the way a porn is supposed to be.

-Tom Theiss