Hear It! The Truth Revealed!

I like food, food tastes good! I like food, food tastes good! Juicy burgers, greasy fries,
Turkey legs and raw fish eyes Teenage girls, with ketchup too! Get out of my way, or I'll eat you
I like food, food tastes good! I like food, food tastes good! I'm going to turn dining back into eating
I like food, food tastes good! I like food, food tastes good! I also like my Groom.

Fidella Villa Smith, A Snake

Boy howdy! My groom has definitely improved the standard of living around these parts. I can't imagine life without him. Offtimes I wonder from whence he came. But I know he loves it here with me, for I am all he will ever need in the world, I am the Peter to his Jesus, I am his Rock. Also, I am the King of Spain.

Greta von Doom, Math Teacher

I bought a Mail Order Groom. What does this say about me? It says I am really, really dumb.

Therese Hagen, Dummy

As you can see I am really enjoying my Mail Order Groom! He is a bit dense and has not grasped the concept of "not humping me from behind at all hours of the day" but he has heart and that's what I am all about. Heart. Well, heart and humping a lot.

Tiffany Goldwaiting, pro-bono laywer

I've been an insomniac for most of my adult life. Up until three weeks ago I thought I just liked the night better due to it's quiet nature. Imagine my shock when my doctor informed me my lack of sleep was directly influenced by my lack of mail order groom! Viva la revogroomcion!

Stacy Vickary, PTA President

After my life-mate of twelve years year passed on in a horrible grazing fire accident, I never thought it would be possible to love or laugh again. But fate stepped in and proved me wrong. Mail Order Groom sent me this delightful chap who's Christian name happens to be Chip. Ain't that a hoot! I pray every day that Chip loves and cherishes me as much as I do him. He's a sagacious little bugger, he is! Here we are in front of the White House. Just thought you should know. Mail Order Groom Heaven rawks!!!

Susan Cooke, Carpenter

Oh man, I can't believe I waited so long to order a mail order groom! I mean really, I now curse myself for my ignorance! My new husband (whom I jokingly like to call "The Hound") has found ways to put a smile on my dour face, day after day! Thank you so much, Mail Order Groom.

-Geoffery Taglukgut, Monk

There never seemed to be any time for romance. Sure I had suitors! Dozens in fact. But they were all missing one quality that I value above all other qualities. None of my suitors were property. Thus I could choose none. I thought I was destined to live the life of an old maid. Then Mail Order Groom arrived and solved all my problems. Bless the Lord Jesus, and bless this industry of mail ordering people! I see nothing wrong or disgusting with it, not at all. In fact, I also see nothing disgusting with not cleaning myself or not refridgerating my food.

Isabelle Xuan, Student

p.s I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INCREDIBLY HOT I AM!!!!!

Why are we all Asian? Well anyway, I condone my groom.

Maria von Bismark, Asian Hotel Employee

I'm just your basic all American girl looking for a good time! I like the Cowboys, American Pie (the food silly, not the two teen oriented movies starring Shannon Elizabeth the second of which did not feature nudity!), and Ma and Pa type outlets. But I LOVE my Mail Order Groom more than all that stuff put together! Also, I pray I never find this site and see my likeness here, and if I do, I pray I will laugh and not take legal action. Ta-ta!

Helen Hunterson, Successful Woman

Praise Allah for my vivacious groom. His name is Tyrone, and he is from Mozambique. God willing he will master the art of not being downright terrible in bed. If not, there is always his biological twin brother, Lars! You're my boy Lars!

Alias McGee, Puppeteer

This site is protected by Norm MacDonald and God. That being said, I wouldn't make any sudden moves.