This has been one wacky Primary Contest for the Democratic Presedential Nomination. I have it on sources as reliable as my dad that "there hasn't been anything like this in recent memory." I am inclined to believe him. In a contest that continues to flucuate and evolve, any hard speculation is moot. At this moment the first votes are being cast in Dixville, New Hampshire. The people of that state have been lucky enough to spend the better part of a year being entertained by these hopefuls, and probably know them inside out by know. We sent our own Mary Tumor out to New Hampshire to collect all the relevant data you, our loyal readers, need to assimilate before casting your votes. For get that nifty New York Times "Challenging Bush" series that tirelessly went over the strenghts and weaknesses of each candidate. Forget every other bullshit profile you've seen. This is the real shit. The Underground Shit. I want to take this time to remind you that Mary Tumor is black.