Why should I order a mail order groom?

Why not Miss Fancy Pants? It's better for you than carbohydrates and feels twice as good on top of you!

Are Mail Order Grooms dangerous?

Now that all depends. What it depends on I'll let you figure out. Here, take this simple test. Look at these pictures. Now decide which one looks more likely to gut you and then tie your guts around a coyote and then chase the coyote around:

OR

Think about it.

Some of you might look at this and go, "Oh dear, it is a blood soaked Chinese man with a gun pointing it at roughly my point of view!" Well, all non-tards know this is Chow Yun Fat, and he's probably defending your life at the cost of his own, so if you think he's a dastardly bastard then you my friend are a horrible judge of character and probably should not be wasting my precious time and my precious grooms.

Ah, for those of you who chose those other clowns. They are cold blooded killers. Do you know why they look so happy? Cause they just killed your best friend and they are now ready to kill you. Best run, they's a-comin.

Are Mail Order Grooms dangerous?

What is this some fucking glitch? I could have sworn this question was already asked. Get back to the fucking kitchen if you are going to waste my time with such redundant queries.

Is there anything else I should know?

Nope. Enough with the questions. God, just order him already. What are you waiting for? Meeting someone on your own? Don't get me started on why that won't happen.

How Do I Order One?

Send SASE to the following address, per care of Lark the Sisterman. Send a photo of yourself and a check for one thousand American dollars, hard currency. We look forward to exchanging ideas and bodily fluids. Culture clash is welcome and advisable. The address is:

587 S 5th St. San Jose. CA. 95423

For the REAL address email ME, the Groom King, at [email protected]