Not so long ago, I had the very special pleasure of popping down to Bournemouth University, UK., to speak on a subject very close to my heart: Money. But they wouldn't give me any so I agreed to talk to the students anyway about a subject a little less close to my heart: Animation. And because they're a damn fine bunch down there they listened intently to whatever rabid sputterings emanated from my fragile and diseased psyche that day, and patiently waited until the part of the talk that speakers and audience wait for with equal ation.That's anticipation for the audience and trepidation for the speakers. Because what these hungry young scamps- and tired, old, wizened mature students, let's not forget them!- really want to hear is not some idiot spouting on about how to do the job with some software that they already know (considering they have every release of every software package on their PC at home, probably more resources than most PP houses in Soho today)- but how to get a JOB. Now, there's a lot of mystery about this; some to-ing and fro-ing, humming and harring and a little Wa-hey! Where the fuck did *that* come from? So in the spirit of a crazed renegade magician escaping the stifling folds of the Magic Circle I'm going to saw in half the beautiful assistant of Job-Hunting Requirements. Here they are...the secrets are finally unleashed!
On your CV:
Always present yourself as confident and capable. Some people think a CV doesn't matter but they couldn't be more wrong. Most hiring bods will read all manner of atrocities and eccentricities into your CV unless you spell it out. Also bear in mind that many producers still can't feed themselves let alone operate a VCR. Your tape may never even get seen so make the most of your CV. Start off with a good joke like 'sex: yes please' and end with 'hobbies: shagging and drugs'. Lie criminally about experience you can't possibly have (Tron's a good one) and preferably take credit for a piece of work the guy hiring you actually worked on himself. If called on it at interview stage simply shrug and say "Well I could have done it. But better, grandad". Add cool comments like "I will be the best one day and if you miss me now I will make you pay". The CV really is the most important step in going for a job.
On your tape:
This is the most important step, of course. No tape- no job. I can't underestimate how important this will be in assessing you as a potential new animator, so....go large. I mean large. No, larger than that. I'm talking massive. Make the intro to Star Wars look like a Pot Noodle commercial. I'm talking credits, a massive, MASSIVE soundtrack- preferably Prodigy's "Firestarter", a suprisingly underused piece of music to animate to, and make the opening sequence your most majestic and slow piece you have. A 360 degree pan around a space scene would be perfect. Make it a 720. Beautiful. Then jump cuts through the rest of it: No more than 12 frames of each animation piece slammed together - about 45 minutes should be ample until the guy's eyes are bleeding, dude! Fantastic. Now, finally, is the time to showcase your best animation. What people want to see is just ONE example of animation, but the best one. It should be about 10 seconds long then just repeat it until the tape runs out. Put that lot together and I could watch it until my retinas detach.
in your interview:
You made it! Marvellous. This is the last step- but the most important one. Turn up late for god's sake. No one wants some Mr DoGood yapping around like a puppy. Show your strength, they'll soon be eating out of your hand, so why not make it now? As you get shown around the place make insulting comments about people's work to show that you're more capable. If they turn on you and say "Well, how would you do it?" Just sneer and say "Hey Pops, I don't work here yet. No advice for free." Then pretend to shoot them with your finger and wink. When asked if you work well with other people- you will be asked this- say "No. So I will need my own office". Set the terms out and you will get respect. Finally when you are shown the door and they say "We have some other people to see, we'll be in touch", don't shake their hand just spit "Fuck that! I wouldn't work here if you paid me a million. Besides, I've already been offered 80 thou by 2 of your competitors so you better think fast!". Go home, picking up a celebratory bottle of red stripe and a bounty bar, and wait for those phone calls to come in.
Remember: What post production houses are crying out for is animators who can tell their own story. You wouldn't
believe how much money there is waiting in buckets for people who want to animate their own story. If you are one of
these seemingly mythical beings simply turn up at the interview and say, "I don't want to work for you I want to
work at home on my own short. Give me money". Fantastic.
Last month's tutorial: Religion
Next month:Lemon Fresh