I've been accused of not caring about people! Yes... I know! Me! What's up with that?..as our American brethren might say. Well no more. I not only care but I also devote a fair amount of time to putting something back into the 3d community. Whatever the fuck *that* is.
Anyway maybe the following information that I am prepared to share with you will show you how much I love you.
Oi! Fatty! Yes- YOU!! Am I talking to you? Yeah I'm talking to you. Well, you're the only one here. Don't get defensive- I didn't make you fat. It's because you're an animator. There, I've said it. Our vocation has turned us into tubs of lard. (When I say *us* it's just a figure of speech- I mean you). And is that surprising? You sit at your desk in front of a monitor so big it's dry roasting your contact lenses- that you only have to wear because you sit in front of big monitors all your life. And your lenses are the only protection your fragile milky orbs have as they slowly break down under the murderous influence of the box of death. I'd save your scene right now in fact, just in case you go blind before returning to your work.
But, to be honest, your eyes are the least of your problems, Chunky. As you sit and oh-so-carefully tweak your keyframes....just...right. And now the x rotation- get right in there....and just...move...that handle...a...li-tle...there....You may notice that your breathing has been reduced to one shallow breathe every- hour- let's say. Your heart rate drops to like 3 beats a minute as your tongue slowly emerges from the corner of your mouth. You blink never times a minute and your blood begins to cool down and thicken. And then CLANG!!! your software crashes. Maybe with an amusing sound warning like a cymbal crash or a hooter. Note it isn't a kind, warm voice apologising and telling you everything's going to work out alright. No, it's a big comedy gong crash. It might as well be an irritating clown voice screaming "TWAT"! at high volume.And that- bam- right there is probably how you're going to go my voluminous friend. One little irreversible crash and your heart will do the cardiovascular version of the slipping on a banana skin gag and you get to animate in hell. (No. It will be hell. Don't kid yourself)
Most of the Disney guys died from cigarette related diseases. I don't know that for sure- I might have made it up- but I think it's the case. I think Walt might have had a few of them whacked during a pay dispute but that's besides the point. The point is ...er...where was I...Oh, I know. You have to look after yourselves. I don't care myself what happens to you- I'd rather most of you weren't here actually so I could jack my rates up a bit. But I would feel shallow and selfish if I didn't pass on the results of my investigations into Animators' Excercise in the Workplace. So read the following tips and you may keep breathing long enough to present some competition some day.
The first exercise is a warm up: Sit in front of the sockets where your machine is plugged in. Make sure you leave the sockets switched on- to save time later when you want to go back to work. Now take a plug in each hand and pull it out slowly- breathe in. Now push the plugs back in while breathing out. Do this 10 times slowly. Then rest for a minute. After the rest, thrust the plugs rapidly in and out as fast as you can until you really start building up a sweat. Do this at least 100 times. If you feel a slight tingling don't stop- this is your...er...circulation returning to ...pre metabolised levels of ...normality.
Now let's really get the heart pumping. Stand upright and stretch as high as you can. Now take your monitor in both hands and lift it directly up above your head. Do a few sets of this 'monitor press' until you really can't lift it up again. And then lift it once more. It's the only way to beat the pain barrier. This is very good for...aspects...of fitness.
Finally: the Squat. Turn your monitor off to prevent accidentally damaging it but make sure it is sitting on a desk at about waist height- you can leave the computer on; might as well, eh? Now stand in front of it bend your legs slightly and slip your fingers under the casing- breathe in. Now breathe out as you straighten your legs raising the puter off table. At the maximum height of lift (try going on your toes) suddenly release the casing and stretch your fingers up like a beautiful star, breathing out. Or in . Or whatever stage you were at. It doesn't matter. Repeat the lift over and over again.
Try these exercises for a month and let me know how they work for you. I'll need the follwing feedback:
[1] Did you do the exercises properly? [2] Where do you live? [3] When are you home? [4] Where do you leave your spare key?
Last month's tutorial: How to Get a Job