Porl's Useful Tutorial #7..Bitterness Is All That's Left

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And yes I used the same pictures as tutorial 4. I'm not proud of it

Sometimes- let's face it, even in the cutting and thrusting world of Post Production, you're left with...how do I say this...fuck all to do. Boredom creeps in, the empty email in-tray sticks it's fingers up at you, and the processors that are usually being ridden to hell and back, yawn and settle down for the winter's hibernation. (eh?) The World Wide Web is about as interesting to visit as Margate on a wet sunday. Or, in fact, any day. Whatever the weather. All those private projects you had planned to finish/start/design are as appealing as Herpes. Your list of analogies in the old school notebook that once seemed an interesting diversion just seem like a broken record. A broken record. A broken record.

Luckily for me and therefore you, I have this little oasis to turn to. My own little cathartic scalpel. It's my way of "giving something back" to the community. Not in a violent, socially malignant way....but a gentle, loving, nurturing way. So, here's my list of people I hate at the moment:

Liam gallagher. I know I'm going to upset my colleague Dadi Einerson with this but I can't help that. Talentless posing git (Liam Gallager not Dadi (Well...)) Pop groups today. I mean *come on*. In *MY* day you could hear the words and they weren't afraid to muck in during the war. Like that nice Cliff Richard. Sir Cliff now. Sir Cliff the Desert Rat.

Damon Bloody Albarn. See above. Especially the bit about upsetting Dadi.

Bjork. Icelandic. Now I happen to share a room with a couple of Icelandics, the "Britpop King" Dadi and Aron (Who is ok. Talks too much). They don't look like Eskimos but then they don't sing over-dramatically either. Well, Aron doesn't. But Bjork? She's got some issues to deal with...oh yes.

whatever Oprah Winfrey, Ricki Lake, et al. I despise these people for showing me a side of our race that I would rather not acknowledge. "And here's Madelaine Prolapse, whose husband grew from her own severed finger- and then had an affair with...himself!" Groan. I've already seen the lowest common denominator. I work in the same room as Icelandics. "Dried Fishy Treat anyone?".

Andie McDowell. Horse woman.

Tom Waits. Don't even go there.

Jo Brand. Who doesn't?

Tom Waits. I said don't.

Ian Royce. Git.

Jefferey Archer.

Cally out of "Blake's 7"

Pob

Queen

The Queen

Aqua

Roger Moor...

Carrie Fi...

Bob Dav...

jim Da...

Kev...

St...

...Ok, I admit it. The list is endless. Anyone who wants the full list feel free to email me. Just make sure you have at least a T1 and 2 GB of disk space. Oh, and if you want to join my list just say hello. No, I mean it. That's all it takes these days.

And if you want to be like me and hate all and sundry get into the mood by renting some of these classics from Blockbuster (Overpriced corporate bastards that they are) If they haven't been made yet then they should be:

It's a Wonderful Life (Come here and say that to my face)

12 Angry Men Locked in a Cage with Baseball Bats

The Greatest Story Ever Told With a Wired Jaw

The Black Necromancer of Oz (popular sequel)

Seven Blades for Seven Brothers (famous musical)

Hate Story

3 Heads in a Fountain

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Reload

Silence of the Lambs, the Farmer, his Wife, the Cook and his Lover. And Any Pets

Next month: Something more constructive

Last month's tutorial: How to make a cube Part 2>

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