ARTICLE #1
The Advice /
Chris Says-What-He-Wants-to Column
Just as a preface to my column, I would like to say a bit about myself. My name is Chris Austin, and I have never actually written anything for the STAR before. There have been a few times that I thought about sending in letters to the editor, but I just never got them in. Therefore, I decided I would try and go one step better – why not have my own column to spread craziness across the campus?
With that being said, I would like to introduce my advice column. Now since I am a known pessimist, and thus skeptical that anyone will ask my advice, I would like to supplement this column with my own thoughts on life. So in essence, you the reader get two columns for the price of one.
However, as you are reading this you might be thinking, “Wow, this is the greatest column ever! How can I start asking questions?” All in good time, don’t jump down my throat, friends. Simply write (or type if you prefer) your questions, place them in a handy intra-campus envelope and put CPO 17 on it. That would be my mailbox, and this will keep questions anonymous, since that’s what they do in other newspapers and I am just a big copycat. It would be ever so cool if you added a nifty pseudonym that I could identify your question by when I respond to it. Most importantly, feel free to ask questions on a variety of different subjects, as my expertise spans many, if not all, fields of human experience.
Accordingly, today’s shortened topic will be on email. I have decided after much thought I don’t like it. I don’t enjoy opening my inbox after a long day of arduous classes, and seeing a long list of bold printed titles glaring at me, waiting to be looked at. It is unsettling, but more importantly, time consuming. Just the other day I deleted some 600 emails from my inbox. It felt good. Now, I make every effort to delete things as soon as they get to me, because it feels so good to get that bold font off your screen.
Try it. I know you will feel a new sense of freedom when email is under control in your life. Another free tip - be smart, do not subscribe to automatic emails like Travelocity.com. Sure, it seems innocent at first, a friendly email here and there alerting you to the cheapest way across the planet, but then, it’s email after email after email and on and on and on.
Subscriptions are death traps.
That’s enough for today – if I speak too much more the higher-ups at the “Helpdesk” might wipe my email account and then I would really be in trouble because despite what I say, it can be a useful tool – in moderation.
Therefore remember the key words of the day: deathtraps, moderation, and CPO 17. These words will take you far, not only in email, but in life itself.
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CREATED BY CHRIS AUSTIN WITH WORD AND PAINT. ALL RIGHTS
RESERVED. ©