I confess: I'm what some people might term a 'computer nerd'. Most of my spare time is spent either 'surfing' around on the 'web' or 'masturbating' to pictures of Dr. Laura Schlessinger - - not necessarily even the nude ones. And all this time spent frolicking among cybernetic dandelions and fiberoptic toadstools has taught me one thing: I am the Best Mark Burgers in 'Cyberspace'! It's true. Thanks to google.com, one-and-a-half liters of Diet Rite, and good old fashioned hard work, I performed a comprehensive stalk of all the best Mark Burgerses the 'information superhighway' has to offer. And guess what:
Below is my comprehensive list of Mark Burgerses, complete with 'links', 'Official Mark-Index' ratings (from 0 [poor] - 8 [me]), and short descriptions of each deficient Mark. It should, further, be noted that I do not and will not concern myself with the name Mark Burger; as far as I can tell, those filthy savages don't deserve anyone's attention, much less mine. Leave them to their aenemic singularity.
I can't read Dutch - - if that's what this gibberish is supposed to be - - but I can make out certain words: evidently, he is 'analytic', 'pragmatic', 'efficient'. I got an even better word for you, Dutch Mark: Prick.
The pasty one with the inexplicable mouth is my namesake. I didn't know God made basketball players so... white. According to other links, this Mark presently golfs for Creighton University. Unfortunately for him, there can only be one Golf Mark - - me.
I have a strong suspicion that this Mark is just another, pastier inetherealization of Basketball Mark. They both hail from South Dakota, after all; and they both concern themselves with basketball. Hence: 'college hoops with Dickie "V" announcing.....that would be great.' Yes, thank you, B-ball Mark: your shameless praise of America's Greatest Satan has vaulted you straight to the bottom of my list.
I don't know who 'Brian Diemer' is, but his Mark Burgers finished a full 3 minutes behind the second-to-last runner in the 19-24 age bracket. This Mark is a shame to Burgerses everywhere.
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If you are or have found a Mark Burgers that I don't have posted, please email me here.
Copyright � 2000 by Hambinger Productions, ltd. Thanks to Joel for recognizing my merit.
