Original Airdate: 27-SEP-1996
Written by Susan Estelle Jansen. Directed by Jeff McCracken
Courtesy of Dennis�s Boy Meets World Transcript Source. Transcribed by Dennis
Opening Credits
[SCENE � Cory & Eric�s room. Both of them are sleeping, but Eric is talking in his sleep]
Eric: (While sleeping) El batidor jugante para los Seattle Marines� numero veinte y cuatro, Ken Griffey Junior! (Alarm goes off, Eric wakes up and shuts it off)
Cory: (Waking up) Eric, you were doing it again. (Turns on the lamp, sits up)
Eric: The Jenny McCarthy dream or the Spanish baseball announcing.
Cory: (With Hispanic accent) B�isbol.
Eric: Good, Jenny�s starting to get needy. (He and Cory stand and shuffle towards the bathroom) Tell you something, Cory, you hit a certain age, you are afraid to go to sleep at night.
[Cut to the bathroom, continuing the scene. With a camera angle pointing out from the mirror, Cory begins brushing his teeth without staring directly at the mirror]
Cory: I�ll tell you something else, Eric. You hit a certain age, you�re afraid to wake up in the morning.
Eric: (Notices Cory�s avoiding the mirror) You�re avoiding the mirror again.
Cory: No, I�m not. (Gargles and spits)
Eric: Listen, Cory. Sooner or later, you�re gonna have to look at yourself. (Puts hands on Cory�s shoulders) Come on.
Cory: (Reluctantly looks into the mirror) Aw, man, it�s me.
Eric: C�mon, Cory Every teenager goes through this gawky, awkward, hate-what-they-look-like phase.
Cory: Well what about you?
Eric: (Laughs) Yeah, you think that, baby. (Seriously) Listen to me, why don�t we stick with the problem that is your head, alright my friend? Now, for the next few years you�re gonna be growing into your look. Everybody understands that. Nobody�s gonna give you a hard time about it, okay?
Morgan: (From nowhere, holds a Mr. Potato Head in front of Cory and waves it around) (Mockingly) �Hi, I�m Cory, and for the next three years, I�m gonna look like a potato!�
Eric: Morgan, You wanna get out of here? (Shoves the toy aside)
Cory: No, the child speaks the truth. (Morgan waves the toy a bit more) I, Cory Matthews, am a po-ta-to.
[SCENE � John Adams High hallway. Three students, Shawn among them, adjust how they look in a mirror in their lockers. Cory, next to Shawn, does a similar thing, except he uses a picture of Mr. Potato Head instead of a mirror. He takes a pipe and sticks it in his mouth, then poses with his arms up like a Mr. Potato Head doll. Feeny approaches]
Feeny: I�ll just take that, Mr. Matthews. (Takes pipe, walks away)
Cory: (Watching Feeny walk away) Now I got no pipe. (Turns to Shawn, shuts his own locker) Yes, fine, you�re perfect. Now can we get out of the hallway where everyone can see me?
Shawn: (Still infatuated with himself in the mirror, fixing his hair) Hold on, just need to get a little more hair in my eyes.
Cory: You know I hate that! (Messes up Shawn�s hair)
Shawn: (Looks in the mirror, smiles) Also good! (Shuts his locker)
Cory: (Frantically rubs his head, trying to adjust his own hair) Also good! Also good! MOVE!
Shawn: (Stopping Cory) Whoa, whoa! Cory, Cory! C�mon, c�mon, you�re gonna cut your fingers!
Cory: You�re right, I�m overreacting. It�s just that, between you and Eric, I feel like I�m surrounded by people with perfect hair.
(Enter Topanga)
Topanga: Hi, Cory. (Takes his hand)
Cory: (To Shawn) No need to explain this relationship, is there?
Topanga: What�re you guys talking about?
Cory: Nothing, I�m just a little insecure today, but I�m sure it�ll pass.
(Enter the very cool Dylan)
Dylan: Hey, Topanga.
Topanga: Hi, Dylan.
Dylan: So, you wanna go out this weekend?
Topanga: Of course not! I�m going out with Cory.
Dylan: Oh, you�re still with him? I figured you�d�ve dumped him over the summer?
Topanga: Would you please leave?
Dylan: Yeah, but if you do decide to dump him, here�s my card. (Hands Topanga a business card, walks away)
Cory: (Reading card from Topanga�s hand) �Locker number 168.� Hm� (To Shawn) That�s a nice locker. (Shawn nods in agreement)
Topanga: Look, Cory, it�s just some guy asking me out, it�s no big deal.
Cory: Well, it�s no big deal to you because you�re the askee. Why are you the askee? You�re always the askee because you�re gorgeous.
Topanga: Thank you very much, but give me some credit. I know guys go out with girls because of how they look, but you go out with me because of who I am inside. (Cory and Shawn laugh suggestively to one another) The only reason you think I�m good looking is because you care about me. (Only Shawn laughs like before, Cory is silent)
Cory: (To Shawn) That was one too many.
Topanga: No matter what I look like, you�d still think I was pretty.
Cory: Yeah, but Topanga, I mean, this is easy for you to say. You don�t have a nose that takes up half your face and hair like a Brillo pad.
Topanga: (Looking slightly unsettled, takes Cory�s hand) Come here.
Cory: (Stepping aside with Topanga) What, you saw suds?
Topanga: First of all, I love your face and I love your hair. But most of all, I love you because of who you are. (They quickly kiss) And I hope you love me because of who I am and not because of my face and hair. (Cory�s eyes narrow) (Snapping him out of it) Cory!
Cory: Topanga, if I looking in the mirror every morning and saw what you see, I�d feel real good about myself, too.
Topanga: Oh, so you think that�s it? You think what gives me all my confidence is my face and hair?
Cory: And the fact that they�re perfect? Yeah, I think that puts a little spring in your step.
Topanga: Oh yeah? Well here�s what I think? (Draws some scissors from her back and holds them closely to Cory�s face)
Cory: (Feeling threatened) Words, Topanga. Use your words. (Puts his hands up)
Topanga: (Cuts off a large portion of the hair than hangs to her left, then hands it to Cory) Well, am I an different now? (Swings some hair around her shoulder and hacks off some more as Cory and Shawn in the background gaze at her, mouths agape)
Cory: (Staggered) Well, somewhat less predictable but no, no, you�re right. I love you no matter what you look like.
Topanga: Good. Glad you learned something. (Begins walking away, then freezes when she sees herself in the mirror of Shawn�s open locker. Looking horrified, she grabs her now uneven hair and holds it up to the mirror)
Shawn: (To Cory) She�s gonna scream now.
Topanga: (Screaming) AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
[SCENE � John Adams High hallway, continued from earlier]
Topanga: (To herself, looking into the mirror) (Panicked) It�s okay, it�s okay, it�s just a little hair! It has nothing to do with who I am. I am still Topanga Lawrence. And nobody who cares about me will even notice, right?
(Feeny reenters from the classroom)
Feeny: (Greeting) Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hunter. (Sees Topanga, freezes in front of her) Ooh! What the heck happened to you?
Topanga: (Nearly crying) Mr. Feeny, I�ve cut my hair in an attempt to show Cory that physical appearance is second to inner beauty. (Cory holds up Topanga�s now separated hair as proof)
Feeny: (A bit taken aback) Ahh� In that case, Miss Lawrence, I applaud your attempt at teach a very valuable lesson during these extremely vulnerable teenage years. (Cracks a smile)
Topanga: (Upset) YOU THINK I�M UGLY!! (Runs off)
Shawn: Nice going, Feeny! (Feeny�s expression is of shock)
[SCENE � Girl�s bathroom. Two girls fix their look in the mirror next to Topanga, who is trying to make her new hairdo less noticeable by tilting her head. Cory enters holding his arm to cover his eyes]
Cory: Man coming in! Man coming in! I�m not looking, I�m just here on business. Now I�m taking my arm down. (Does do) You probably want to scatter. (Steps in) Go ahead, scream! Scatter! Make a big scene! (The three girls give Cory an incredulous look) (As though defending himself) See, �cause I�m a boy. (The three girls turn back to the mirrors, disinterested) (Nervously shakes the lock of Topanga�s hair he�s still holding) (Noticed a couch) Hey, how come you guys get a couch?
Topanga: (Miserably, looking into the mirror) Sometimes we need to lie down.
Cory: See, that�s where guys are different. (Snaps fingers) We�re in, (snaps them again) we�re out, we don�t like to linger.
(The other two girls exit)
Topanga: (Turns to Cory) Cory, I�m having some problems right now and I�d really like to be alone.
Cory: Well, I�ll be alone with you. (Sits, patting the cushion next to him to beckon her) (Glumly, Topanga shuffles over to and sits next to Cory) Look, you don�t have any problems. I mean, look at yourself in the mirror. You�re still beautiful.
Topanga: I can�t look in the mirror.
Cory: Topanga, you were right. It doesn�t matter to me what you look like. It only matters to me who you are.
Topanga: See, that�s my problem, Cory. I thought I was someone who thought that appearance didn�t matter, but that was only because I was comfortable with my appearance all this time. But now I�m not. How shallow can I be?
Cory: You are not shallow. You�re deep! You�re the deepest, most thoughtful, profound person I�ve ever known.
Topanga: How�s my hair look?
Cory: Well, that�s not one of your strong points anymore. (Holds the lock in his hand to her still-attached hair) You got to let that go. (Topanga takes the lock and holds it to her hair, looking pitiful) Look, how long did it take you to grow your hair that long?
Topanga: Six or seven years!
Cory: That�s perfect! (Stands) Because in six or seven years you�ll grow your hair back, I�ll be out of my goosey-goosey stage. (Shakes behind, Topanga smiles) Don�t you see? It makes us even closer as a couple because now we are in perfect sync.
Topanga: You see, Cory? (Stands) That�s why I love you. (Kisses him) Thanks. Today after school, I�ll go down to the beauty parlor and get this all evened out.
Cory: (Smiling) Great idea.
(Topanga exits, then Shawn enters from the stall, apparently having been there the whole time)
Shawn: So, how�d it go?
Cory: Topanga�s going to the beauty parlor after school. Everything�s fine.
Shawn. (Nods) Huh. So what do you want to do now?
Cory: (Shrugs) I don�t know. Want to sit on the couch?
Shawn: Yeah. (He and Cory contentedly sit on the couch, Shawn crosses his legs)
[SCENE � Matthews living room. Eric is sitting on the couch in an old green bathrobe watching daytime TV. He has a giant bowl of Cocoa Puffs on his lap, and he holds a jug of milk in one hand and a bottle of chocolate syrup in the other. Straight from the jug, he pours some milk in the mouth, then some chocolate syrup, then he shakes his head rapidly and swallows. (Get it? Chocolate milk!)]
TV: This has been a Quinn Martin production.
Eric: (To TV) Ha-ha, you solves that crime, you fat, fat man. (Takes a bit of Cocoa Puffs)
(Enter Amy, with a bag of groceries, with Morgan, wearing headphones and a teddy bear backpack)
Amy: Eric! It�s four �o�clock! (Shuts the door, walks in) You were sitting there when I left this morning! You were supposed to look for a job. (Puts the groceries down)
Eric: I think I found one, mom. Check it out. All day long I�ve been watching crimes on TV solved by old guys, by fat guys, by guys in wrinkled raincoats. So naturally, it occurs to me. What this world needs is �Eric Matthews: Good-Looking Detective�.
Morgan: I�m gonna do so much homework. (Runs upstairs)
Eric: Check it out, I already thought of a theme song. (Singing) Oh, when a crime breaks out, all the cute girls shout, get the good-looking guy! When there�s a crime out there, he�s gonna comb his hair, �cause he�s the good-looking guy. (Stops singing, looks to Amy with a cheesy grin) Book �em, good-lookin�!
Amy: Honey, I�m scared for you. You have got to get out of this house. (Sits next to Eric)
Eric: (Drops spoon poignantly) Wha� to do what? I mean, mom, lets say I do find one of these so-called �jobs� (does quotation fingers). I mean, with nothing better than a high-school diploma, the best I can ask for in minimum wage. And what they take out for taxes? I honestly think I could do better solving crimes. (Mixes cereal) (Suddenly singing) When a crime breaks out�
Amy: (Stops him by jumping forward and clasping a hand over his mouth) Stop it! Sweetheart! You cannot just mope around the house! Why don�t you go out on a date? You used to date all the time.
Eric: Well, I know, but I mean all the girls I used to date have gone off to college.
Amy: Oh, I�m sure there�s plenty of nice girls right here in town.
Eric: Townies?! You want me to date a Townie? (Sarcastically) Oh, that is great, mom. I can see �em right now, sitting on their couch in their ratty bathrobe, watching daytime TV, eating bonbons. (Takes a big spoonful of Cocoa Puffs, then looks at Amy) (Pathetically) These are Cocoa Puffs� (Looks away) �and I�m a detective�
[SCENE � The Three Cellini Brothers� Salon. Shawn and Cory await Topanga�s new haircut]
Shawn: I don�t know, man. She�s been in there an awful long time.
Cory: (Looks up from his magazine) What�re you getting so crazy about? She�s just getting a haircut.
Shawn: No, Cory, we�ve known Topanga all her life, okay? She doesn�t wear makeup. She�s never been to a beauty parlor. She�s completely natural.
Cory: So what�s the big deal? (Stands, discarding magazine)
Shawn: The big deal is, she was beautiful before without anybody�s help. Now she�s got professional help. She�s gonna be mega-beautiful. We�re not even gonna be able to look at her directly without burning our retinas.
Cory: Shawn, come on, this is not Beverly Hills. I mean, it�s a neighborhood beauty salon next to Old Lady Schneider�s donut shop. I mean, they don�t exactly do �miracles� (Quotation fingers) here.
(A beautiful young blonde is turned around so Cory and Shawn can see her)
Shawn: (With Cory, watching the lady) Old Lady Schneider!
Cory: (Awed) It�s a miracle! (Old Lady Schneider strides past Cory and Shawn and exits) (Worrying) Oh, no. Shawn, Topanga is gonna come out looking ten times better than she did when she went in.
Shawn: (In a coaching manner, puts his hand on Cory�s shoulder) Okay, the first thing she�s gonna do is dump you. Then start hanging out with other unbelievably good-looking people.
Cory: How do you know that?
Shawn: (Bashfully) It�s what we do.
Cory: (Paces around Shawn) Uh-huh, uh-huh. Well, I think that�s interesting, but� oh, so wrong.
Shawn: And why is that?
Cory: Because if anybody knows hair, it�s me. (Points to his hair) When I get a haircut, it looks terrible for, like, the first six weeks. Then, all of a sudden, it looks terrific for, like, a day. Then it�s time for another haircut. It�s what I like to call the haircut cycle of shame.
Shawn: Okay, and that�s what you think�s gonna happen to Topanga?
Cory: (Happily) Yes, I do. (Paces around Shawn) Because the universe knows that Topanga and I are supposed to be together. So the universe has seen fit to put Topanga in that chair and make her hideous so we can get through out teenage years awkward hand (holds up hand) in awkward hand. (Holds up other hand)
Shawn: (Pause) You know she�s coming out great-looking.
Cory: (Sadly) Yes!! (Hugs Shawn for support) (Enter Topanga, looking absolutely gorgeous. Shawn stares at her as she approaches, and Shawn�s staring makes Cory realize Topanga�s there. He turns and looks at Topanga speechlessly, then says to no one in particular) This universe blows!
[SCENE - The Three Cellini Brothers� Salon, continued from earlier]
Topanga: (As Cory and Shawn stare lack-jawed at her) Well, isn�t somebody gonna say something?
Shawn: (To himself, trying to convince) She�s my best friend�s girl� She�s my best friend�s girl� (Giving in) (To Topanga) Oh, the heck with that, marry me! I live in a trailer park and I have no education, but my hair does this� (Waves his hands through his hair)
Cory: Shawn!
Shawn: (Not caring, still gawking at Topanga) Shut up, man, I�m going for it! (Cory sprays Shawn with a nearby spray bottle) Thanks, thanks. I�m back.
Cory: Good. Alright, Topanga. (Puts down the bottle) (Through the next line, Shawn mimes the �call me� gesture to Topanga behind Cory�s back) I want� (Looks suspiciously at Shawn, who stops)the name of the guy who did this to you.
Topanga: You don�t like it?
Cory: No, no, it�s not that I don�t like it, it�s just that I�m in love with this girl who was never interested in what she looked like before. (Shawn begins staring at Topanga�s feet) And now I see makeup on your face and polish on you nails and toes and� (To Shawn) Stop looking at her toes.
Shawn: (Entranced) But they sparkle!
Cory: (To Topanga) I want the name of the guy who did this to you!
Topanga: My stylist�s name is Mr. Cellini. Cory, it�s just a haircut, it�s just some makeup. It�s not gonna change me. (Checks watch) Gotta go. (Begins walking away)
Cory: Well, where are you going?
Topanga: This outfit with this hair? Hello? Buh-bye, I am so at the mall. (Exits)
Cory: Y�know, Shawn, this just isn�t like Topanga. Obviously, she�s under the influence of this so-called Mr. Cellini.
Shawn: Yeah, I say we go back there.
Cory: (Brief pause) You are my friend, aren�t you?
Shawn: (Smiles charmingly) Of course I am.
Cory: And that little thing with Topanga?
Shawn: Well, y�know, I think the three of us could be very happy together. (Cory points to Shawn as though saying, �yooouuu!!� And then the two walk towards the chairs) (Calling out to room) Alright! Which one of you guys worked on Topanga Lawrence?
Cellini: (Steps forward, speaks with Italian accent) Ah, that would be me: Bosco Cellini.
Cory: Alright, Bosco. I wanna know where you come off taking a natural beauty like Topanga and painting her face and nails as messing with her beautiful hair.
Cellini: (Italian accent) (Incredulously) Messing? (To Shawn) Hey, hey, friend to the little whining boy. (Gestures to Cory) Did he say �messing�?
Shawn: Yeah, that�s what I heard.
Cellini: (Italian accent) Well, for your informaccione, it is very rare that on a Tuesday, our slow day, the Venus de Milo herself would sit in my chair and say to me, �Make with me what you wish.� I am a European man, secure enough in my own masculinity, to admit to you, I wept. I cried like a little baby cries!
Shawn: Alright, alright, Bosco. First of all, we�re in the middle of Philadelphia, so let�s just drop this phony accent.
Cellini: Scusi?
Shawn: Talk in English!
Cellini: (Pause, in New York accent) Alright, alright, here�s how it went down. Chickie comes in, plops down a half a c-note, right? I do a little snippety-snip, bada-boom, bada-bing, (To Cory) your girlfriend�s a looker.
Cory: You�re right. (To Shawn) I mean, she is beautiful. (Shawn shrugs in agreement)
Shawn: Okay. Let�s go, buddy. There�s nothing left for you, here. (Puts his arm around Cory)
Cory: (To Cellini) You did a very nice job.
Cellini: (NY Accent) Eh, don�t mention it.
(Cory and Shawn exit)
[SCENE � Chubbie�s. Eric is on a date with a girl, Tammy. They sit across a table from one another, talking]
Eric: So, I�m kinda at the crossroads of my life because I didn�t get into college like the rest of my friends. (Eats a fry)
Tammy: Oh, you didn�t?
Eric: No. Looks like I�m kinda stuck here in town for a while.
Tammy: It�s not so bad. Really. You get used to being here. (Eats a fry)
Eric: Yeah, I mean, I�m okay with it. Um� I actually thought there was a career for me out there as a weatherman. I even interned at Channel 5.
Tammy: Wow.
Eric: Yeah, but, I don�t know, I guess they thought I was too young and didn�t have enough life experience, which frankly, I think is crazy. I mean, I�m eighteen. I�ve lived, y�know?
Tammy: Oh, I hear ya. I�m eighteen and I feel like I have some life experience.
Eric: Yeah?
Tammy: Yeah. (Smiles) I mean, I have a two-year-old to take care of. He�s a big handful. And, um, in between putting him in daycare and working double shifts at the Dairy Queen, I actually wouldn�t mind a little less life experience.
Eric: Can�t your parents help you?
Tammy: (A bit surprised) You�ve got your mom and dad helping you?
Eric: (Uncomfortably) Well� you know, just� financially.
Tammy: (Pause, smiles) That�s nice. You�re very lucky, Eric.
Eric: Yeah, thanks. I guess I�m luckier than I thought.
[SCENE � Turner�s classroom. The bell rings and Turner enters to a swarm of kids around a desk]
Turner: Alright, everybody, take your seats! Come on, take your seats! (Notices the crowd, which suddenly dissipates, around the desk, which is Topanga�s) What is so interesting that you all have to crowd around� (Sees Topanga�s new look) Oh, boy. Look at you!
Topanga: (Smiles) I got a haircut? Do you like it?
Cory: (Leans in from behind Topanga, interjecting) Hey, hey! Focus, Mr. Turner! Some are here to learn. (Topanga looks perplexed)
Turner: (To class) Okay, today we�re gonna be talking about John Merrick immortalized in the play �The Elephant Man�. (Goes behind desk) Now, even though he was tragically disfigured, (picks up a stack of books) he still won the hearts of London society with his wonderful inner spirit.
Cory: (Turns to Shawn, speaking quietly) Yeah, you know what? I come from a great-looking family and I�m just going through my awkward teenage phase, but that doesn�t mean I can�t win the hearts of high-school society with my wonderful inner spirit.
Turner: (Sitting on his desk, paging through the book) Now see, what was really interested about John Merrick is that he came from a wonderful looking family, yet was so hideous himself, he was forced to wear a burlap sack over his head and perform as a sideshow freak until the day that his oversized head rolled back and he died.
Cory: (To Turner) And when did he grow out of this� death?
(Enter Feeny, carrying flyers)
Feeny: Attention, please! Excuse the interruption, Mr. Turner. (Hand Turner a flyer) (To class) A reminder that this Friday is picture day. So please, dress nicely and try to look your best. (Exits)
(Cory then imagines the yearbook photos to the graduation march. The first picture is of Topanga, looking quite stunning while showing off her hair. The caption reads, �Queen of the Hotties.� The next picture is of Shawn, with the caption reading, �Wait, wait, there�s enough for everybody.� The final picture is labeled �Cory Matthews� but Cory has a burlap sack over his head and the caption reads, �I�m a human being�. As Cory�s picture is shown, the music becomes suddenly depressing. Cory�s daydream ends and he slowly leans his head back onto Shawn�s desk)
Cory: Shawn?
Shawn: Yeah?
Cory: I just wanna die. Please don�t life my oversized head.
[SCENE � The Three Cellini Brothers� Salon. Obviously, Mr. Cellini is there. Cory enters]
Cory: Oh, Mr. Cellini! You�ve gotta help me!
Cellini: (Back to Cory) (Italian accent) Si, Cellini is here to help! (Turns, seeing that it�s Cory) (In NY accent, somewhat let down) Oh, it� you, the little whiny kid.
Cory: No, I don�t want you to be that guy. I want you to be Cellini: the Artist. I want you to help me like you helped Topanga:
Cellini (NY accent) Forget it! I don�t take walk-ins! You don�t walk in here in the middle of the afternoon and expect me to take a walk-in!
Cory: Well, I�m walking in with seventy-five bucks! (Holds up money)
Cellini: (Takes money) (To room, in Italian accent) Attencion! Cappuccino for the whiny kid! (Takes his arm) Ah, sit down. (Leads Cory to a chair)
[SCENE � Matthews� living room. Much like before, Eric is sitting alone in his old bathrobe staring despondently into his bowl of Cocoa Puffs. The TV isn�t on, and the milk and chocolate syrup are on the coffee table]
Eric: (Singing to himself, sorrowfully) When a crime breaks out, all the cute girls shout, get the good-looking guy� (Alan enters and paces behind the couch, watching Eric) When there�s a crime out there, he�s gonna comb his hair, �cause he�s the good-looking guy�
Alan: What the heck are you doing?
Eric: (Pitifully) This is who I am now, Daddy. I�m a townie. And I�m worse than a townie because I rely on my parents for economic support, I didn�t even buy this cereal! You bought this cereal, you bought my clothes, you bought this cereal. You bought the milk, which was white when it started but is chocolate now �cause it�s Cocoa Puffs and I�ve been sitting here for nine hours. (Frowns)
Alan: Eric?
Eric: Yeah?
Alan: (Pulls Eric up by the collar) Get off your butt� (Slaps the paper in Eric�s chest) Get a job! Huh, right now! (Shoves him out the door)
Eric: (Standing outside the door) Thank you, Daddy. (Alan slams the door on him)
[SCENE � John Adam�s High girls� bathroom. Topanga enters and begins fussing with her hair in the mirror, trying to perfect it. One of the stall doors swings open, revealing Shawn leaning against the wall in the ultimate cool-guy pose]
Shawn: So here�s how I see it�
Topanga: (Still staring in the mirror) You know, you guys really can�t make it a habit to be in here.
Shawn: (Steps out of stall, shuts door) I grew up with these two people, and, uh� I guess they�re my two best friends in the world. (Leans against the wall next to Topanga�s mirror)
Topanga: Anybody I know?
Shawn: As I understand it, one of them, who in my opinion is a good-looking guy, is going through a shaky time right now.
Topanga: (Suddenly concerned) Where is Cory?
Shawn: That�s not as important as where you are, Topanga. In all the time that I�ve known you, I can�t remember you ever looking in the mirror. You had this confidence in yourself and you really liked that about you.
Topanga: Come on, Shawn, everybody in high school has a mirror in their locker and checks each other out and only cares about how they look.
Shawn: But up until a couple days ago, you never did. Your world got completely rocked when you hacked your hair off and saw that for two seconds you could actually look a little less than perfect.
Topanga: (Carefully studies her reflection) This isn�t me, is it, Shawn?
Shawn: Well, not the Topanga I know. (Steps behind her, also gazing at her reflection) But obviously we�re all at that age where we�re going through changes. (After a brief moment of thinking, Topanga turns on the water and wets her hair, ruining her new do. She then stands up, and splashes Shawn with her wet hair) Oh, that�s great. Thanks.
[SCENE � The Three Cellini Brothers� Salon. Topanga, wet and panicked, runs in and over to Mr. Cellini at one of his chairs]
Topanga: Stop! Stop! Please don�t touch him!
Cellini: (Italian accent) Too late! I am finito! I am proud to say, this is my best work ever. Everything I have done until now was dreck. This is my masterpiece. (Spins the chair around, revealing Cory, who looks exactly the same, except for the huge smile on his face)
Topanga: (Relieved) Oh, he�s beautiful.
Cellini: Of course! I have had to call upon all of my skills and powers. (Grabs Cory�s chin proudly)
Cory: (To Topanga) I really look okay?
Topanga: (Holds out her hands) I think I�m falling in love all over again. (Cory stands and takes Topanga�s hands, leaning close to her lovingly)
Cellini: (Noticing Topanga�s hair) And you, you wet rodent! (Leans between Cory & Topanga, looking at Topanga) What have you done to my work? Once again, as a European, I weep without embarrassment! (Bites his fist, storms off)
Cory: (To no one in particular) What are you talking about? (To Topanga) She looks beautiful. Just like she always was.
Topanga: You too, Cory. Just like you always were. (They kiss)
[TAG � (Get ready for the funniest thing ever�) Matthews� Living room. Eric, in a tux, enters excitedly]
Eric: (Calling) Mom? Dad? (They enter from upstairs) I did what you said, I got a job. (Grabs remotes, flips it from one hand to the other)
Amy: Eric, we�re proud of you!
Alan: Hey, what kind of job did you get?
Eric: Check it out. (Turns on the TV)
[Cut to the TV screen. There is a shot of Eric in a tux holding a gun, imposed over a hand holding a stick of dynamite in the background with the words �Good-Looking Guy starring Eric Matthews. The song blares, �When a crime breaks out, all the cute girls shout�� and then the shot changes of Eric, still in tux with gun, chasing a red sports car at full speed. (It is obviously green-screen imposed, as is the rest of this musical interlude) The song continues, ��Get the good-looking guy! Good-looking guy!� Still in that shot, Eric turns around and shoots at the car, which is now moving, all while still miraculously moving with the care. He then looks at the camera and smiles. Song goes on, �When there�s a crime out there, he�s gonna comb his hair, �cause he�s the good looking guy!� The shot changes to Eric, still in tux with gun, supposedly swimming from a shark underwater, wearing only a snorkel mask as scuba gear. Also while moving, he turns and shoots at the shark, then turns back, lifts his mask, and smiles at the camera. The next shot is Eric surfing (keep in mind, obviously green-screen technology) next to a couple of guys that are doing so effortlessly. Eric puts out his arms, mimicking balancing on a surfboard, he smiles at the camera, then off screen while happily shooting at a target we can see. In this shot, the music has a surfing-dude twang. Again, the shot changes, this time to a pyramid. Eric, miming riding a camel and wearing his tux and this time a turban, shoots at a guy on a camera that just left the screen. The lyrics begin again as the scene changes once more, �When a crime breaks out, all the cute girls shout, get the good-looking guy!� In this scene, Eric walks on in tux with gun smiling, then turns to see angry natives of some sort chasing after him. He panics]
Amy: (Voiceover) Eric!
Eric: (Still in the theme song, turns and looks up curiously) Mommy?
[Cut back to the Matthews� living room. It turns out, Eric�s TV show was all a dream, for he has fallen asleep on the couch in his bathrobe. Alan and Amy are standing over him]
Alan: Eric, wake up!
Eric: (Wakes up) Daddy, I was fighting crime!
Alan: (Sternly) Eric, put down the Cocoa Puffs and GET A JOB!
Eric: (Dejectedly) Okay, okay� (Puts to Cocoa Puffs on the coffee table and stands) (Muttering to himself as he slogs towards the door) I�m still in my bathrobe. What kind of job could I possibly get in a bathrobe? (Opens the door, sees it�s dark, turns to Alan) At night! (Alan waves goodbye, Eric exits)
-End-