Shit, I finally got another song done. I'm pretty excited about it. It's the longest song I've ever written... four minutes and fifty-six seconds. How about that for cool? HUH!?!
Um... the title of the song is The Last Concept Album, in case you were wondering.
12-20-04
Um, all of the songwriting for Satan's Death Child has been postponed until Christmas vacation. I don't know why this is important... but um, yeah, it is. So uh, fuck it.
12-18-04
An Irish Airman Foresees His Death
I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.
-W.B. Yeats
12-16-04
I haven't done a damn thing since Sunday, because this week has blown ass.
12-12-04
Satan's Death Child: Day Four
I did some more work on Satan's Death Children. I finally came up with a verse thing, but I threw out the chorus. I plan to use the discarded chorus in an Alfred Kinsey song... so I guess it's not really fair to say I threw it out.
12-7-04
Satan's Death Child: Day Three
I have FINALLY started to make some progress on my so called "DEMO ALBUM". I actually have some lyrics and a chorus to the first song, which will be called "Satan's Death Children" until I come up with a better name.
So far, these are the songs that are started that will probably end up on the DEMO ALBUM... if it does in fact "pan out".
Satan's Death Children
Untitled Guitar Song One (no capo)
Wardrobe of Shitty Clothes (Version Two)
Untitled Guitar Song Two (capo 5th fret)
Untitled Guitar Song Three (capo 7th fret)
God the Devil and the End of the World
*the only reason I mention the capo positions is so I can actually tell the untitled songs apart.
12-4-04
Satan's Death Child: Day Two
Not a whole lot accomplished today... I think I'm losing my voice, so I just worked on guitar stuff and didn't really get anything done. So far I have three songs at least started. Whether or not they will pan out and become actual songs, I don't know, but uh...
12-2-04
Satan's Death Child songwriting: Day One
I decided that I am going to make a "mini album" entitled, Satan's Death Child. I hope to get six or so songs done for this album, and then I'll burn it a shitload of times and give the damned thing away. Cause I am such a great guy... (I am being completely serious, I am a great guy... I'm not being sarcastic at all)
Anywho, tonight I started working on some vocal stuff for the first song... it sounded like shit, so I'm gunna try to rework it to make it sound... um... better. (As I am writing this I feel like everything I'm saying sounds ungodly trite and psuedo pathetic...)
Anyway, I imagine this new venture will end up dead fairly soon. So, don't get your hopes up... Because I know there are a ton of people reading this that just "got their hopes up".
12-1-04
I am continuing on a downward spiral as far as songwriting is concerned. It's like, ya know, I can't really seem to get focused on actually writing anything. I have a few things started, but like, I can't come up with any kind of vocal stuff for them...
I don't think the problem is so much in that I can't come up with anything, or that I don't have time to sit down and work on songs, it's just that I'm stuck in this rut of like, "What's the point? No one is gunna listen to this shit anyway? The world is going to be the same place tomorrow if I don't finish this song."
I don't know what any of that means really. I for some reason have this odd thing that like, if it doesn't affect anyone else, than it's not worth doing... or something along those lines. Which doesn't make any sense, I don't think... hell maybe it does.
The point is, I don't know what the hell is going on...
11-14-04
"rock, rock, roll, plymouth rock roll over"
I really don't have anything important to say... Of course, I never really have anything important to say, but um...
Same old same old on the songwriting front. Just kind of working on crap. Not making any real progress, but hey, you gotta try... know what I mean?
Oh yeah, I decided the Kyle, Garth and maybe Ben band is going to be called "Alfred Kinsey". Just Google him... Are you allowed to just use some dude's name for band name? If not, maybe I should like, change it.
11-1-04
"Cause a shadow ain't got nothin' on a light"
Well, the shit has officially hit the mother fucking fan... bitches. I also really want a Geisha dance to follow me around and boost my self esteem.
Alright, look... I'm working on two songs. The one is gunna be straight up "ROCK", while the other one is gunna be a nice mellow space out tune, if all goes according to plan. The former will hopefully end up in the un-named Garth Kyle and maybe Ben band.
Speaking of the Garth Kyle and maybe Ben band, these are the songs that are done or almost done for that band.
I Hate Men (He's Such a Feminist)
Post Apocolyptic Sex Machine
I'm also kicking around the idea of making a slightly up-tempo verion of Bored and Nothing to use for that band.
But of course, none of this will ever pan out, so, just forget I said anything.
Also, dude, I can't give you any specifics, but there might be something going on with the P-Ninjas... there MIGHT be... MIGHT be... be
10-19-04
Um, I started a new song. The working title is "God the Devil and the End of the World".
9-22-04
Alright, um, well, Kyle Hoffman (of Remora Deign fame) and I started a band of sorts. It's semi serious, but I mean, it's not terribly serious. It doesn't have a name at the moment, and I only have two songs written for it, but I'm still kind of excited. I really want to start playing shows again.
I suppose we could just call it "The Porch Ninjas", but that would be way too easy. I was thinking maybe "Gypsie Lovemaking" would be cool, but it sounds too much like a novelty act type name.
Um, about the songs. One is just "Post Apocolyptic Beast", but it has a new part tacked onto the ending, and it is renamed "Post Apocolyptic Sex Machine". The other song is COMPLETELY new... and doesn't have a name yet.
Anywho, that's it for now... more later... trust me...
9-14-04
The only thing that seems strange about being 18 is the fact that, if I really wanted to, I could buy cigarrettes. I noticed that today when I was at the Kwik Fill in Barkeyville and the little tear off calender thing said "It's illegal to buy tobacco products if you were born after this date 9-14-86"
8-21-04
People have those "livejournals" and shit like that. I think I'll give it a try.
I feel awful. I can't tell you why, I just do. I worry to damned much. I spent the vast majority of this summer sitting around worrying about various things that aren't even really a problem now. I am weak and exhausted all the time, no matter how little I do, or how much sleep I get.
School starts fucking tomorrow. How awful is that? I am really glad that I'm not in band this year, because I feel bad shitty enough already, and band has always made me feel shitty, even during long periods of feeling great.
I found it slightly ironic the other day when I was at work, and one of my co-workers (who is in marching band) called me a pussy for quitting. Most people are called pussy when they join marching band. I'm probably the only human being on the planet who has been called a pussy for quitting marching band. God damn do I feel special.
"I'll eat anything if it is deep fried."
I told myself at the end of the year that I was going to write and record AT LEAST two songs this summer. I only finished one. I started three other songs, but none of them are done/recorded. One of them is about how I think it is annoying that rocks stars (Fat Mike from NoFX, Dave Matthews, Bruce Springstein) seem to take it upon themselves to tell us what is right and wrong. I mean, I guess it is noble of them to voice their opinions and all that ridiculous shit, but just because you're in a band doesn't mean you know exactly what is going on. Although there is no sense wasting your time thinkng about these people, because if John Kerry is elected president, four years from now they'll be complaining about him.
Let's take time now for everyone who reads this to say, "Garth, you are so ignorant! How can you say all that shit? You are so fucking arrogant and stupid, you wouldn't know the real world from a hole in your ass!"
Thanks, I love it when people do that.
7-23-04
Man, I really let myself go... it's been almost a month. Anywho, um, since the last entry, I have spent most of my time worrying and feeling shitty, and not really writing any new songs. But, the past week or so, things have started to look up, kinda sorta, and I started working on some NEW material. Cool huh? Yeah. I thought so.
As for the songs themselves, one is an attempt to write an really uptempo and energetic song... It's about the interstate, because, well, because I just love the damn interstate.
The other song is more of a nonsense song... which is probably what I am best at. Haha. Anyway, rest assured, as soon as these songs are done, I'll put them on here.
6-22-04
Today is the one year aniversary of the first song I ever wrote and recorded on my own, that didn't entirely suck. I wrote one or two songs before that, but they all blew.
The first song I recorded that night was, Tom Waits Ripoff. I thought that one didn't suck, so I wrote Rice is Love. I then wrote the worst song of that night, Margo, which I later re-recorded in a failed attempt to make it not suck. That didn't work. After that FAILURE, I recorded Cubicle Song, which was written because my soon to be girlfriend, Courtney, told me I should write a song about cubicles.
The best song of that night, in my opinion, was this all vocal track called, Clown Costume. I recorded that and I was like, "whoa, that's actually kind of cool." That song was about nothing and therefore, it was cool.
Anyway, I don't know why I decided to call attention to all this crap. But if you made it this far, thanks for reading and/or downloading all of the tracks that I put on here. I really appreciate it.
6-20-04
Hey, I got a new guestbook. Sign it, PUHLEASE!
6-17-04
If I am for some reason asked to give a speech at the class of 2005 graduation ceremony, here are a few things I would like to say...
"There are those among you today, who will look back on the past four years of your life and say, 'that was a big waste of time'."
"I can remember when I was in 9th grade and I thought to myself, 'High school is cool, man'."
"I'd like to thank Rita and Ben Porter, for making everyone's high school experience just a little bit better."
At some point I want to break to grab a YooHoo, drink half of it and then say, "Well, good day for it." Then I will meander my way back onto my speech.
"Someone once said that the greatest war story ever told consists of only two lines, 'A bunch of us went to Gettysburg one day, and some of us didn't come back. If you weren't there, you'll never understand'."
"Courtney, I love you."
"I think I speak for all of us when I say, man, I wish I had a plan."
"Yeah, there comes a point in a young person's life, when they say... ah, fuck it man, I give up on this shit. I'm never gunna see any of you fucking people again, what the fuck do I care?"
"Anybody have a tampon I could borrow? I mean, use? Like, to keep? Trust me, you uh, you won't want it back."(I know I don't have the balls to actually say the last two, but just think of how fun it would be)
"I've never heard a song in G major that I didn't like."
6-16-04
Bored and Nothing
There it is, damnit. I finally finished another song. I know, I know, the title is pretty lame, I am sorry, but I don't think the song is that bad. I mean, it doesn't suck, but it's also not incredibly good. I dunno.
If I could get some really honest feedback from whoever happens to read this, that would be awesome. Be completely honest, though. If you think it's lame, tell me, but make sure you tell me what is lame about it.
I feel like, lyrically, it might be a step forward... but a stepforward from my old stuff doesn't really say much.
Anyway, please, please, PLEASE, give me some feedback on this one. Thanks...
6-14-04
Oh holy shit. The first song of the summer is nearing completion. The song itself is completed, it just needs recorded. I made a really rough, half finished demo last night, but there are too many screw ups to christen it the first recorded song of the summer.
I just realized that the song still doesn't have a name, I suppose I'll have to come up with one someday.
...anyway. I plan to have the song finished by tonight or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow night, because between now and then, I won't really be home at all, except for a few hours after work tomorrow. It's confusing keep the days straight when you start work one night, and end your shift really early the next day. So, regardless, the song will be done by Wednesday.
Oh yeah, I'm gunna start getting rid of a lot of the stuff from last summer to make room for the new stuff. So if you want any of the old stuff, e-mail me or icq me. The "contact info" is at the bottom of the page.
6-12-04
Well boys and girls, it's official, this is the first news update of the summer. "What does that mean to me?", You ask. Well, it means that I am going to work kind of sort of hard to get some new music on here for you to as quickly as I can.
My goal this summer is to write two songs that don't suck. Not just to write two songs, but to write two songs that are actually worth listening to. I started working on one the other day, and I have decided that I am going to finish it and record it, even if it blows, because it's been almost a year since I have written anything. As soon as it's done, I'll put it on here.
I bought the new Modest Mouse CD Good News for People Who Love Bad News, and I highly recommend it.
Kyle and I might actually do some work on an album that includes all of the material we have for our various bands. I wouldn't get your hopes of for that though. And, if you haven't already, go check out his new band Remora Deign. They are pretty nifty.
Well, that's all I have for now. Sorry no new downloads at the moment.
3-20-04
Well, what the hell. Why not?
Interstate of Love
3-12-04
When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
That's always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna grow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up
Seems like folks turn into things
That they'd never want
The only thing to live for
Is today...
I'm gonna put a hole in my TV set
I don't wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I don't wanna grow up
I don't wanna have to shout it out
I don't want my hair to fall out
I don't wanna be filled with doubt
I don't wanna be a good boy scout
I don't wanna have to learn to count
I don't wanna have the biggest amount
I don't wanna grow up
Well when I see my parents fight
I don't wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night
And I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
Nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old Tomb
On Grand Street
When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don't wanna float a broom
Fall in love and get married then boom
How the hell did I get here so soon
I don't wanna grow up
-Tom Waits
3-7-04
Well, for once, something is actually happening in the Kyle and Garth world of musical orgy-ness.
What's happening you ask? Well, the broadcast is happening... er something. Kyle and I are going to play "Interstate of Love" for the show. We switched instruments for the broadcast, I am on guitar and Kyle will be playing drums. Originially it was the other way around. Of course, we are both doing vocals.
I'm a little paranoid though, because last year I thought the act I was in was going to suck, and it went over very well, but this year, I think it's going to go well, so chances are it will suck. Although I am looking forward to playing the song for Mr G and Pete Greene this Wednesday, because I have a feeling G will be impressed, and Pete will look at me like "So uh, is that supposed to be humour? Or are you just as dumb as you act in class?". In short, I am stoked. Good night.
2-23-04
Chaodahey, as a project, no longer exists. It has been re-named "The Ebonic Plague", a name that was thought up years ago for a rap band that was to involve myself and the great Nick Alfeo.
1-27-04
Well, damnit, it's been awhile. There is a lot of snow outside, fucking crazy, tell ya what.
Anywho, as I'm sure all or none of you know, Kyle Hoffman has started a new band, Remora Deign. And in my tradition of trying to help spread the word about Kyle's new bands, I will probably put news about them on here and maybe even start a fansite. That's always fun.
Anywho, the members of this band include Kyle, of course, the ever illustrious Ben Milliron, and the legendary Steve Harrel(sp?) of Kid Chameleon.
"Where have all sensations gone?"
1-1-04
Happy freggin' New Year man!!!!!!@!#@$@(#&@$#!@#
I actually recorded some material with this new recorder I got for Christmas, I like it, but, I dunno if anyone besides Jess, Kelly, Nathaniel, and myself will like it.
Standing Alone Behind Eggshells
The Dude
These songs are a little different than the other stuff, so uh, yeah, check em out.
Oh yeah, I put some stuff in the up in the downloads uh, section I guess you could call it, in honor of the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY... mother fucker.
12-20-03
Girls Rock Camp
12-1-03
Happy World AIDs day. www.worldaidsday.org
11-22-03
Alright here's how it is, alright?
It is the last week of November? So what does that mean? Thanksgiving? NO! It means, "hey, next month, around say the 25th (Christmas DAY), is the anniversary of this website." Didn't know that did ya? Well, I did.
So what am I going to do to celebrate? I don't know, but I am most certainly NOT going to put any SONGS on this God forsaken website.
My favourite rhythm
played in this song
played in this song
but not until long
long enough for me to lose
lose my fading memory
it seems so far away
11-16-03
Whoa man, it's been awhile. As I type this, I'm listening to The Libertines, fun music. Check them out if you haven't already. I recommend Up the Bracket and Vertigo.
Well, right now, no new music. I've been feeling kind of shitty the past few days, so I haven't been musically productive at all. Cool huh? Wow, this update/post type thing is really directionless.
11-2-03
Download this shit man, ya'll don't know nothin' about this down south.
11-2-03
Oh man, I finally recorded something. No one else in the world is going to like it, except for myself, but I'm still gunna put it on here for people to download. Even though no one will download it, it will still be sort of a mental victory for me. I really need to get some sleep right now, so, I'll try to put that up later today.
10-19-03
The world is a barren wasteland...
Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but still, why can't we have a little bit of excitement to break the monotony, JEEZE!
Anyway, I'm toying with some ideas that might help me get back on the proverbial songwriting track. As of write now I have no new songs to work on, but I'm thinking of maybe recording stripped down versions of some of my previous material and perhaps making these recordings extended versions of the songs. I plan to add things such as verses, lyrics, and other stuff to make the songs longer, they will probably be much more straightforward and accessible.
9-28-03
If you are in marching band at Franklin Area High School, you know the director, Steve Johnston, really liked the movie Drumline. Here are some things critics (and random movie patrons) had to say about this film.
�I like the fact that Hollywood is trying to use the "sports movie" philosophy in other kinds of movies. I also liked the idea of a movie set in the world of giant marching bands. But it could have been a lot better if it was smart, funny and you really route for the underdogs. I just wanted Nick Cannon's Devon to get what was coming to him, failure.�
�I still can't see the reason Drumline was ever made or distributed to theatres. It is 118 minutes of a story that doesn't need to be told, about a kid everyone hates.�
�Speaking of misguided, how about this for a subplot - there is only one white drummer kid in the A&T band and he's lost his 'flava' and his 'moves' so he's delegated to the sidelines for being white. Eventually our sulky bastard protagonist shows Whitey how to play the drums with more style, uttering the line, "playing drums is like making love, you can't be lookin' down there seeing what's goin' on." To make a long story short, Whitey gets his spot back in the band, but spends 3/4 of the film being persecuted and ridiculed for the colour of his skin.�
�If you've ever been involved in an orchestra or band, you know that drummers are considered the losers of the entire organization. They're even bigger wussies than the tuba players. All they do is bang a stick up and down.�
hotpiss rated this movie 1 out of 5 stars
Dumbline
"I actually thought this movie would be cool. I was wrong..."
�And the part where the drummers point drum sticks at each other in a Drum-Off is every bit as lame as it looks. Fuck this movie.�
�If this film doesn't prove that Hollywood is completely out of ideas, I don't know what will.�
�The plot is about as trite as trite can be.�
�Drumline tries to be funny, but it fails.�
�Drumline, on the other hand, is a total piece of shit.�
I doubt anyone else will get as much enjoyment out of these as I did. I'm still laughing hysterically at the one that says "fuck this movie". God that is funny.
9-22-03
BEHOLD! IN ALL OF ITS GLORY! A COMPOSITE DRAWING OF CLUCK!!!
...not what you expected huh? Well, most of you have already seen it, but I'm sure those of you that haven't were just let down... tremendously.
Keep in mind this is not what the actual cartoon looks like. The ACTUAL cartoon is a lot better, because Nick drew it, but this is the basic idea of what the main character, and all the other characters for that matter, look like.
Anyone find it kind of weird that this site has shifted from being the official Porch Ninjas site, to being more the official website of Cluck:the Motion Picture? Nah, I didn't think so either. Actually, I'm thinking of maybe just making this the "Chaodayhey" website, since it is becoming increasingly more involved with just me, and less and less involved with the P-Ninjas and the other bands connected to the P-Ninjas.... oh well, just a thought. I'm tired and I'm going to sleep.
9-17-03
Major Cluck: the Motion Picture News
Today, after working on Cluck, Nick and I decided it will be COMPLETELY done BEFORE Christmas. Apparently Nick has to do several mock up presentations for Mrs. Cowart, and they are going to happen sometime in December, so our goal is Christmas.
I know there are three or four people who will find this imformation interesting. I dunno about you, but I am pretty excited. Hooray for Cluck and all of his GLORY. And to those of you that have already seen parts of Cluck, the newest scenes are WAY better than anything you have seen yet, but you should still feel privileged.
Stage Band Gym Soccer News
9-15-03
Today Kyle Walter scored two (2) goals in a 5-3 loss to the pennyless team in a stage band gym divisional soccer game. The other goalscorer for the penny'd team was Garth Porter.
"It takes it out of ya." Walter said, at a post game press conference. "I mean, we have a lot of emotions involved in each and everygame, and when you lose a big game like that second period (of the school day), it pretty much ruins your whole day."
The penny'd team was up by two (2) goals early in the game, but three (3) strait pennyless goals followed soon after. Garth Porter netted the game tying goal, and then the pennyless team took the game and ran away with it by scoring two (2) strait unanswered goals.
Tim Switzer, who scored a goal for the pennyless team said, "Well, they came out and played hard, and I mean, we had to work for every inch we got out there, ya know, and well, we had to keep working it down low behind the net, and, ya know, they really didn't give up easy, ya know?"
Porter added, "This game meant a lot to us, and losing it really puts us behind in the standings. We could be in second place right now, had we won this game, but we're second to last right now. But, ya know, you can't think about that for too long, cause if you think about that too long you lose your focus for the next game, and that's what we're doing right now, focusing on the next game. We just have to brush this one off, and get out there next week and play harder. I don't think we're out of the playoff race yet, we can still pull this off.
Zach Addington and Ted Jolley also added, "Man, the penny team sucks, they really, I mean, they had the lead, but, god, they suck." Ted Jolley shook his head and agreed.
9-9-03
Kyle and I landed a gig playing acoustic geetars and singing for kindergarteners who are learning the alphabet. We're demonstrating the letter "G", with our guitars. We're going to try to write a few up tempo PG rated songs to play for the little whippersnappers. I'm sort of excited, but I imagine actually doing this is going to be one of the weirdest and most akward things I've ever done.
9-7-03
Frank Black and the Catholics (not a christian band) are going to release a new album on the NINTH! Cool huh? I probably won't run out and buy it the day it comes out, hell, I probably won't be able to do such a thing, but Frank Black is the man and I thought all 3 or 4 of you should know about this.
Ever get the feeling you're not a good songwriter? I get that feeling a lot. Here is my list of things to write songs about:
Dippy Eggs
Telephones
Two Flies Having Sex
8-31-03
I don't have any news or anything to post on here really, I'm just kind of, hmm, what is the word? Bored, yeah, that's it.
Well, school started almost a week ago or something, that's pretty nifty. It seems like it's been at least a month already. Surprisingly I have said "I'm gunna kill myself" very little since school started. Even though I have no intention of actually harming myself in anyway, I used to say that a lot, and I kind of expected myself to (expected myself to SAY that, I'm not gunna DO it), but I haven't. Maybe I *gasp* MATURED or something?!?!?!
I need to find some way to start writing songs again... I can't seem to do it. I bought "London Calling" the other day, and I thought maybe it would light a proverbial fire under my ass the way "Bone Machine" by mah boy Tom Waits did... but it hasn't yet. Oh well, it took a month or so for the T.W. inspiration to kick in. Maybe I should buy another one of his albums and go back to ripping him off. Because you know what they say "good artists barrow, great artists steal". At least, I think someone said that once, wasn't it like, Picasso or something? Hell I dunno, anyway, that's all for now.
8-28-03
Yo, I is back... My computer works for the time being, so maybe I'll use the internet everyonce in awhile now. Hooray.
I put up Kelly's poem, enjoy the hell our of it, you little bitches.
8-22-03
I'm rocking out to some kick old man right now, as we speak. Cool huh? Go to their website geocities.com/kickoldman if you haven't already and check out the two songs they have up. If you're reading this, you've probably already been there several times and downloaded the songs... but there is a slim chance that you haven't. SO ENJOY!!!
"As for me, I'm known as lollipop man... alias to long haired sucker, and my motto is, 'make my funk the p-funk'."
I can't write songs... send me an e-mail at [email protected] and give me and idea of what to write a song about. Then pick a random key (preferably only minor or major, I'm not that good with anything that takes more than basic music theory knowledg). And I'll try to write a song about it... Then I'll send it to you PERSONALLY. Forgive me for being really lame... but what the hell...
8-18-03
I am officially the dumbest human being on the planet. The reason this website hasn't worked for the past week is because I forgot to put a " / " before my second text header thing. If you know html, which most of you do, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't know html... get with the program brah.
Just kidding, if you don't know html, good, it's pretty useless. Anywho I am now back to being a part of the almighty FRANKLIN WEBRING... so yeah, sign the guestbook or something.
8-9-03
Holy cow, band camp starts here, um, Monday, I think. I haven't played my drums at all since school got out, and while practicing my rudiments and stuff the other day, it hit me, I suck at drums. The lesson here is, DON'T STOP PRACTICING AN INSTRUMENT that you will have to play in a few months.
And in the songwriting department, I haven't been able to write or record anything that doesn't sound like dog urine hitting a paper plate since uh... last month on the 26th. But I'm going to quit complaining, because by now you have stopped reading.
Porch Ninjas have also done nothing, but I think Kyle wrote some lyrics for a Fuzzer song recently, so that is good news.
8-5-03
"For the love of a God you say? NOT a letter from an occupant?"
Crispy Rice <--- Follow this link to download the ever ominous CRISPY RICE um... theme song, yeah, the crispy rice theme song.
8-4-03
Noi
7-30-03
"Hello fellow people of the puck." I put Nicks poem up, hope you enjoy. I know I did. Now someone else has to send a poem in... but I doubt anyone will. Oh well.
Oh yeah, I have something else for ya. It's a "song", you should check it out over on the Second Downloads Page
7-29-03
Every ghetto craves THIS new anthem. Check out the Kick Old Man Website yo. It's COOL, I want you all to go there and sign the MUTHER FRICKEN guestbook, cause I love ya'll, yee, yeah.
7-19-03
"Can you free me? It's all freedom rock..."
Alright well, not much music has been happening in the P-Ninjas camp as of late, so I figured I'd put a poem up. This poem seems considerably less focused than the last two poems but oh well.
And speaking of poetry, if you have any, and you want it on a website, you can send it to me at [email protected]. I would be more than happy to put it on the site, even if it does suck. I will say this however, I won't put anything up with too much profanity, rasicm, sexism, or anything that goes against the typical morals of society on the site. Other than that, SEND SOME POEMS... I know no one is going to send any in, Jess Storm might (thanks in advance Jess), but I doubt anyone else will.
No new music stuff
7-14-03
The lord has struck you down and delivered to me the second update in as many days. This time he said it was cool for me to give you another MP3, this time it's one of my songs... It's a little different than the other songs of mine, but I think someone will like it.
Go here to download this biatch. (this is two strait updates that I've used the slang term "biatch", cool huh?)
The song is called "New Wave Skat", incase you were wondering.
7-13-03
Whoa... it's been some time since I've updated this BIATCH!!! I started reading the book Slaughter House Five. I recommend it. We have to read if for english class next year, but I would still read it even if I didn't have to... it's THAT GOOD. So check it out...
Still no Porch Ninjas news... nothing new there, mostly because Kyle hates the porch ninjas. If it were up to ME we would work on new material and record it CONSTANTLY... but that isn't possible.
I might put up another one of my songs sometime, until then you should go check out Kyle's HIP HOP song over on the second downloads page.
7-5-03
Some sad news... Barry White passed away yesterday (July 4 2003). He will be missed.
For those of you that don't know who Barry White is, think of the song "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe", and you'll probably figure out who I'm talking about.
No new downloads or news for right now.
7-3-03
Aight kids, got some new SHIAT for ya. This song doesn't involve me in any way shape or form, so you'll probably enjoy it A LOT!
But, you have to go here to get it. We ran out of space on this website, so I had to get another site to put more downloads on (see 6-30-03 update). Stick it ta tha man.
This is a song that Kyle and Ben Milliron (Drachma bass player) recorded. I enjoy it a lot, so hopefully you will too.
6-30-03
DEAR LORD WHO KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME? ... I didn't, but I suppose I should have. We have used 95% of our allocated 15 megabytes of space on this site. Dear Lord do horrors never cease? Anyway, I would have to pay $4.95 to get just TEN more megabytes of space, and that to me is a jip, so I'm just going to get another 15 megabytes FOR FREE and link it to this site. *smirks and raises an eyebrow while cars explode and P-
Funk plays in the backround* Stick it to the man.
And because you have all been so nice to me (yes, all two of you that come to this site), here is another song.
Pregnant Grapes
The song is about nothing and the title is just some random words, so don't try to put too much thought into any of it, thanks.
6-28-03
Like I said, I recorded a bunch of crap, and now I have nothing to do with it. So I'm going to put another song on here for two or three people to download. Enjoy, or uh, don't enjoy, doesn't really (a/e)ffect me either way.
Mah Mini Van
Yeah, the title is almost the same as one of the Porch Ninjas songs on here, but what the hell do you care? I'm just uncreative.
P.S: If any of these links don't work, send me an e-mail at [email protected] and I'll try to fix it.
6-24-03
Alright, I promised some downloads, and unlike all the other times I've promised to put up new songs, I'm not lying.
Cock and Bull
This is just some song I recorded to test out this new recording program that Kyle and I stumbled upon. It's not really a Porch Ninjas song though, because Kyle wasn't involved in writing or recording it, but I said I'd give "the SUR" something to download, and damnit, I'm gunna keep my word.
6-23-03
I got my hair trimmed. Just wanted to get that out in the open.
I tried to help my ailing computer in the garage, but I just made it worse. So that puts a damper on my hopes for recording P-Ninjas songs constantly, but we still plan on recording some stuff. We probably won't though, because Kyle hates the Porch Ninjas.
I on the other hand started to record a bunch of crap last night, and if I feel like it, I might put some of the songs on the internet for your enjoyment. Even though you probably won't enjoy them. SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
6-22-03
I've got a FREGGIN' PLAN! And it doesn't involve you till later, so just FORGET I SAID ANYTHING!
All you really need to know is that the ultimate goal of the plan is to get more porch ninjas songs on this site for you to download. So basically that person who signs our guestbook anonymously will be pretty stoked, but I doubt it will affect anyone else.
We already have some stuff that we recorded almost a year ago that we can put on the site, including a different version of Jo Mamma, a techno song, and a bunch of other bullshit that is to dumb for you to waste your time downloading.
Oh yeah, some sad news. Kyle quit Drachma... *Sniff* And Drachma disbanded shortly after. May Drachma rest in a better far place.
6-18-03
Jesus Christo!
Dear lord wonders never cease! School is actually OVER! Which gives Kyle and I plenty of time to be stupid, and us being stupid is how we write Porch Ninjas songs.
Tonight while gathering raw materials for this get together that Kyle is having tomorrow, we worked on this one song that doesn't really have a name yet, and came up with some other ideas that might pan out into songs.
At the moment we have no plans for any shows or live performances. Kyle asked one of his connections if we could play at Dandy's Frontier on Friday, but that isn't going to happen. Hopefully soon we'll get something together, but I wouldn't count on it.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
6-2-03
"I've got hair on my chest, and I look good without a shirt on."
I just want the people that control the radio stations to know that we, the youth of America, are tired of hearing songs about breaking up with girlfriends/boyfriends.
On a more depressing note, Lickuid Snot broke up, but got back together again in a matter of seconds. Then Kyle and I got in a fight, but we realized we didn't know what we were fighting about, so we made a picnic lunch and enjoyed a peaceful day by the interstate.
Porch Ninjas, however, remained intact through this whole ordeal.
5-31-03
Depressing day at home...
I have wasted the entire day doing absolutely nothing. Cool huh? I wanted to see if Kyle could work on some songs today, but he had to go to a movie with some girl he has never met. That's cool though, no hard feelings.
I tried to write some songs on my own last night, but lord knows I am terrible at that. I don't see how these songwriter people can write a song like every day, it's insane. Oh well, no big deal, hopefully I'll figure it out someday. Until then, rest assured, I'm still stalking you.
5-28-03
Oh what the hell, I don't even know why I update this website. I suppose it makes me feel special.
Well, we only have a few more weeks of school left. I'm stoked, but I'm also un-stoked because I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself all summer. However, all this free time will give Kyle and myself plenty of time to write songs and stuff, so hopefully this will be a very productive summer. I kind of doubt it though.
There are some rumors circling around right now that P-Ninjas might play a show at Dandy's Frontier with Drachma and Daze of Destiny this summer. If that pans out, I'll keep you posted, if it doesn't, I'll keep you in the dark.
5-27-03
I'm in a giving mood right now, so here are some bands that you should check out if you haven't already...
Frank Black and the Catholics (note: they are NOT a christian band)
The Pogues
Sly and the Family Stone
The Space Twins
The Special Goodness
Cody ChesnuTT
and
Elvis Costello
Don't ask why I chose to call attention to these bands/artists, just download a few tracks if you're bored.
I got the bright idea yesterday of trying to make up some sort of P-Ninjas logo. I copied the Pixies logo and once I settle on something I like I'll try to put it up on dis mug. Until then, DON'T EVEN ASK ME about what the Porch Ninjas are up too.
5-26-03
I like to update websites, because it gives me a false sense of importance.
At any rate, Kyle and I wrote a new song today, but this song will NOT be used in Porch Ninjas. We are going to use this song in a new band that we formed today called LICKUID SNOT. Lickuid Snot is basically the same thing as Porch Ninjas, but Lickuid Snot plays more "Classic Rock" style songs.
As far as P-Ninjas go, nothing new has been written. I did however start fiddling around with a chord progression while Kyle was playing harvest moon that I think might make for a good P-Ninjas song. Then again, I have thought that before, and have been wrong... So I wouldn't put too much into that.
In conclusion... I have been on an UPDATING kick lately, so you better check back daily to see what I have to say. But since no one comes here, I'm just wasting my time.
5-25-03
Remember that thing I said about "down time"? Well, it couldn't be more true. Gilman didn't play the BOTBs @ Cranberry. I know you're all real depressed about that. But DRACHMA did play, and they got second place, woot woot.
Anyway, shortly before the BOTB's a NEW song was worked on. That's right, a NEW SONG! Now, with summer vacation just around the corner, maybe I can convince Kyle that we should write more songs and maybe even do some recording. We can only pray that he thinks that would be beneficial to himself.
Also, there has been some talk of the P-Ninjas playing a show with Drachma some time this summer at Dandy's Frontier, or whatever the hell that place is called. Let's hope that pans out.
And now a quick shoutout. (I know no one does shout outs anymore, but I'm going to do one anyway) If you read this, I love you. I seriously do, because I know that NO ONE is going to read this. So if anyone does I will be unbeleivably stoked.
4-26-03
Well, expect some down time. Right now Violent-K and myself are focusing on practicing with this new band called Gilman. We are playing the Cranberry High School Battle of the Bands sometime next month. I can't remember the actually date, but I'll put it on here, even though no one reads this crap.
As for the P-Ninjas crew... uh, who cares about them, they suck.
4-13-03
There is a kink in my hair. But do you think I CARE? Well, I do, so you are correct in thinking that I care.
I'm not addicted to porn, and I don't drink or smoke. All the more reason to have my child. Er... I mean wait, no, we won't have kids right now.
HEY! I KNOW! HEY... been tryin' to meet you. Your bone's got a little machine... IS SHE WEIRD? IS SHE WHITE? IS SHE PROMISE TO THE NIGHT?
Don't forget to check out the tab.
4-9-03
When writing songs, some songwriters use symbolism as a way to make their music more accessible to more people. I just like to say "fuck" a lot.
As of right now the P-Ninja crew has tentative plans to convene in the studio this saturday to lay down some new tracks. We plan to work on some super violent hip-hop songs, as well as a tribute to Justin Timberlake entitled A Tribute to Justin Timberlake (Cuttin' Off the Tip of Yo' Dick). We also have a Doo Wop song up our sleeves that might see the light of day at this session. We need to record that pop punk song too, and if we have time we'll probably make better versions of Rabid Dogg, Mah Van, and Diploid.
As for Nathanials tabs... I'll do it later.
And speaking of hair, U.S. forces went into Baghdad today and did some crazy stuff, so we will probably look back on this day years from now and say, "Hey I remember that happening." Then our children will yawn, steal the car, and drive off to a party to get drunk.
4-3-03
Well uh, we played this show at the Monarch Park Cafe in Oil City last Saturday. We opened for Drachma, again. Funny how Drachma and the Porch Ninjas always seem to be playing the same venues. Anyway, the crowd was anyhing but energetic, but that's cool. We're the P-Ninjas, we're to fucking punk rock to care what people think about us... Errr I mean, wait, I take that back, we're corporate sellouts!!! Or are we??? You just don't know. (If you can't pick up on the heavy sarcasm here, then god have mercy on your soul)
Our set list was as follows:
Rabid Dogg
Diploid
Mah Van
What All Ya'll Said
50% Off Lovemaking (Mall-Punk Song)
80's Song
Jo Mamma
This was the first time we played Jo Mamma in public. Ben Milliron played bass guitar and Larry Boocks played drums. Pretty cool huh?
This was also the debut of 80's Song (not to be confused with Metal Song), and the debut of our newest song 50% Off Lovemaking (Mall-Punk Song)
Oh yeah, Nathanial, I'll put your tabs up here sometime. Trust me. But I have to go to Washington in a few hours, so uh, later. 3-22-03
"I'm scared of you for all the wrong reasons."
Ya know how I said that you should not go to the FHS Broadcast? Well, it's a good thing no one read that, because the show(s) actually went very well and I'm told that a lot of the people there ENJOYED the show. So kudos to all the acts there, especially my boys in Franklin Sound Machine, they tore up.
As for the Porch Ninjas, screw them. They suck.
3-13-03
To whom it may concern,
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GO TO THE FRANKLIN HIGH SCHOOL BROADCAST! Don't waste your money, it is not, I REPEAT, NOT worth it. Okay, now that I have that out of my system.
3-9-03
If I had a smaller Adams Apple I bet I could attract a lot of women. Just a thought. At any rate, Porch Ninjas have still done nothing, I blame myself for this. Don't ask why I blame myself, just rest assured that it is my fault.
It has also come to my attention that no one comes to this website. Actually I have known this for quite some time, but now I feel compelled to do something about it. I don't know what I am going to do, but hopefully I'll do something.
3-1-03
Happy, um, March. I just felt the need to tell the millions of people that don't read anything written on this website that the album Warning by Green Day is very underrated. I'd also like to say that Porch Ninjas haven't done jack crap since the battle of the bands, and the only reason I am writing this is because I am really bored and it gives me a feeling of importance.
2-24-03
For those of you that don't care, the Battle of the Bands was great fun. I think the crowd actually LIKED us. I don't know why, but they laughed at my lame jokes and my futile attempts to pick up chicks. At any rate, it was cool, and all the other bands played REALLY well. Especially my boys in the band Drachma and Virgin Lake.
Our set list was as follows:
Somebody Called Me an Angel
Rabid Dogg
Diploid
Mah Van
I Don't Care What All Ya'll Said
Metal Song
4 Foot 4 won first place, big surprise. From This Point On got second, and Kid Chameleon got third. I got a nice compliment from one of the judges, he said that we were the most original act there. So put that in your pipe and GET CANCER WITH IT!!!
Well, since now we are going to have a long period of "downtime", we plan on writing and recording new material. I know you, the non-existant reader that I keep referring to, don't care. Well I do. Until next time, make sure you wear a condom.
2-20-03
Sometimes I feel cold and lonely, other times I feel aroused. Mostly I feel aroused about playing at the Rock Grove High Battle of the Bands. Of course, no one is going to read this, so it is really pointless that I am telling you this, but the show is THIS saturday. I don't have any idea what time it is at, because I am not important enough to be told information like that.
2-3-03
Okay, so MAYBE I lied. But no one comes to this website so it won't affect me, or you. At any rate. Today we had practice for the Battle of the Bands auditions that are this Saturday. Our songs are sounding pretty tight and as long as I don't get nervous and screw up we should be okay.
We recorded a demo of the song Diploid last Thursday, but we changed a lot of guitar stuff at practice today so we aren't going to put the demo up until we get a good one.
"Hold my hand, we'll trampoline."
12-30-02
Well, it is almost 2003. And you know what that means! Yes, the Porch Ninjas are going to record SOON. Either New Years day, or some other day, but it will be SOON. So make sure you hold your breath, because we want you all dead. *just kidding* But we will record more stuff and put it on the site soon.
Oh this is a little late but while I'm here, R.I.P. Joe Strummer, may you Rock the Casbah for all eternity.
12-26-02
We had some trouble with the mp3's, but I think they are all up and working now so, download away.
Um, as far as recording new material, we have no plans to record at the moment, but rest assured, we will. I don't really know why it matters, but it does.
12-24-02
We, the Porch Ninjas, made this website as a cheap (in fact free) way to get our ridiculous music to fans. Actually we don't have any fans right now, but assume you may soon be one of the first. Hopefully you will download some songs, for free, enjoy them, and come back for more. If you don't, that's cool too, your loss.
