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| POPS ON LOVE | ||||||||||||||
| LIFE, LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS | ||||||||||||||
| FORUM | ||||||||||||||
| Q. From John (SA). I have been going out with my girlfriend for 6 months now. But whenever l try and get intimate, she shies away. When l asked her why, she told me that she had been raped about a year ago. We do love each other, what should l do? | ||||||||||||||
| A. John, this is a tricky one. You did not say if your girlfriend had counciling after having this experience, so l will presume that she did not. I would suggest that you take things very slowly indeed, try and get her to talk to you about the incident, but dont pressure her. The big problem, is that she probably does not trust men anymore so you now have to win her trust, by being sympathetic, gentle and caring and John, this is going to take time, dont rush it. Then when she feels more comfortable with you, you can start being more intimate with each other, but take your time about it. Start off by just kissing and cuddling each other, then gently fondling, slowly moving towards mutual masturbation, but DONT rush it. Only when she feels safe and trusts you, will she let you go all the way. But remember, be patient, some people NEVER get over the experience of rape. Good luck to you both. | ||||||||||||||
| Q. From a friend who is Asian. I am looking for a western husband to share my life with, but now l am very distrustful of men, due to having been badly let down in the past, once they got what they wanted. Needless to say, l feel used and disillusioned, will l ever find someone? | ||||||||||||||
| A. Unfortunately, most western men have the wrong impression about Asian women, they tend to believe that Asian women are just sex objects and after money. Although this is true in certain Asian countries, it certainly does not apply to all Asian women nor does it apply to all Asian countries. I myself, am engaged to an Asian and l cant wait to marry her, because l know that she will be devoted, loyal and loving, this is how they are brought up. However, in most Asian countries the people are very poor, little or no work and low wages (my friend earns about $48 a month but works 12 hours a day, 7 days a week). Also, having a women to men ratio of 10-1 does not help either. So, to answer her question. I told her to not give up, there is someone out there for her, but above all she should feel good about herself and love herself, she is such a lovely person, always cheerful and loves to laugh. But l also said, that she should play hard to get and not feel pressurized into jumping into bed, because this will give any potential suitor entirely the wrong impression. So, any men out there serious about marrying an Asian lady, who you will be happy with for the rest of your life, let me know and l will put you both in touch. | ||||||||||||||
| Q. From Jill (UK). My boyfriend and l have been living together now for the last 18 months, we both work but l dont know if our relationship will last, because we constantly argue about money, we do love each other, but this arguing is getting too much now. What should we do? | ||||||||||||||
| A. Jill. I did briefly cover this topic under Common Problems. You say that you both work, so you should both sit down one night with a piece of paper and write down ALL your joint expenses, everything, any savings included. Once you have done that, add your incomes together then deduct your expenses. The amount thats left (hopefully there will be some left) divide in half. Half for you and half for him. If either of you is not prepared to do this, then all l can say is that your relationship will not last. Whether you are married or not, you are living together and are therefore in a partnership and so everything should be shared equally, income,expenses and decisions and once you have worked out your budget, stick to it. Hopefully, your arguments should be over. Good luck to you both. | ||||||||||||||
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