there comes a time in every man's life when he must try to screw with as many people calling him at home as possible. this is one of those times

you have reached 010 110 001 111 010 001 110 please leave a message at the beep

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hello, and welcome to service phone.
if you would like a helper monkey to do your biddings press 1,
for your car to be washed with lime green jello press 2,
if you.. (press a random button and wait 2 seconds)
you have selected 'badly in need of a spanking',
please leave your name and address
and the size of the paddle you would like to be spanked with at the beep.
thank you for calling service phone, have a nice day.

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hi, I am not home right now, and if you don't like it, you may eat your hat and call it macaroni
(what's interesting is that the song does not refer to the type of macaroni that you eat, but rather it refers to the group known as the 'macaroni' who prefered to dress in the fashion of the european style)

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hello, I am not here right now, but my dick's so big, it's right behind you

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hello, I am out taking an exam. who knew a lisence to kill would be this hard to get...

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today is my birthday!! I'm out celebrating by blowing up iowa (don't worry it's not a real state anyway)