Title, Summary and Lyrics from Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional (the “featuring Michael Stipe” Version).
“My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.”
They’re gathered in Shawn’s hotel room, beers they shouldn't be drinking spread out on the floor beneath them. About an hour ago, Shawn had pulled out his video camera and somehow an impromptu game of Truth or Dare began. Elijah had chosen truth and Clea asked him if he was a virgin; the immediate blush staining his cheeks had spoken volumes. Josh felt for the kid. Elijah got her back, however, daring she call Robert and tell him funding fell through. He caught onto her within seconds. Clea was unusually quiet after that and Josh grinned when he saw Elijah's small smile of satisfaction.
Clea and Jordana are leaning back against one of the couches, Clea's head rolling onto Jordana's shoulders from time to time. So you really can’t hold it against Josh when he dares Jordana to kiss Clea. Shawn 'woohoo's' and starts focusing his camera on the two. Clea flips him off without malice and curls closer to Jordana, whispering something in her ear. Jordana laughs and whispers back. Josh has a damn nice buzz going, the world fuzzy around him, and doesn’t give much though to their secret conversation. Jordana flashes Josh a smile and turns her head to Clea, pressing their lips together just barely, tongues easing out to tease and flirt. Josh hears Elijah's small 'oh' from the bed above his shoulder and smiles fondly. Elijah did everything minutely, with small, shy looks or soft sounding words. Josh couldn't picture him ever yelling or getting angry. Even during his embarrassing Truth admission, he wasn't upset. He dimly wonders why he’s thinking of Elijah when he has two girls kissing in front of him, but brushes it off.
The kiss ends with Jordana turning back to her previous position, casually downing the rest of her beer while Clea looks flushed and anxious. Josh had figured she might be a lesbian and absurdly hopes Jordana won’t fuck with her too much. And when the hell had he turned into such a girl? Normally he'd be shouting obnoxious comments and cheering like Sean was. Perhaps he was growing up.
It’s Josh's turn now and he tenses as he catches the mischievous gleam in Jordana's eyes. "Truth or Dare, Josh?"
She sounds so damn smug. Never one to back down, he gathers all his considerably nerve and pointedly says, "Dare."
She glances at Clea, who's finally composed herself, and then looks to the bed where Elijah is lying on his side. Her eyes dart between Elijah and Josh's place on the floor against the bed so many times before she finally speaks that Josh begins to feel himself sweat.
"I dare you to make out with Elijah for two minutes."
"What??"
It takes Josh a second to realize the high-pitched squeak didn't come from his mouth.
He’s still wrapping his mind around the dare when Clea speaks for the first time in a good thirty minutes. "If we can do it, you guys can." Et tu, Clea?
Shawn groans behind the camera. "Do I have to tape this?” However, it’s more teasing than anything else. If Sean were a homophobe, he and Josh would've had it out already.
Josh had kissed a few boys in his time, but it'd never been anything serious. Some clumsy fooling around with his best friend from junior high, a few stolen kisses in the gym locker room after basketball practice with a fellow team member. Experimenting shit. The thing was, every time had always felt so forbidden, like he was indulging in something he could never have for real, should never even think of having. Kissing girls had never felt that way. Having a girlfriend was cool and having sex was even cooler but there was no real risk. He wondered what it'd be like to have a boyfriend, someone like Elijah who he could kiss and touch without hiding. And jesus, he's turned into a girl again.
Josh sighs when he realizes this wouldn't be any different. It'd be superficial making out if they went through with it. A dare, payback for indulging in his lesbian fetish. The thought shouldn't disappoint him as much as it is. He knew he had a slight crush on Elijah but that shouldn't mean he wanted to date him.
Elijah was still complaining weakly when he finally tunes into his surroundings again, "Jor, please, Josh doesn't want to do this.. don't make.. "
"I'm cool, Lij." He feels everyone's eyes on him, but he’s focusing on Elijah, those blue irises growing impossibly larger. "Are you?"
"Uh.. um.” Elijah licks his lips, color darkening his cheeks once more. "Yeah. I'm -- cool. Totally."
Josh smiles inwardly. The kid so wasn't.
Josh turns back to the flabbergasted faces and smiles brilliantly. "Who's keepin' time?"
Shawn clears his throat. "Uh.. I will. It's on the camera, so."
"Right. The camera." Jesus. Josh is gonna have to find a non-humiliating way to ask Shawn for a copy of that tape.
Josh climbs onto the bed, positioning himself above Elijah. He smiles down in what he hopes is a reassuring fashion, while Clea and Jordana suddenly bounce into action. Clea gets on the other side of the bed while Jordana kneels on the floor. He looks between them, expectantly, and they both shrug.
"Better view," Clea admits.
Josh shakes his head, trying to ignore Elijah's penetrating stare and the feel of his body, warm and trembling beneath him, and looks to Sean.
Shawn shuffles the camera, and says, "And... go."
Their lips meet, fast and full of abandon, as if something has been unleashed between them. Josh loses himself in the sensation of Elijah's soft, full lips, softer than any boy's lips had the right to be. Their tongues tentatively inch out; Elijah’s just as shy as the rest of his body. Josh catches it with his own, pulling it into his mouth while Elijah moans, too soft for anyone but Josh to hear. Elijah's hands are blindly groping Josh's body, running up and down his sides and over his ass. The tease of his fingers drives Josh insane. His own hands are claiming Elijah's chest, roughly exploring the expanse of it, wishing he were feeling skin instead of the thin layer of fabric.
Josh grabs one of Elijah's hands and lifts it up near the headboard. They break away for a few seconds, panting against one another mouths and laughing like the hungry teenagers they are. Clea and Jordana keep making high-pitched comments but Josh doesn’t care. Elijah's hands move, slip underneath Josh's shirt and then he’s helping him, sitting up and pulling it off. Josh smiles down at him, frantic now, and presses their bodies together, firmly. He vaguely hears Shawn's warning of 20 seconds and Jordana's intelligible squeal as he grinds his hips down, their erections finally coming into full contact. They kiss lazily as if they have all the time in the world, mouths barely moving over each other’s, hot, moist breath mingling as if they aren’t being clocked and watched and taped. Elijah finally grabs his ass and pulls him closer. His small, needy gasp shocks Josh out of his haze and, thankfully Shawn calls time right then.
Josh uses all his acting ability to laugh casually and bounce off the bed, back onto the floor.
"Happy now?" His voice sounds mostly normal. He hopes.
Clea faintly whispers, "Damn," while Jordana just smirks and passes him a beer. Josh doesn’t look at Elijah until he hears rustling from the bed.
"I should be going. Night, guys."
He’s out the door before anyone can object.
Jordana stares hard at Josh, as if this was his fault.
"Oh fuck off," he growls and walks out.
Elijah's room is down the hall and he stands there knocking on the door good 15 seconds before it opens. Elijah is flushed, his clothes twisted awkwardly. Josh grows harder at the image of Elijah rushing back here to jerk-off, imagining it was Josh's hand, his mouth on his dick.
"What, Josh?” He sounds so young, so defeated.
Josh gathers his courage for a second time that night and hopes he isn’t making a huge mistake. "Wanna go out?"
"Huh?"
"You. Me. Date."
"You want to.. uh, really?"
Josh has to laugh at the complete insecurity this beautiful boy should not possess.
He ruffles Elijah's hair, turning it into a caress down his neck. "Yeah, ya jerk."
Elijah smiles, finally a full blinding smile and Josh's heart loosens. "One condition."
Josh leans closer and dips his hand beneath the collar of his shirt. "Hmm?"
"Get that tape from Shawn?"
Oh. Josh frowns. "Oh. Yeah. Don't worry, no one else will see it. Won't end up on the internet or anything."
Elijah ducks his head and leans closer, their bodies now millimeters apart. "No, I just kinda.. wanna watch it. Together."
Josh grins and slips his hand lower, to the small of Elijah's back. "God, yeah. Um, can I come in now?" Realizing he was still standing in the open door.
"Only if you finish making out with me."
"Deal." Josh pushes him through the doorway, kicks the door closed, and moves them towards the bed. When he’s back on top of Elijah, he licks a line up his neck, murmuring, "and no time limit, this time."
He drowns out Elijah's laughter with his lips.
[end]