"He's dating the female you

Title: It Only Hurts at First
Author: Cherry Vanilla
Pairing: Jepha + Branden, Bert/Quinn
Rating: PG
Summary: "So it's safe to say that we've been here before."

* * * *

Stop expecting change
he's just a lost cause that you're
waiting on.

* * * * *

"He's dating the female you."

"Fuck off."

"Well, he is, man. She's... manly. And she's got muscles and tattoos and she likes dick, just like you."

Jepha bangs his head on the bar, repeatedly, as if it will stop the words. "Shut up, shut up." He wanted to hate Spike, and at times he did. But she was making Branden happy and when you love someone you don't want them to be miserable, even if you are.

"He's got issues, man, okay? You gotta get over it."

"Yes, asshole, I know that. You telling me he's dating me with breasts and a cunt isn't exactly helping, though."

Quinn drapes an arm around his shoulders. "Sorry. I don't even think he realizes it. And if he does, he won't let his repressed self admit it."

Great, now Quinn is getting psychological and he isn't nearly drunk enough to endure it. "He's not repressed, okay? You can't like, be in this band and be repressed. Not with you and Bert practically humping on stage night after night."

"Dude, the way he kissed me last night.. I felt it in my toes."

"Off the subject, Quinny."

"Right. Sorry."

"I think he's just. He's just straight, Quinn. He's always been one hundred percent heterosexual without being homophobic or repressed."

"Then maybe he knows he's in love with you but since you don't have the right parts he's found the next best thing."

Jepha sighs heavily. "And how does that help me?"

"Maybe it's not supposed to," Quinn nearly yells. "It's not gonna happen, Jeph. No matter how much you hope, every fucking day. Hell, you can't even get him drunk and pray maybe he'll finally let go one night."

Jeph grits his teeth, biting down hard on his bottom lip. "I'm two seconds away from punching your fucking lights out."

Quinn sighs, and Jeph watches the lines of tension disappear from his face. "I just don't wanna see you do this to yourself anymore, man. It isn't healthy."

Jeph's mouth works but before he can say anything Bert bounds into the bar like a force of nature, and practically falls onto Quinn. "Dude, they almost didn't let me in. I had to have like some kid passing by tell the guy who I was. Felt like a whore."

Jeph sometimes forget he's surrounded by babies in this band, not old enough to drink.

Quinn laughs and he almost can't look athow his face changes, lights up.

"How'd you get in, asshole?"

"Cause I'm pretty."

Bert leans in closer, mouth angled into Quinn's neck and purrs, "Fuck yeah, you are."

Jeph can hear the soft sound of lips on skin and downs the rest of his beer. When he turns back they're just staring at one another. He should be happy for them. They've been through so much shit and he knows how in love Quinn is, how long he's wanted it to actually be real. The spell breaks and Bert tucks his chin over Quinn's shoulder and wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him closer in a fierce act of possession. "Jepha, Branden's looking for you, man."

"What's he want?"

Bert shrugs. "Dunno. Just you."

"He'll never want just me," his voice is barely audible and heavy with resignation. He feels Quinn's hand squeeze his shoulder and something uncurls in his chest, like a knot being pulled and undone.

"You okay?"

"I will be."

He mostly believes it.