The American Sarcasm Society Presents...
POP CULTURE FIGHTS
This Week's Match-Up:
Ferris Bueller vs. The Fonz
The Set-Up
Both Ferris Bueller and Arthur Fonzarelli have their eyes on the top prize in high school politics: Class President. They each have one speech to make in front of the entire student body, made up of pop culture's finest high schoolers: the casts of Saved by the Bell, Heathers, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and many others. After the speeches, the voting begins. There is one ballot per person, no contesting the vote, no recounts, the decision is final. So which candidate takes it?
The Debate
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DOCTOR NO: Since a speech is involved, there is an obvious winner: Ferris. Besides the fact that Fonzie isn�t exactly an orator, Ferris has his public-relations skills finely-honed. He has the almighty power of Breaking the Fourth Wall �: he can talk directly to any audience at any time, even while being alone in his room. This will allow him not only to inspire all of the good students who are sitting in the auditorium, but also all of his slacker brethren who are wandering the halls or Smoking in the Boys Room � �. These votes will be crucial. Even if the speeches don�t quite sway voters, there are only two things important in a Class President election anyway: popularity and cheating. While Arthur may be exceedingly popular, he doesn�t have the heart or smarts to cheat. On the other hand, Mr. Bueller (or should I say President Bueller) and his closest compatriots are masters of physical and vocal disguises. I ask you: could any other high school student convince a snooty and snotty waiter that he was the Sausage King of Chicago? Cameron is a master of voices, and with a hat and a new shirt he could conceivably vote an infinite number of times. Even without these multiple votes, Ferris has the support of the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, and dickheads: a mighty voting bloc. And besides, my best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with this girl who said that Ferris Bueller would become Class President. | ||||||||||||||
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SGT HARTMAN: Fonzie is certainly not a great speaker, but the Fonz has no need for such formalities. The Fonz has the uncanny ability to motivate large bodies of people with his coolness alone. Heres how it comes down: The Fonz enters the room, snaps his fingers and the crowd becomes silent. The Fonz addresses the crowd, "Everybody, now listen up! The Fonz is running for Class President." He signals for a nearby girl to come forward and she does, all stary-eyed. "Now tell the people who they should vote for." She responds, still stary-eyed, "You, Fonzie?" He snaps his fingers, "Exactamundo! The election is tomorrow. Be there. Whoa!" He exits, with the girl in tow. Simple, but cool words. The Fonz, as you can see has this popularity thing down pat. He gets 50% of the vote just by snapping his fingers. If this isn't enough, he's got plenty of back-up. Lets not forget Fonzie's best chum, Richie Cunningham. With Richie, The Fonz has a very close tie to the nerd population. And Richie also brings to the party Ralph, an obnoxious prankster, and Potsie, a dork and the whitest singer ever. At first glance, these two may seem worthless and annoying, but they allow the Fonz to practice what he does best: get the average sweater-vest wearing square out of jams in the coolest of fashions. Perhaps the greatest contribution to the Fonzie campaign is Richie's father, Howard Cunningham. Mr. C and Fonzie are a dynamic force. Together, they invented the first trash compactor. Sure, Fonz-How Inc. isn't a household name, but the potential of greatness is clearly seen. This behind-the-scenes team of a nerd, two dorks and a frisky hardware store owner help shape the Fonzarelli campagin into an unbeatable force of cool, even when Chachi and Ted McGinley get in the way. So, round up the Chicks (TM) as the Fonz delivers his acceptance speech, with thumbs raised: "Aaayyye!" | ||||||
Research Links |
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