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Hogwarts Wizard School
Sing to:"Happiness Hotel" from "The Great Muppet Caper"
Oh there's a monster out to get you and he killed your mom and Dad
You're just a fledgling wizard and the nameless one is mad
But if your guardians are Muggles and they treat you rather cruel
Then, welcome back, to Hogwarts Wizard School.
[Spoken] Sorting Hat: Hey, what house you planning to be in
Harry: What are my choices?
Sorting Hat: A) Hufflepuff, b) Ravenclaw c) Gryffindor d) Slytherin.
Harry: I'll take "c."
Sorting Hat: Very popular choice.
You've got two good friends beside you, but its gonna be a job
Cause the potion master hates you and ol Malfoy is a snob
Though the portrait changed the password and the janitors a fool
Well, welcome back, to Hogwarts Wizard School.
[Spoken] Harry: Y'know, I may be mistaken but the bellhops look like trolls
Fred Weasley: You should see the chambermaids!
Welcome back (welcome back),
Welcome back (welcome back),
The willow has a temper and there is no swimming pool
Okay, the place is filled with secrets, and the owls make a mess
And the only way to get here is an invisible Express
Still the nurse is always helpful if you lose a magic duel
Then, welcome back, to Hogwarts Wizard School.
[Spoken] Harry: [to Resident Ghosts]: You ghosts live here?
Nearly Headless Nick: Yeah, but only since my head came nearly off, so that means we've been here this time...what?...five hundred years?
Moaning Myrtle: Well, like, okay, y'know, I mean, like, okay, things are really gonna break as soon as we get our new dark arts professor!
Harry: What's wrong with the groundskeeper, he seems a little crazed.
Floyd: Oh, he's just upset about the runaway Cerebus.
Hagrid: Fluffy, Fluffy!
You've got a broom (got a broom)
And there's quidditch (there's quidditch)
Just watch out for the bludgers and then try to grab the snitch
You got every kind of lesson,
You got every kind of spell,
But the faculty are masters, and they teach you very well
Though you've always been with Muggles, like your Dad you broke the rules
You'll fit right in at Hogwarts Wizard School
I'll fit right in at Hogwarts Wizard School!!