The Poo Wanted Ads
By Jason Arthurs
Pets
For Sale: Doberman Pincher. Comes with food, leash, and chunk of the mailman's butt. call 555-1372
Free to good Home: Alien tapeworm from Uranus. 555-8643
Free: Unwanted John Tesh. 555-7634
For Sale: A dryad from the Fairy Queen. 1-800- the-fary
One Dead Chihuahua $35 555-5468
Please take my Michael Jackson: He's purebread. (At least he used to be). Very good with kids. Not afraid to grab croch in public 5� 555-6748
Dead Guy Shepherd: $132 555-6224
Unidentified thing from the closet: $13 or best offer (555) 555-8574
Miscelaneous
Are you looking for a few good men? So are we? Tell us if you find any. The Army SUCKS! 555-YMCA
Wanted: Autographed dead guy 555-3473
For Sale: Old Stuff 555-6923
Good Deal: Guide to Proctology book 555-7629
My name is Michael
Lots of good furniture, Big screen TV's, slightly used computers, 100 dollars each!!! Unless you're Bill Gates, then it will cost you at least $65,000,000,000 555-2169
Baby Crap: $5.00 555-6784
Nice business suit. Only worn once. Has bullet 3 or 4 bullet holes in them. You can barely see the blood stains on it. Only �120!!! 555-6787
Wanted: Airhead people named Buffy (batteries not included). FREE TENNIS RACKET WITH EVERY PURCHASE!! Cocaino Cola Industries 555-coke
Free Poo: You Haul 555 9153
Help Wanted
Peepsi Cola looking for metals to recycle in our pop. 555-pepsi
Buttfinger candy looking for people who are constipated. 555-butt
Your local nuclear power plant has merged with Cherio's cereal and are looking for new members. Bennifits include extra pay for extra food for your extra mouths and extra arms for extra assignments. NO PHONE CALLS!!
Poopie Industries looking for small boys who sing like girls. Michael Jackson will NOT be accepted. 552-555-7239
Poo Productions wanting any thing that's dead We don't have a phone.
Poo Productions looking for interns MUST BE A CHICK! Same qualifications as the White House.
For a good time call Joanie 555-3437
Meetings
The Kegger's Klub will also be having it's meeting at 7 PM at the 4-H building.
T&A will have it's daily meeting at the Mayor's house this week. Member's are expected to behave "Properly" during this week's meeting with this week's guest is Cameron Diaz.
[Home, not so sweet home]
� 1997 [email protected]
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