The Search For The Gold Plated Yak King
By Christin Verkaik
"THE SEARCH FOR THE GOLD PLATED YAK KING" is a Poo Production � Copyright 2000
This book is dedicated to those who have died trying to reach the promise land known as "Wallawinkisien"
Written By: Christin Verkaik
Foreword By: Jason Arthurs
Absolutely Nothing At All By: Brandon Gloom
Mentioning For No Reason: Kenny Paul
FOREWORD
By Jason Arthurs
Greetings, fellow idiots. My name is Jason Arthurs. I run Poo Productions (We own you). I would like to take a moment to recognize this young woman's talent. (That's right! A talented female, VERY RARE. But women still suck). Well, this book is an exciting romance novel about the forbidden love between a Republican zombie and the President of the United States of America, Bill Clinton. In tale of romance and the living dead, the president must choose between his job and his undead love. He loves the zombie, but his love has also eaten the brains of half the country's population. He must choose between his country and sex life. This book, one in a series of thirty-eight, proves that love conquers all, even if it means the death of half of the Untied States. A true classic that will live in our hearts forever. A New York Times Best Seller, this 72 page thriller is a must-read.
Chapter 1
The Beginning of the Stuff To Follow
Once upon a time there were three children playing in a nuclear waste plant. There was a boy named Steevy, who was mature yet unpredictable. A girl named Lizzy who was an adventurer but down-to-earth. A girl named Kristen ( Who was the brains of the banana boat ) who was witty but blonde,fun yet very, very, strange. And then suddenly a legless dog came to them in a orange grimlon (80's Car ), and he said " Hello Kiddos!, I know a place where your wildest bagel dreams could come true and all your credit records made new! ". And you could hear the children discussing the matter saying " Just think of all the loans we could get approved! And all those bagels! " And you could hear Steevy saying to himself "Variety! All the Variety!". So it was agreed that they go to this magical place. So they asked the legless dog for directions and the name of this mysterious place,and the dog said "Go to Nebraska, then turn left. And the place you are seeking is called 'Wallawinkisien'." And so they thanked the legless dog and ran home to pack their bags, and in their bags they put: A stick, a square of green carpet, a Lucky Bill Gates foot, and a tax receipt ( Just in case this place does taxes too ). They were set,excited, and unknowing about the journey which is about to take place. So they bought three bus tickets to Nebraska, and they were off. As soon as they got to Nebraska they remembered to turn left, and left they turned. Until they saw a big sign pointed to a narrow path which leads to a purple mountain. As they were walking they spotted an oreo tree, but little did they know that the oreo tree was protected by the oreo god ANTHONY OF BA-BA, and as they were picking these rich , golden,juicy, oreos, ANTHONY OF BA-BA came out of his motor home and started cursing them. They were petrified! Not because of the evil cursing but because ANTHONY OF BA-BA was completely naked!!! After ANTHONY OF BA-BA realized he was in his birthday suit he grabbed his wife's robe and started chasing them. But of course they out-ran him. So they were continuing their journey when suddenly Nigel the Wicked Witch of the West started chasing them on his broomstick and barking a them at the same time! They were petrified! Not because of the evil barking,but because Nigel was completely naked!!! So they remembered that they have a lucky Bill Gates Foot so they grabbed it, and sang to it, and crested it's sweet toe-nails, and the witch became a bottle of Vodka. So Kristen grabbed it and drank it and said "That was some good Vodka/Nigel. So after Kristen became sober, they continued their walking.
Chapter 2
Lizzy gets restless
After miles, and miles, they decided to take a nap. But after their little escapade with the sandman,they were hungry. And hungry they were. Luckily, they still had the oreos. But unfortunately, the oreos had become diseased with nemonia. So Lizzy started to become restless (And believe me, you don't want to see Lizzy restless). She started foaming at the mouth and screaming out her social security number. But fear not, they still had their feet, so they stepped on Lizzy's toes until she was unconscious. But they couldn't leave her in the wild jungles of Nebraska, so they dragged her the rest of the way until she gained consciousness. But after three minutes of Lizzy's stupid jokes and ridiculous come-backs, they decided to step-her-toes-unconsiouss again. Kristen and Steevy smiling, Lizzy drooling on herself. As the two were walking (And Lizzy was getting dragged) they came to a bridge, a bridge called "DEATH" they were a little -uneasy- on the topic,but *luckily* they still had Lizzy. So as soon as Lizzy regained consciousness again,they made her cross first. And the bridge was safe. Until Lizzy got attacked by a bear on the other side. And the first words that came out of Steevy's mouth were: "Oh my Gosh! You killed Kenny! I mean Lizzy!" But don't fret dear children, Lizzy wasn't dead. Darn. I MEAN HOORAY!!! Those squirrel hunting lessons sure paid off. (For Lizzy that is). Lizzy strangled the poor bear, and the Animal Rights People came to her in a wooden viper (Gasoline cars pollute Mother Earth) and spit on Lizzy, and kicked her in the face, and threw their hacky-sacks at her! "How brutal!" Steevy said. But luckily Lizzy's lawyer was also President Clinton's lawyer (So she got off the hook no matter what she did!) But that is a different story. As they were walking (And walking they were) a pony stopped them and asked them if they had any change, Steevy hated ponies! One time a pony bit off his favorite finger! (So now we call him nine-fingered Steevy.) Steevy was raging with anger! And with anger he was raging! Steevy grabbed the square off green carpet and beat the pony with all his might! "How brutal!" Kristen said. They tried stopping him, but it was too late. The pony had severe rug burns all over his body. And the Animal Rights People came to Steevy, and spit on him, and kicked him in the face, etc etc etc. So after all that had happened in the last ten minutes, they'd realized that you should never, ever cross a bridge,or have spare change, or cut your hair. Pity, they learned those valuable lessons the HARD way. So they continued walking.
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:
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