ITEM
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EXPERT COMMENTARY
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| 100. You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality. |
Yeah, mainly with non-Delaware
Valleyans who don't know a good (or bad) cheesesteak if it hits 'em in
the face. |
| 99. When it snows more than an inch, you call it a blizzard. |
I'm a meteorologist-in-training... no way. Now THIS is a
blizzard... note the 33 inches in Worcester... yeah I was on a
Greyhound (the bus, not the dog) heading back to school and it took 21
hours to go from Mt. Laurel to Worcester. Good times...
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| 98. Your neighbor's house was forclosed after an unlucky
night in Atlantic City. |
Moorestown people are way too rich to blow that much money in
one night.
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| 97. You know someone named Siprasiut Xayapachan. |
Huh? Is that out of Star Wars or something?
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| 96. You've actually found the Echelon Mall. |
OK it's not THAT bad.
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| 95. Your uncle is in the mafia. |
Yeah the Swedish mob. They throw Swedish meatballs at
you.
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| 94. You have Lyme Disease. |
Trying to avoid that. Don't think I could keep up my
daily routine if I had Lyme Disease.
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| 93. You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners
elsewhere in the country. |
YES. We were just discussing this on Sunday around noon
at the Pan-Queen Diner in Pennsauken. Most people had brunch-type
food (including scrapple-
GROSS), but I had a buffalo chicken wrap. You can get ANYTHING at
a diner at ANY TIME. Eat 'n Park, Denny's... if you think that's
good late-night eating, you just don't know.
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| 92. You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at
least 15 of them. |
Yo. Way more than 15 though. I could probably go
over 100 if I really tried.
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| 91. You think a mountain is any landform taller than your
house. |
Not any more since I moved out here, but I will admit that
small hills used to seem a lot more imposing than they do now.
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| 90. You know what became of the 13th Leeds child, and claim
to have seen him one time while peeing in the woods. |
Had to cheat on this one: Leeds child.
I HAVE peed in the woods, but then again, who hasn't?
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| 89. You stay away from Getty and BP, and stick with Mobil and
Gulf. |
Not big on Gulf. Mobil and Texaco are good... then
Exxon, then Sunoco.
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| 88. You know what a "shoe-bie" is and can pick one out at the
beach. |
Yo, deriving from the Philly area folks who used to take
their lunch to the beach in a shoebox, thus enjoying the beach and
putting no money into the local economy. People don't bring
shoeboxes to the beach any more, but you definitely can tell the people
who aren't the beach types (talking loudly, kicking sad up from their
sandals, blasting their radio)
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| 87. One time you were driving in the woods and got stuck in
sand. |
Don't take the Sebring off-roading too frequently.
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| 86. You have an EZ Pass, but you just hold it up. |
Nah I have my own. What's wrong w/sticking it to the
windshield???
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| 85. You live next to an inpenetrable swamp. |
Does Strawbridge Lakes count?
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| 84. You go to Delaware to buy smokes. |
Oh you bet. Actually I just load up on Skoal out here
in Central PA, buddy!
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| 83. Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you
still go to the Berlin Farmers Market for cheap stuff. |
No Wal-Mart in Moorestown, only a BJ's (snicker snicker).
Berlin Farmers Market is cool, but a little too far out of the
way for my liking.
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| 82. Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of
African-Americans and racist rednecks. |
No, just a co-existence of rich whites, blacks, Indians,
Asians...
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| 81. To you, "gravel" means orange dirt. |
WTF??? Gravel = little rocks. Orange dirt =
orange dirt.
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| 80. You love hockey, and have been to a Flyers or Devils
game. |
Yeah I've been to a Flyers VERSUS Devils game. Flyers
won 7-2 and Lindros beat Scott Stevens' ass. Seriously, has the
maker of this list seen a map of New Jersey? Does he KNOW that
the Devils are NOT in South Jersey (yeah neither are the Flyers but
we're a lot closer to Philly, and the local sports market is Philly
teams).
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| 79. You know that you should get the hell out of Camden
before dark. |
Yeah unless you're on Federal Street, going to or from one of
the "safe-for-white-suburbanites" attractions like the aquarium,
RiverSharks baseball, or E-Center.
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| 78. You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy. |
ALL of them??? I don't think there's a finite list.
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| 77. Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and
May. |
Happens everywhere.
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| 76. You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite. |
Blah blah blah. See other list.
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| 75. You can smell and know when it's low tide. |
Dude if I can smell the tide there's a big problem.
Like a Category Five hurricane hitting Atlantic City.
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| 74. F-16s buzz your house at like 150 feet. |
Yeah, Moorestown is a war zone.
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| 73. You remember the bad gypsy moth years. |
No I don't.
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| 72. The Eagles/Giants rivalry has started fights at your
school and/or local bar. |
Nobody likes the Giants. BOO GIANTS
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| 71. You eat at restaurants that have locations I, II, III,
IV, and V. |
Yeah, usually pizza and/or hoagie places are like that.
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| 70. You get excited when you see Chopper 6, and you can hum
the Action News song. |
I can hum the Action News song right now.
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| 69. You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about
the beverage. |
Huh? I don't get it... OHHHH. I wonder if this
was made #69 intentionally.
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| 68. Honesty, sincerity, and courtesy are things you once saw
happen in Ohio. |
I don't like Ohio either. Those "nice" things are
overrated, anyway.
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| 67. You know that you don't put ketchup on boardwalk fries. |
Yeah I prefer my Geno's fries w/o ketchup as well.
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| 66. You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle. |
Yo, but that doesn't mean I think they're a good idea.
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| 65. You get three 50's in a row when you play skeeball. |
I HAVE, but not very often. Not good at Skee any more
:-(
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| 64. You live in Cape May, but you still won't take the ferry
because it's too expensive and crowded. |
Explain to me how the list is "Signs you're from South
Jersey", and then this one says "You live in Cape May". Does that
mean if I don't live in Cape May, I'm not from South Jersey???
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| 63. You think the Olive Garden is a bunch of crap and should
not open restaurants in South Jersey. |
Don't
get me started...
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| 62. You've hung out at a gravel pit. |
Obviously I have nothing better to do than hang out at an
orange dirt pit.
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| 61. You worked at a blueberry farm when you were 13. |
No my parents didn't put me to work til I was 15 or 16.
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| 60. You played soccer from Kindergarten through high school. |
Stopped in 5th grade... I was more the basketball/swimming
type.
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| 59. You've counted the number of titty bars on the Black
Horse Pike. |
Not as many as there used to be... they cleaned up the area
just because of the damn Republican National Convention. Too bad
the Democrats weren't coming instead... we like our nudie bars!
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| 58. You always went to the Franklin Institute when you were a
kid. |
Yeah school trips and with friends and family. The
Please Touch Museum was a blast too. I remember I had to play in
a basketball game instead of go there w/some friends for a birthday,
and I was PISSED.
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| 57. You've run out of money on the Parkway. |
EZ-PASS to the rescue!
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| 56. You know what "cedar water" is. |
You bet... BOO Cedar water
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| 55. Your middle school hangout was the mall. |
Not really... Steve's house, or Woodbine during the summer.
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| 54. You have an unusable, piece-of-sh*t boat in your front
yard. |
Wish I had a boat. Unusable boat wouldn't help though.
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| 53. You once skipped school and went to Wildwood. |
Wildwood is an over-commercialized dump. I never
skipped school to go to the beach but if I did, it wouldn't be to
Wildwood.
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| 52. You're Italian. |
Damn, the blonde hair, blue eyes, and hairless back must've
clued you in.
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| 51. You know where to get the best bagel. |
Don't know about the BEST, but I know many places to get GOOD
bagels, and that's enough for me.
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| 50. You've called someone an "asshole" to their face at the
Philly airport. |
No, just behind their back. I try not to provoke
confrontations.
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| 49. Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local
paper. |
Why, what's he up to nowadays?
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| 48. You say "water" weird. |
No but Andy does.
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| 47. You have pine trees, holly trees, and mountain laurel in
your yard. |
Not really a tree expert. Besides, my parents just
moved so I don't know what kind of trees they have in their "yard".
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| 46. You had a sandbox. |
The one at Woodbine was enough for me. I remember there
were just certain days when we were younger when we'd be in the sandbox
from right after practice (around 10:00) until late afternoon when our
parents picked us up. We'd always get in trouble for trying to
take water out of the junior pool to use in the moats.
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| 45. Even your school made good Italian subs. |
HOAGIES. We've been over this...
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| 44. You've almost fallen asleep on the Expressway. |
Did you know that's illegal
now??? I don't know how they'd enforce that, unless you actually
fall asleep and drive off the road or into somebody.
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| 43. You've rented a house in Stone Harbor before. |
Nope, only Ocean City, three times. Gotta love the
place that was less than a block from the beach and cost $475... for a
week in MID-AUGUST. You can probably guess how spacious and posh
that place was. |
| 42. You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires,
but have never seen a tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano. |
Well I went through Gloria, although the only REAL hurricane
I was in was September in North Carolina (ISABEL!) Nor-easters -
all the time. Fires - once we had smoldering ashes in the
chimney. Tornado - hopefully someday. Earthquake - felt one
when I was laying outside on a Thundertube, taking a break from
sledding. Tsunami - get real, this is the east coast.
Volcano - ditto. |
| 41. You can point to the two closest nuclear plants. |
Limerick
and Oyster Creek? |
| 40. You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights. |
Seriously. Why don't they just go to Camden? |
| 39. You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner
Bros. creation. |
Der. Of course.
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| 38. You packed up the family on a Sunday and went to Cowtown
Rodeo. |
Isn't that a buddy kind of thing to do there?
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| 37. You never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. |
Yo. Especially when I lived in Cherry Hill...
Moorestown isn't as Jewish.
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| 36. You once shot a whiporwhill on a summer night at 3
A.M. |
Why would I do that? I think I'm usually in bed at 3
A.M., and if I'm not, I'm certainly not out shooting things, no matter
how annoying they may be.
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| 35. You take day trips to New York City. |
Yeah... occasionally, but usually to Philly. And a day
is about as long as I'd ever want to spend in New York.
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| 34. The mafia runs half the businesses in your town. |
Nah, not Moorestown. I could think of some towns where
that was true, though.
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| 33. You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law. |
In Ocean City they did. See other list for related
comments.
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| 32. In the woods behind your house, you can find couches,
washing machines, and shoes. |
Hey we're not white trash, all right?!?!?
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| 31. You don't have to go to red lobster to get fresh
seafood. |
Who DOES??? Not that I like seafood or anything, but
come on. Red Lobster is to seafood what Chi-Chi's is to Mexican
food.
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| 30. You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year. |
I'm not a big parade type of guy, with me being straight and
all.
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| 29. You know how to pronouce "Buena" on Route 40. |
Yeah, it's "BYOO-nuh". Not "BWYA-nah", like the Spanish
word.
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| 28. You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato
chips, and Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer. |
NOBODY bakes a cake as tasty as a Tastycake. Herr's are
good, and anything the Dutch make (outside of scrapple) is usually
quite good.
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| 27. You know the Atlantic City High School marching band can
lay down some phat beats. |
Why, are they like the movie "Drumline" or something?
All I know about ACHS is that we whooped on 'em any time we swam
them, and their high school is ugly.
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| 26. You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular
in South Jersey if the 76ers and the Nets didn't blow." |
Nets = North Jersey. The Sixers don't blow any more,
they're at least ABOVE average.
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| 25. You watch Evening Magazine. |
Oy vey. Is that crap even on any more?
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| 24. You remember when Rowan was Glassboro State and TCNJ was
Trenton State. |
BOO ROWAN
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| 23. You remember Channel 48, Boss 97, Eagle 106, and Harvey
in the Morning. |
All except for Channel 48. What is that???
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| 22. You know New Years is all about the Mummers and the Polar
Bear club. |
No way dude. It's about college football. Mummers
sucks, but I like the idea of the Polar Bear club. Polar bears
are cool animals.
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| 21. You smoke Parliament Lights. |
Enough with the smoking.
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| 20. You go to the local Fire Department barbeque in June. |
Moorestown F.D. never did a barbeque. Occasionally
they'd make the rounds with their fire trucks to get money, and every
Christmas, Santa rides around various Moorestown neighborhoods on a
fire truck.
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| 19. Down the road, in the middle of nowhere, is an Egyptian
restaurant and a custard stand with a minature golf course. |
Everything except the Egyptian restaurant.
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| 18. You know what custard is in South Jersey. |
Yeah, definitely better than normal ice cream, especially
when you go to a custard stand.
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| 17. You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring!) |
Yo. Playdrome.
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| 16. In high school, you worked at a Friendly's. |
Nope, just ate at 'em. Apparently some people order
Reeses Penises sundaes when they go to Friendly's.
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| 15. Route 206 doesn't freak you out at night. |
Nah, I'm a good driver. If driving in hurricanes
doesn't freak me out, nothing will.
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| 14. Because your town was founded before 1776, all the
restaurants, taverns, and shops have "ye", "olde", and "colonial" in
their names. |
I really don't remember when Moorestown was founded. I
know there was stuff there before 1776, I just don't know if it was
incorporated before the Revolutionary War.
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| 13. One time, a sea gull shit all over your head. |
Yeah but that was in Venice, Italy.
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| 12. You talk to the guy at the dump. |
I don't go to the dump. And people shouldn't talk when
they're taking a dump.
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| 11. You once said, "It smells like Philadelphia in
here." |
WRONG. Philadelphia doesn't have a bad smell, unless
you're driving over the Platt Bridge, or, if you're Homey, you don't
like the smell of cheese in the Italian Market. I've said MANY
times that something smells like NORTH Jersey.
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| 10. You've waited for the stupid drawbridge for more than ten
minutes. |
Unfortunately yes. Stupid boats.
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| 9. You even swam in the ocean after the hypodermic needle
scare. |
Come on. I swam 10K's the last two summers. I'd
jump in the water with anything in there.
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| 8. Your mom still loves Bruce Springsteen. |
Parents are too old to like Bruce Springsteen.
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| 7. You know it can be 70 degrees in January. |
I'm well aware of that. It can also be 10 degrees in
January.
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| 6. There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road. |
Yeah by the high school. It's a good place.
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| 5. "Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to h*ll" is your
attitude. |
That's a bit harsh. I just assume they'll go out of
business soon.
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| 4. Somewhere along the line, someone really screwed you over
in a business transaction. |
Yeah, Copper Beech Townhomes.
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| 3. You often use variations of the word "f*ck" while
driving. |
Not really variations of that word. I try to mix in my
curses like "@$$hole", "$hithead", "douchebag", "idiot", "moron", etc.
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| 2. You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often. |
YO. The best word -- EVER.
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| 1. You don't take any sh*t from anybody. |
Giddy'up.
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