The Bad "You know you're from Jersey" List

Ok, here's the list, accompanied by my commentary.  This list is the "bad" list b/c it is North Jersey-centric.  If you want to make a "You know you're from NORTH Jersey" list, fine, be my guest.  But don't try to pass it off for all of New Jersey.  In my opinion, there can't be a legitimate "You know you're from Jersey" list because North Jersey and South Jersey are two seperate places.  Much of North Jersey (the northwest part is fine) is an overcrowded dump populated by wanna-be New Yorkers, and South Jersey is the greatest place on earth.  As far as I'm concerned, North Jersey should just become part of New York.  That way everyone up there would be happy, and the Giants, Jets, and Statue of Liberty would be back in the state they claim to represent.  South Jersey will become New Jersey.  As for the other New Jersey teams (Devils and Nets), they can change their hometown to New York, Newark, Exit 16W... I don't really care.  Or the best solution, both franchises would cease to exist.  All 15 Devils fans would get over their loss.

1.You've been seriously injured at Action Park (probably on the Alpine Slide). Can't say I have (after all it's in North Jersey), but in general I try to
2.You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas. Nah they're from all over.  We certainly don't say it though.
3.You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges." What a dump.  I remember Steve saying he saw a car getting stripped for parts right on the street on the way to one of his volleyball games in high school.
4.You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags." Yeah
5.You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast. I dunno... more of an english muffin kind of guy in the morning.  Not averse to a hard roll w/butter most of the time, though.
6.You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven. Nope never been there.  In my opinion, Seaside Heights is a North Jersey beach.  I know it's more central, but N. Jersey and New York people go there a lot more.  I've known the way to Ocean City since I was seven though!
7.You went to Seaside Heights for prom weekend. No I went to Steve's house and played video games the night of the prom.
8.You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am. Yes, Diamond Diner, drunk.
9.Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you. Then there must be an Italian within 3 spots of me!
10.You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery. Unless you're on the turnpike north of exit 9.  That BASF plant is the beginning of the end.
11.You have at least three people in your family who still love Springsteen. My parents are too old to like Springsteen.  Probably some aunts like him though.
12.You know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from. Sayreville... der...
13.You know what a "jug handle" is. Why, do people not know?
14.You know what a WaWa is. Dude if WaWa made it out to State College I swear I'd be the happiest person on earth.  Not only do I know what WaWa is, I go there every time I'm home.
15.You know that the state isn't all farmland. So people think it's all oil refineries and all farmland?  How does that work?  (by the way, I don't know ANYONE who associates New Jersey with farmland)
16.You know that there are no "beaches" in New Jersey - there's "The Shore." Truth... but it's not capitalized.
17.You know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway." Who the crap calls it that?
18.You know that a "Piney" isn't a tree. More the Jersey version of a buddy.
19.Your school cafeteria actually made very good Italian subs. HOAGIES.  Brought dad-made bagged lunch.
20.You call them "subs" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagy" or a "hero." Maybe the worst entry in the list.  First of all - it's HOAGIE.  Submarine sandwich is idiotic, I agree.  But hero is fine if you're from New York, and if you're from the Philly area, you SHOULD say hoagie.  SUBS is what everyone says... the word doesn't have much personality.
21.You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials. Palisades Park = North Jersey = irrelevant
22.You're related to someone who thinks the New York Jets should be called the New Jersey Jets. No way dude.  All their fans are NY'ers or NY-wanna'bes anyway.
23.You know how to properly negotiate a circle. Yeah but not a rotary or roundabout.
24.You knew that the last question had to do with driving. What else would it mean?  Negotiate a circle?  Econ/geometry?
25.You've been a Yankees fan all your life. WTF??? BOOOOOOOOOOO
YANKEES, BOOOOOOOOOO

26.You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros.creation. Never really associated the two, but yes I've known Acme supermarkets as long as I've lived... Pathmark too.
27.You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (it just doesn't work)). Good Point
28.You know New York City as "The City" BOOOOOOOOOO again: yes Vick, "The City" = Philadelphia
29.You know that a "White Castle" is the name of both a fast food chain and a fast food sandwich. Yeah and I know they're both God-awful.
30.You know where to get a freshly cooked tailor ham egg and cheese sandwich at 2 am. How about WaWa - they'll make me one won't they?
31.In the 80's you wore your hair really high. No but I did have ponytail-length hair in high school.
32.You don't think "What exit" is very funny. Don't really care.  I live 5 minutes from exit 4 after all.
33.You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22. Probably North Jersey, so no
34.You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different." Yeah and people from 973 smell funny.  What's wrong w/609?  I remember how pissed off I was when we went to 856 from 609.  Then it took like 2 days to adjust... really not as big a deal as I made it out to be.
35.You know that no respectable New Jerseyian goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters. What??  I know that no DUMB New Jerseyan (it's not Jerseyian--think about it) goes there.  It's a good school... what's the problem?
36.The Jets-Giants game, Knicks/Nets game, and Rangers/Devils game have started fights at your school or local bar. Ugh.  Go away.
37.You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls. Moorestown, Cherry Hill, Burlington, Echelon, probably can get to Deptford if I really haul ass.  Only good one is Cherry Hill though.
38.You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town. Yeah like those days when it's clear as a bell, my house is 400 stories high, and I'm looking thru a super-high powered telescope.  BLAH
39.You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers. Well they don't have names do they?
40.Every year, you had at least two kids in your class named Tony. Most likely, it's a common name.
41.You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall. The only way I'd end up AT the Willowbrook Mall
42.You've eaten a Boardwalk cheese steak with vinegar fries. Vinegar fries sound nasty.  I'll eat a cheesesteak in the Philly area.  This includes Ocean City boardwalk, but not Seaside Heights.
43.You have a favorite Atlantic City casino. Caesar's, b/c I won $185 playing video poker my first time gambling and it paid for my week's rent at the shore house.  Also Tropicana casino is cool.  Did you know they have a tic-tac-toe playing chicken???
44.You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February. Not really, but then again currently I'm in the middle of nowhere, PA
45.You know that "youse" is not a synonym for utilize but for y'all. According to Vicki: or "you's guys"
46.You've never pumped your own gas, and you like it that way. Der... when we went to Massachusetts to visit family, both Andy and I wanted to pump the gas.  I don't get pissed either way, though.
47.You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in th country. Yeah seriously.  Eat-'n-Park and Denny's don't count.
48.Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May. This happens everywhere.  Deal.
49.You know what skeeball is and you can get three 50's in a row. I used to be able to... now I blow.  Vicki has Skee in her basement and it gives me fits.  WHY CAN'T I MAKE 100s???
50.You've run out of money on the Parkway. Never drove that long on the parkway to run out of money.  Get EZpass anyway.
51.You're Italian. Can't you tell by the blonde hair, blue eyes and hairless back?
52.You know where to get the best bagel. Not too picky about them... "Hot Bagels" in Cherry Hill is a good place though.  I don't have favorites, but I know when they're bad (i.e. dining hall bagels - way too doughy)
53.Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper. What an arrogant turd.  How can you be so rich and have such a bad hairdo?
54.Even your school made good Italian subs. Same thing as #19.  Way to go.  IT IS Hoagies.
55.You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano. Actually felt an earthquake back in high school when I was laying on a sled recovering from climbing up a hill.  Thought it was just the sled shifting but it actually was a small earthquake.  Didn't SEE the earthquake, however.  Did see a volcano science experiment.
56.You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights. I can't believe MTV used to play music.
57.You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law. No, but they did in Ocean City.  One of the people who rented us a place was more concerned about getting fined for not recycling than she was about a bunch of 19-21 year old boys partying too loudly.
58.You used to ponder, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in New Jersey if the Nets didn't blow" Last I checked, the Nets were actually good.  NBA stinks, though.
59.You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)! Playdrome's open that late... at least on weekends.  Not a big fan of disco bowling or whatever that is.  Too hard to get a good score.
60. In high school, you worked at a Friendly's. Lifeguarded!  Went there a lot.  Peppermint stick ice cream was awesome when they had it though.
61.Route 18 doesn't freak you out at night. Huh?  Where is that?
62.You have the most ghetto license out of all of your out-of-state friends. Louisiana's is a complete joke, I think.  It's like a piece of paper that says "I am 21"
63.You don't have to go to red lobster to get fresh seafood. When I go to Red Lobster, I eat mozzarella sticks and chicken sticks.
64.There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road. Yeah the one near Moorestown High School
65.You don't take any sh*t from anybody. Yeah but that's b/c of who I am, not b/c of being from Jersey
66.You drive fast and aggressively, and you can't stand those slow out-of-state drivers. I can't stand slow IN-state drivers either.  Especially the 90 year old ones in the left lane.
67.You've gone to the race track with twenty different daily double bets from twenty different people. Huh?  I didn't say I had a gambling PROBLEM.
68.You know that there are bakeries which are not part of a supermarket, but actual individual stores. Wait some people don't know this?
69.One time, a sea gull crapped on your head. No, but a pigeon pooped on my arm in Trafalgar Square, London.  Oh and an unidentified bird on my head in Venice, Italy.
70.You've planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin' Donuts. If a trip to the shore is local... then yes.  Gotta have some munchkins!
71.You watched "Mallrats" and said "I've been to that mall!" Vicki:  "Yeah except that mallrats was filmed in Minnesota.  Don't you people read IMDB?"
72.At least half the people you knew in high school went to Rutgers. Not at all.  Lots went to "Big Cids College" though.
73.You know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. Unfortunately I'm not privy to such information.
74.You long for the days when the Devils wore Christmas colors. BOO Devils
I long for the days when the Devils didn't win Stanley Cups.
75.You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy. Yeah too many to name... but I could EAT all the flavors
76.You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite. More of an Acme/Pathmark guy, but I've BEEN to Shop-Rite
77.You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey. Vicki chronicled some of my comments on this issue:
"it's such lousy prepackaged generic 'italian' food"
"i refuse to eat mediocre (bad) italian food"
"then the stupid olive garden commercials... oy vey"
"like some guy from italy would ever eat there... if you took your italian cousin or grandpa or whoever, they'd throw the d*mn food on the floor"
78.You say "water" weird. (Wadder, Cawfee, Dowg, wadever) I think Andy says "wooder".  Cawfee is N. Jersey, just like calling the thing in a dresser a "draw"
79.You've waited for the drawbridge for more than 20 damn minutes. "The" drawbridge?  I've waited at drawbridges for more than 20 mins.  I wonder what happened that weekend in Belmar when the drawbridge got stuck in the up position.
80.You know what a "benny" is and can pick one out at the beach. It's the N. Jersey version of a shoe-bie.  Basically, a non-beach type who acts really obnoxious and contributes nothing to the local economy or atmosphere when he/she visits the beach.


                                    

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