What Does THAT Mean?I recently bought something mechanical or electrical (I forget which) and I read the enclosed paperwork quite carefully. What does 'limited lifetime warranty' mean? Does it mean that I'll get a replacement if I don't live too long? Does it mean that whatever I bought will wear out in time, but until then, it's guaranteed? Beats me! (I don't bother with the small print.) "Good until worn out," is printed quite boldly on a two-section silver polishing cloth I own. I can't be exactly when that lovely household essential would have become simply a soft rag and a rouged rag because I got worn out first and disposed of the family silver! I know what 'will fit mattresses up to 20" high' means on a set of sheets, though. It means that one will sleep on wrinkles if one's mattress is only 8.5" high. I don't own a forklift to lift a 20" high mattress nor do I own one of those nice set of steps to enable me to ascend onto my bed. (I must admit that I often feel like a princess sleeping with a pea under the mattress.)
Not to worry, however. Most sleep-time wrinkles on human skin go away after a while, not like those on this Shar-pei! Recently I acquired a dandy clock/radio for a bedside table. It has an alarmingly bright blue light that I aimed toward a dark hall and Voila! I had a night light. The instructions said nicely "Please do not play with the DST/ST button." Does switching at semi-annual time changes twice a year count? Actually, I believe that's a polite Oriental way of trying to intimidate me.
What do the following phrases: minimal, some, easy, minor, adult, and finishing followed by the words "assembly required" mean? If they are printed on the outside of a box, they mean you have to exert muscle power over an extended and irritating length of time to put something together! Why not just label the box "Parts?"
I have empathy for and sympathize with parents who have physically or mentally challenged children, but isn't "Slow Children" politically incorrect these days? Get rid of those signs, please. "Restrict Speed Children Ahead" makes more sense to me.
I carry 2 lighters, 2 ball point pens, and two pencils when I leave home. Invariably, one or more will give up the ghost when I need it most. I'm used to appliances giving up the ghost one day beyond the length of the factory warranties. Thank goodness human beings don't have a 'Use By' date! I'm not ready to be recycled yet! I have too more mysteries to solve. Some day I shall understand why a good product suddenly becomes "New" or "Improved." Does that mean it wasn't very good in the first place?
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