"CAN WE START THE MAP OVER?"


       A long time ago, the federal government decided that the United States map would look nicer if the newly-admitted states had nice straight borders. No more wobbly lines on maps like West Virginia and funny little projections like the Florida panhandle. No siree! Alas, only Wyoming and Colorado are perfect.

        Indiana was, therefore, given three nice straight sides. Unfortunately, the Ohio River spoiled a perfect rectangle, but the powers- that-be did not at that time have the ability to channel rivers to their liking.


       In later years, the government decided that Indiana really did deserve a bit of Lake Michigan shore line. So they shaved 10 miles off the southern border of Michigan and gave the land to Indiana! Ohio also got a dab. They did this in the certain knowledge that in the future off-shore gambling casinos would want to operate in Indiana. (Michiganders fussed so much about losing land that Congress gave Michigan the Upper Penninsula to shut them up!)


       Hoosiers can now gamble in northern Indiana on a big cement ship that really floats. It cruised 6 feet every two hours in a canal , reversed engines, and docked by the parking lot. A captain and full crew made sure that the regular Coast Guard inspections were passed with flying colors. This is the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. In an admirable display of cunning, the Indiana General Assembly recently decided that the floating casino could remain docked in exchange for more revenue from the ship. Voila! More income! Fewer seasick gamblers.


       The local Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise now stands on the former Michigan/Indiana state line. How confusing! Kentucky. Michigan. Indiana. ( I often wonder whether they use Idaho potatoes.)

        I do believe that the total area of the continental United States should be divided equally among the states. Texas can spare a lot and Rhode Island needs more, for example. I personally would prefer a bit of Arizona and a bit of Wisconsin to be added to Indiana. What is your pleasure?


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