POOCH SAYS

      Some days just get started off on the wrong foot! Take today, for example! ("You take it, I don't want it!' Yes, Henny Youngman said that first but he knew where I was coming from.)

      If you are right-handed, start off with your right foot, not the left. BTW, did you realize that right-handed people put on their left sock and left shoe before the right? (I digress. On with my story.)

      My printer was chugging away famously when the dratted red light started blinking and a BIG window appeared telling me I'd run out of paper. O.K. I don't sweat the small stuff.

      I leaned over to add paper and I knocked over my coffee mug. Time out to grab a towel and mop up the mess and dispose of sodden printed pages. Back to square one.

      Fresh supply of paper was finally added and I was ready to roll! Hold the presses! I don't want to continue what was in the printing 'queue' because the previous printed pages are sopping wet. Naturally, I'd forgotten how to stop the printing progress so I had to read the directions. An eternity later (like 15 minutes), I was able to click here and click there and hope for the best.

      Now I'm once again back to square one. Here we go, finally. Oops! Paper incorrectly loaded my computer tells me. I am getting peeved at my fool printer. Reload paper! Obviously I've done a better job the second time so I'm on the starting line once again.

      Alack, alas. Now I can't continue printing because my color cartridge just ran out of ink! No problemo! I have a brand new one just waiting to be called into service. Small stuff again so no sweat.

      Hmmm... my ink company must have changed generic suppliers. I never had to poke holes in openings before, but I'm game to try. Poke, poke, poke. "Epson Printer does not recognize this cartridge." (Of course, it doesn't, you dummy! I have an el cheapo cartridge.) Remove cartridge, poke deeper holes, reinsert. My blasted printer is still unhappy!

      Remove damn cartridge, turn it over and poke deeper holes in the bottom! Reinsert. (By this time I have dribbled printer ink on my hands, but it will wear off in time.)

      Voila! My printer is happy. I am happy that the &#*@^%! thing is finally functioning but I can't stand the sight of it now so I'm giving up my project, which by this time I've totally lost interest in and the web pages have gone into internet Valhalla.

      Oh, well. That'll give me time to clean up my computer desk because sugared coffee is sticky even after it's been mopped up!