POOCH SAYS
IN PRAISE OF MAYONNAISE
The lowly 'mayo' has no equal when it comes to multiple uses! A mayo sandwich with a little tuna or sliced hard-boiled egg added makes a dandy meal. French fries dipped in mayo are more tasty than those dunked in catsup and don't forget that some pickle relish and a squirt of lemon juice turn mayo into tartar sauce. I would be a millionaire if I could come up with a catchy name, a special fragrance, and a fancy bottle in which to sell mayonnaise! It conditions hair, makes a good facial, strengthens finger nails, and removes dead skin from elbows and feet. Are you aware that an overnight coating of mayonnaise will kill head lice? Suffocates the little buggers and the nits are combed out the next morning after a thorough shampoo!
That egg emulsion will remove road tar or pine sap from automobiles and nothing can beat a good coat of mayo in removing bumper stickers. Eats right through the glue and doesn't harm a thing. How 'bout that! Little ones with crayons gone wild on a hardwood floor? Coat with mayo, let set a bit, wipe off with a damp rag. Hint: throw away the crayons. Mayonnaise patted on a severe sun burn will help relieve pain and provide needed moisture to the skin. Leftover mayo on one's fingers can wiped off on house plant leaves as polish.
I am circulating a petition to force grocery stores to move the hated 'salad dressing' far, far away from the real thing - MAYONNAISE. Shoppers should not be allowed to grab the wrong jar! Mayo is good stuff however you look at it. Upright, downright delicious. (Just don't come to my picnics wearing mayonnaise because you'll attract ants and bees and tree and plant pollen will cling like a second skin.)
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