| 1. Do not wipe your feet on the soggy mat(s) inside the door. You will pick up more water than you deposit and will surely slip on the tile beyond the mats.
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2. Choose the vegetables closest to you. Leaning over and into the vegetable area seems to turn on the misting system automatically and you will have a bad hair day.
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3. Skip the meat department if the paper towel roll is empty. You may have blood on your hands for the next half an hour.
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4. Choose buns at the bottom of the stack. Someone has the job of squeezing buns to see if they are fresh. You do not want dents in your buns. (Or perhaps you do!)
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5. Avoid rounding corners quickly. Shoppers get testy when you collide. Tell them to stop to gossip in front of the fresh fish counter because the Maytag Man is there and he's always lonely.
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6. Avoid solitary men with paper in their hands. They have no idea where they are and do not look where they are going.
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7.Acknowledge little urchins riding shotgun on mom's cart. Sensitive ones will begin crying if ignored and you will be fingered as a child hater.
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8. Do not be afraid to get down on your hands and knees to reach the last of the "on sale" can of tomatoes. Sooner or later an employee will come along and help you to your feet.
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9. Graciously allow the 10-year old pushing a loaded cart to take your place in the check-out line. He is anxious and will ram the cart into your Achilles tendon if you insist on being ahead of him.
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10. Avoid giving dirty looks to the kid with the souped-up SUV who almost runs you down as he whips into the handicapped parking spot. (His parents were never able to display a bumper sticker saying they had a honor student in their home.)
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11. Eat in restaurants. This eliminates the agitation of grocery shopping completely. |