POOCH SAYS

      Having reached a certain degree of maturity, I decided to draw up a balance sheet of my personal good, bad, and ugly! My 'goods' far outweigh my 'bad's and 'uglies,' so I'll begin with a list of things that I find good.

      Babies, kittens, and puppies are good for a smile, even on dark days and a phone call from a friend brightens any day.

      The computer is a 'good,' since I can talk to cyber friends, share laughs, buy online, check my bank balance, and pay my bills automatically. Surfing eBay is now my effortless 'window shopping.'

      (Having the checkbook balance occasionally is more than a good. It's a 'wonderful' because it happens so rarely. In fact, I sometimes have to take a vacation to let my checkbook cool off!)

      Decent health, enough money to pay my bills, friends to confide in and family to help if the going gets tough are blessings beyond compare.

      I have a list of things that are bad and I regret that I cannot move them onto the 'Good' ledger.

      The 'bad' column includes child molesters, people who mistreat animals, loss of dear friends, and people who 'work' the welfare system. (Don't get me started on the rest of this category, please!)

      My 'Ugly' list contains ethnic cleansing, terrorists, incurable diseases, homeless people, liars, litterbugs, and people who cheat at golf.

      Would anyone like to help in my campaign to remove plastic squeeze bottles (catsup, mustard, mayo, horseradish sauce, etc.) from my ugly list? I always end up using a knife to get the last possible bit from the bottle and the insides go "plop" and serve too much, anyway! If you forget to shake well, you end up with the water that has risen to the top. I say let's return to glass containers.

      My 'Good' list continues to grow as my patience expands but loud motorcycles will forever remain on my 'Ugly' list!

      Sorry, but I must run. Since my checkbook won't balance, I'll fire up my Honda Goldwing 1800 and roar off to the golf course where I know the places I can cheat! ("Oh, but my ball was not out-of-bounds when I hit it!")