'T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (down and dirty)
by Eric
All the elves were bitching, and they just wouldn't stop.
Oh sure, they only bitched to each other, not the big guy.
They'd been with him too long, so why leave now? Why?
"I'm tired of making toys for each good little kid -"
Why not reward children for naughty they did?"
"Do you mean like pulling hair or lying?" was one elf's question.
Punish pulling hair? They all laughed at this suggestion.
"No, no, no!" the lead elf insisted.
"What if...What if WE reward our own bad acts by things like being fisted?"
Fisting seemed too painful, but that got them all thinking...
Hmmm...Well, if we're uninhibited enough, and if we've all been drinking...
They abandoned the idea to punish the tykes.
Punish ourselves, in ways that each elf likes!
They'd have to go shopping and doing various tasks -
Buying whips, chains, stocks, gags, and black leather masks.
They'd have to hide the list from "The Big Red Guy".
"But wait!" one elf thought, "we leave him out...Why?"
"Yeah!" the all shouted "The bastard's unfair!
"Sure he drives the sleigh, but otherwise he just sits there!"
They plotted and schemed for hours and hours.
Truly these elves weren't innocent flowers.
They bought every item to please every whim.
There was no fetish untouched, no matter how dim.
"I can't wait to try this all out!" one elf cackled -
And soon he'd be the one to be shackled.
Cuffs and gags were applied, paddles given a whack.
(But hurriedly too, as soon he'd be back)
The elves had their fun by the time Santa'd returned
And each elf had a lesson they'd learned.
New fetishes found, friends made in...new ways.
After all, it's the season of joy (or that's what it says).
"So, fine young men all in my employ,
Are you ready to spend cheer to every girl and boy?"
They all nodded and snickered under their breaths,
Still fearful if found out, it'd mean all their deaths.
But Santa said nothing (much to their relief).
Instead he just displayed his "man beef".
Santa did and said little more, he just undid his pants.
"Come get it now kids, it's your last chance -
Last chance for you, my good little elves.
Final lick before Christmas...DIG IN, HELP YOURSELVES!"
So there it is kids, it's not like you hear -
This is what the workshop's REALLY like 364 days a year!