REASONS FOR GAY MEN TO SLEEP WITH A DANISH BOY
I HASTEN TO ADD THAT THE FOLLOWING MOTIVATIONS HAVE BEEN ARRIVED AT ONLY AFTER THREE YEARS OF INTENSE SCIENTIFIC STUDY WITH ONE VERY WILLING SUBJECT, AND ARE, NEEDLESS TO SAY, PRONE TO INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES IN RESULTS. THE STAFF OF 'PONYBOYS' ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR PAIN AND/OR PLEASURE THAT MAY RESULT FROM EFFORTS TO FOLLOW THESE SUGGESTIONS AND METHODS...
1. Coming as he does from a Scandinavian country, he would know how to keep warm in a snow-swept, nearly arctic environment. Should he be fortunate enough to match up with a Canadian, serious toastiness is in the offing, because Canucks, as all my readers know (many from personal experience), have eleven months of snow and one month of really difficult skiing on their environmental platter.
2. Since Danish sandwiches are small, and thus have tiny meat, the odds are he will not be a size queen, which, let us be realistic, fellows, IS a consideration for the vast majority of male mortals on Earth. Most of us are not hung like, er, ponies, and those of us who are may sacrifice brain tissue in order to be that way...
3. In an S/M context, especially if he is suitably muzzled, one can always claim that the reason one did not react promptly to the safeword and remove the titclamps and/or chicken at once was that one did not understand him, due to his bizarre, pseudo-Germanic pronunciation of it (the Boyfriend wishes to go on record as not finding this very funny; however, the ball-gag makes it difficult for him to speak up for himself ;o) ).
4. If, like your friendly editor, you have a distinct aversion to disco music, you can be assured that, due to the fact that 'Barbie Girl' was a hit in Scandinavia a year before it reached North America, he is as sick of and reluctant to listen to Aqua as you are - so you may be able to avoid having it as the soundtrack to your feather-down frolicking (though one is not entirely certain that, oh, King Diamond is a suitable alternative (even if Satan DOES have the best tunes)).
5. It has been my experience, based on experimentation/close examination/the evidence of three senses (touch, sight, taste), that the feet/dick ratio DOES hold true for Copenhagen cocksuckers. This may seem to contradict my earlier point about size queens, but I never claimed to have no tendencies towards that MYSELF...
6. There do seem to be an unusually large number of tall fellows in Denmark, which certainly makes you feel safe when you're walking down the street with one. It's like having a Great Dane on a leash with you...but perhaps I am revealing too much here... :)
7. They've got cute little tummies that make a nice soft pillow, or somewhere to rest your head in an entirely different bed-time-related context... :)
8. Even their snore is scientifically demonstrated to be cute and soothing.
9. They seem exceptionally loyal, and possessed of odd taste in men (though your super-snuggly editor is in no way complaining about this failing.).
I ENCOURAGE MY READERS TO GO OUT AND FIND A DANE OF THEIR OWN; HOWEVER, IF HE'S 6'7", WITH SHORT BROWN HAIR AND GLASSES, INCLINED TO WEARING LONG GREEN T-SHIRTS AND BLUE JEANS, AND CARRYING A TERRY PRATCHETT NOVEL...BACK OFF, BITCH! HE'S MINE!!