Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ian always has Elijah over for breakfast on Sunday morning,
but Sean isn't comfortable with Elijah knowing that he slept over
Saturday night. Will Elijah's charm be enough to pacify him?
Ian combed long fingers through his hair and smiled at himself in the mirror. There was color in his cheeks and a twinkle in his eye, though he didn�t need his reflection to tell him so. Gradually, over the last few days, as something unwound in his chest that he hadn�t even realized was tight, there had been a steady, growing warmth to replace the constriction. It wasn�t love, or even infatuation; this sensation lacked all of the urgency and desperation of either emotion. He would have been worried to find himself too quickly engulfed, to find that too much of his happiness had been pinned on something as uncertain as his limited knowledge of Sean and Sean�s feelings. Instead, he felt only calm and readiness. No, it wasn�t love; it was possibility.
Drying his hands briefly on a towel hanging beside the door, Ian padded back into the bedroom to find Sean sprawled beneath the bedspread and stretching languidly, his hands clasped above his head. The big man blinked and frowned, his bleary green eyes beginning to clear.
�What�re you dressed up for?� Ian glanced down at himself absently as dexterous fingers guided the pearly button on his right shirt cuff through its buttonhole. Tugging his left cuff briskly, he buttoned it and swatted at a piece of lint.
�I only look dressed up because you aren�t dressed at all.� Ignoring Ian�s wryly pleasant smile, Sean sat up and rubbed aimlessly at his short, tousled hair, his frown deepening. He brushed the back of a big hand over his mouth and mumbled, his voice husky with sleep,
�No, really. Where are you going?� Ian raised a quizzical brow at the intent expression on Sean�s face and sat gingerly on the corner of the bed, careful to maintain eye contact though he wasn�t sure what was happening behind that hazy, troubled gaze.
�I�m not going anywhere. I�m having Elijah for breakfast. I always have Elijah for breakfast on Sundays.� He couldn�t help smiling faintly as he spoke; it really was impossible not to adore Elijah. The smile cracked and fell away almost as quickly as it was formed, though, at the distinctly panic-stricken grimace that spread over Sean�s face. Frowning uncertainly, he was forced to raise his leg and tuck himself closer to the edge of the bed as the big man scrambled past him, heading toward the heap of their clothes on the floor as soon as his feet touched down.
�When were you planning on telling me?� The pitch of Sean�s voice rose uncharacteristically in his agitation as he struggled hastily into his briefs and set himself to disentangling his jeans from Ian�s sweater. The older man crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap as he watched, his thick brows knitting together. He could feel the beginnings of indignation rising in his throat like bile, but he forced himself to swallow it down and avoid jumping to conclusions.
�I wasn�t, because you knew,� he murmured calmly, incapable of keeping a prickly iciness from insinuating itself into his tone. Sean glanced up at Ian with nervous exasperation, his big chest heaving as he fumbled to zip and button his jeans.
�You weren�t even going to remind me? Christ, Ian! How long do I have?� His eyes narrowing, Ian shifted on the bed. He had the distinct impression that they were heading inexorably toward a crash and it was all he could do to remain in the moment, to remind himself that it hadn�t happened yet and that he had no right to be angry or hurt until it did. Inhaling deeply, he willed his voice into neutrality and asked,
�How long do you have for what, Sean?� As Ian watched, the big man wrestled himself into his rumpled t-shirt and cast a brief, hurried glance toward the clock on the bedside table before beginning to tug his socks on.
�To go; to get out before he gets here. When is he supposed to get here?� The older man felt something heavy drop from his chest into his stomach. This had all been a mistake, and a foolish one at that. He had expected to be angry; indeed, his subconscious had been practicing at telling Sean off since he�d first gotten an inkling of what the issue was. Instead, his pleasant anticipation of breakfast with Elijah was smothered by a kind of self-deprecating disappointment. He had known better, after all. Wincing at the memory of his earlier cheerfulness, Ian looked aimlessly at the clock.
�About ten minutes, unless he decides that punctuality is even less important than usual.� His thin attempt at levity didn�t even amuse himself. Pushing slowly up from the bed and folding his arms across his chest, he watched the big man�s fingers trip over each other in their haste to tie the laces of his sneakers. �You realize, of course, that if you leave now, under these circumstances, I can�t welcome you back again.�
�What?� Sean had frozen where he knelt, and it was several seconds before he raised his head to look at the older man. His eyes were wide with a different kind of panic now, but his overt agitation had completely disappeared. With a soft but labored exhalation, Ian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and middle finger.
�I have been more than forthcoming with you about my limitations. I refuse to hide you in my closet every time someone drops by like we�re in some sort of ridiculous French farce. You led me to believe that you understood that.� Had he meant to sound so detached, so clinical? Was he shutting down? Rising slowly to his feet, Sean swallowed thickly and made a sweeping, desperate gesture.
�I know, Ian, I know� but it�s just� it�s too soon. I didn�t know it would be so soon.� Ian let his eyelids flutter open. Part of him had already given up and the rest was well on its way to following suit. Why was he so reluctant to fight for this thing that had had him smiling and glowing only a few minutes before? Was he that afraid of investing enough of himself to be truly hurt when it ended? His expression tightening, he looked at Sean.
�What do you think Elijah is going to do if he finds you here? Point and laugh? Call your mother?� It seemed absurd to even have to dignify Sean�s position by pointing out its flaws. Ian had named his conditions from the start; whether Sean liked them or not he couldn�t very well say he hadn�t known what they were, or that he hadn�t implicitly agreed to them. Thick brows scrunched over fiery green eyes as the big man regarded him with obvious frustration.
�He�ll /know/, that�s what. And beyond that, he�ll tell every one of those bloody hobbits and by dinnertime tomorrow the whole cast will know. After that it�ll be a field day for everybody and you know it.� Sean scowled and tugged at his shirt, glancing around blankly. The older man pursed his lips to keep a sarcastic rejoinder from breaching them. Swallowing slowly, he watched the man before him fidget and shift his stance listlessly and he looked deeply into himself for the compassion and understanding that everyone was always telling him was there.
�You know as well as I do that Elijah is not going to do that. If it really worried you that much, you could just ask him not to mention it. I�m sure he would understand.� Encouraged by how calm his voice sounded, Ian began to relax. The situation was far from being within his complete control, but at least he would be able to say that he had faced it with grace and maturity. Sean�s jaw muscles clenched and he seemed to be searching for the ammunition with which to shoot down Ian�s suggestion when a knock at the door, muffled by having to first pass through the empty living room, broke the silence. Sean shot the older man a warning look, but the threat fell limply to the floor between them. Elijah was at the door; what was Sean going to do? Climb out through the window? Giving the big man a short once-over, Ian turned toward the doorway.
Under normal circumstances, when Elijah arrived Ian would have been merrily tossing eggs and vegetables on the stove, would have called to him that the door was open. Now, though, he hadn�t even started breakfast, and as he turned the doorknob, the thought briefly occurred to him to whirl his guest around and drag him out to a restaurant. Sean could do what he liked then. When he was greeted by Elijah�s broad, open smile and guilelessly twinkling blue eyes, though, Ian knew that Sean�s concerns were unfounded and to bow to them would be to lose a part of himself that he had fought too hard to gain.
�You�re looking well this morning. Did the boys forget to invite you on last night�s romp?� It was with welcome surprise that Ian found he actually felt most of the affection and joviality that he affected. Moving aside, he let the playfully scoffing boy cross the threshold and closed the door behind him. Stuffing his hands in the pockets of a pair of baggy olive green shorts, Elijah rolled his eyes.
�I thought I'd try something new� you know, like being awake and alive for one of our breakfasts. No, actually, they all swore they were busy doing nothing very interesting. I think they�re planning a surprise party for my birthday. I�m sure you wouldn�t know anything about /that/, now would y�� The last syllable died on Elijah�s lips as his eyes flitted toward something just over Ian�s right shoulder. The older man turned to follow his gaze and reached its point of interest just as the bedroom door clicked shut. Exhaling, he turned back to wince apologetically at Elijah.
�As you can see, I have a guest. I don�t know whether he�ll be coming out or not. He�s feeling a bit shy at the moment.� The younger man�s eyes widened and he cocked his head mischievously, waggling his delicate brows.
�A bedroom guest!� Rolling his eyes, Ian tried to look as patronizing as he could with a smirk tugging undeniably at his lips.
�Indeed.� Elijah�s smooth features crinkled thoughtfully, then, and the older man could see the wheels turning. Shaking his head hastily, he said, �Don�t try to puzzle it out. To start, you won�t be able to, and to finish, I don�t think he�d appreciate it.� The curiosity in the young man�s expression turned to concern and confusion as he aimed warm blue eyes up at Ian.
�He�s not shy, he�s hiding from me, isn�t he?� Ian sighed, suddenly feeling very tired as he ran a hand through his hair and watched Elijah lean over to peer at the bedroom door again. When the young man looked back at him, the best he could manage was a defeated shrug. Taking a few hesitant steps toward the door, Elijah murmured over his shoulder, still frowning, �Why is he hiding from me? Do I know him? Have you got Craig in there? What does he think I�m going to do, bite him?� Wincing, Ian followed his guest and resisted the urge to take hold of his arm to restrain him. He didn�t honestly think Elijah would stomp over and throw open the door, but who could tell?
�He thinks you�ll tell someone, yes, no and I�m sure it hasn�t occurred to him that you might.� That confused frown was pointed at him again.
�He thinks I�ll tell someone? If I know him, how could he think that?� Ian exhaled and raised his empty hands helplessly; he was suddenly uncomfortably aware of the fact that their voices were likely to carry into the bedroom from where they were standing. Glancing down at his hands when they took to wringing themselves slowly, without his permission, he pursed his lips and made a decision.
�Listen, I haven�t cooked anything, and this situation is probably best left alone for the time being. Why don�t we go and see if we can�t find a cozy little caf� that�s still serving breakfast, hmm?� Fully realizing how brittle the accompanying pleasant smile was, Ian turned away from Elijah and shuffled toward the sofa to retrieve his jacket from the arm. He wasn�t giving up a part of himself. He was avoiding a scene. Quentin Crisp would certainly have approved. Well, wouldn�t he? Threading his arms into the sleeves of his jacket, Ian turned to see that Elijah had one fist pressed fretfully to his lips.
�You want to just� leave him here?� The young man made a limp gesture toward the bedroom door. Ian flashed a brief, half-hearted smile as he patted mindlessly at his pockets until he felt the familiar bulge of a pack of cigarettes. Its presence was oddly reassuring.
�That was the plan.� Elijah frowned more deeply and Ian found it impossible not to mimic that expression, as though his young guest were pulling marionette strings attached to his face.
�But �� Elijah�s mouth remained open as a sound from the direction of the bedroom drew their joint attention. Sean leaned against the doorframe there, scratching uncomfortably at his chest, and Elijah�s mouth did not close. A contortion of shock froze itself onto his face for a few seconds as he glanced between the two older men. Quickly regaining most of his composure, he chuckled shakily, throwing Sean a stiff nod of acknowledgement. �Um, Sean. Hey.� The big man returned his nod and then offered them each an uncomfortable, almost petulant expression before his gaze settled firmly on Ian.
�You�re going out for breakfast?� By its tone, it might hardly have been considered a question at all if Ian hadn�t known that a response of some kind was necessary.
�Yes.� Drawing himself up straight, the older man nodded once, calmly.
�Am I invited?� After what appeared to be a short internal struggle, the petulance disappeared and was replaced by something that suspiciously resembled shyness, perhaps even regret. Relief stole in and Ian could suddenly breathe more easily, though he hadn�t realized until then that he�d been having any difficulty. He made brief eye contact with Elijah, whose sweet expression and almost imperceptible nod gave him permission to answer.
�Yes, of course.� Hesitantly, Sean leaned away from the doorframe and stepped fully into the room. The three men stood looking at each other uncertainly, no one seeming willing to make the first move toward the door. After a thoughtful glance at the floor, Elijah raised his head to beam a cheeky grin at his new breakfast companions.
�Shotgun!� he said.
�I can keep my mouth shut,� Elijah mumbled, glancing sideways at Sean as he stuffed fully half of a buttered roll into his mouth. Cradling his coffee cup gingerly, Ian enjoyed the way it warmed his hands and tried to trust his weekly breakfast guest to put his new lover at ease. The booth was comfortable enough, if not especially spacious, and he found himself relaxing in spite of his misgivings. Long lashes fluttered at him from across the table as Elijah winked, taking another moment to swallow before continuing. �Just ask Ian. I still haven�t told anybody about his�� Catching on quickly, Ian affected a disapproving frown and shook his head, though he couldn�t keep the sparkle from his eye. Elijah snickered contentedly and waggled his brows, once again concerning himself with his breakfast. Sean shifted and managed a weak smile before he looked across the table to make eye contact with Ian. There was such a complexity of emotion in the depths of those green eyes that the older man found himself straightening attentively in his seat. When Sean opened his mouth to speak, though, it wasn�t to Ian; it was to Elijah.
�I�m sorry I was such a git earlier. I didn�t mean any offense.� The young man dragged his gaze up from his plate with some reluctance and frowned.
�So you did know it was me. I dunno what you thought, Sean, but I�m not going to go blabbing.� Elijah�s expression was soft and earnest and he managed just the barest hint of a smile at the big man�s uncertain nod. �Really. I know all sorts of things about Ian that I haven�t told anyone. Ask him.� Their gazes shifted toward Ian, who cocked his head and nodded obligingly. The older man couldn�t help grinning faintly at a memory of having fallen asleep tangled � but fully clothed � on his living room sofa with Craig one Saturday night. When Elijah had arrived in the morning, he had mistaken Ian�s muffled, /�Coming!�/ for his usual crisp, clear, /�Come in!�/. Though he and Craig had not been in a terribly compromising position, neither had heard even a whisper about the incident from anyone else since then.
�Yes, it�s certainly true, though it occurs to me that we ought to start having breakfast on Wednesday mornings instead. You learn far too much about my love life this way.� Elijah rolled his eyes and made quickly for his glass of water, obviously intent on washing down the food in his mouth so that his reply could pass through uninhibited. A snappy comeback would not be so snappy if everyone had to wait five minutes for the deliverer to swallow his food first. In the meantime, Ian frowned slightly at the sensation of being tapped lightly on the outside of his foot. Resisting the urge to glance down and knowing that the table would obscure his view if he did, the older man wrote it off as an accident and sipped contentedly at his coffee. In another moment, though, he felt an answering tap on the inside of his foot, and this time his reactionary frown was deeper. If he concentrated, he could just make out a gentle pressure squeezing his foot. Instinctively, he looked up at Sean. The big man�s expression was absolutely neutral, but his eyes twinkled with shy affection and Ian felt his chest warm.
�Geez, Ian, you make it sound like there�s something to learn!� The older man�s eyes flitted with indignant amusement toward Elijah, who was pointing at him with a crusty fork. /Impeccable timing, that one./ �I mean, you�ve got all these impressionable young men fawning all over you� /�Teach me the ways of the world, Ian!�/ and the best you can do is fall asleep with people on couches in all your clothes.� Waggling the fork meaningfully, Elijah tutted loudly with his tongue and shook his head. Sean�s answering snicker lightened the older man�s heart further.
�That�s been more than enough out of you, this morning, whelp. And, I think I have proven that I am capable of doing more than falling asleep on couches in all of my clothes.� Ian folded his arms haughtily and raised his chin while at the same time discreetly using his right toe to tap fondly at one of the feet that had trapped his left between them.
�Senile old bat.� With a mischievous grin, Elijah leaned one forearm on the table and turned toward Sean. �It�s his word against mine. Looks like you�re the tie-breaker.� Ian sat forward quickly, his thick brows crinkling. The young man was usually not so insensitive.
�Elijah!� A foot tapped his reassuringly and Ian glanced over at Sean to see him holding up a hand and shaking his head.
��Sok, Ian. You lose, �Lij. Sorry,� the big man grunted wryly, folding his arms over his chest and settling back into his seat. Ian couldn�t help flashing Sean a discreet, grateful smile when he noticed that his new lover looked comfortable for the first time since he�d sprawled, naked and stretching, under the soft, thick comforter on the older man�s bed. Seemingly oblivious, Elijah tapped the tines of his fork against his lips thoughtfully.
�Ah, well. Can�t win �em all. So� which one of you guys knows what they�re planning for my birthday?�
