Title: Weirdly ever after


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Author’s Notes: Look! Over there! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a comprehensive disclaimer and notes over in Chapter I, pt. i. Here you'll just find Hammond problem solving as only Hammond can.

Chapter III: The "Mini-We" in Team
Pt. iii of iii (so far) in this chapter (rated PG, again, though, ripe with potential for violence)

“Well, Jack, I think you understand the situation. We need you back on this. I’m recalling you.” Hammond motioned for him to have a seat. Given the situation, Jack thought it safer to stand. Hammond had a few years on him, but Jack had a feeling that a bit of righteous anger might just give his superior the necessary wheels to catch him and beat him down.

“Sir,” Jack began. “There’s a problem with this whole . . . me being recalled to active duty . . . again . . . thing.”

“I know you were counting on getting up to Minnesota for some quality down time with your team, Jack,” the General said with a smile, “But surely you see that no one but SG-1 can take this particular task on. You know I wouldn’t ask if there was any other way.”

“I do, General, and I appreciate you concern for my . . . fish. But . . .” he broke off as the General began to rifle through his desk in a most uncharacteristic way. “General? Am I interrupting you?” He asked with considerably more snark than he’d dared since being beamed down into the SGC.

“Not at all, Colonel. Continue.” Hammond waved his hand in Jack’s direction as he finally came up with the file folder he seemed to have been searching for. He slapped it down on his desk with satisfaction and folded his hands over it, returning his complete attention to O’Neill. “Another problem?”

“Yeah. Well . . . you see . . . my retirement. Second retirement. Brief as it’s been. Has . . . changed some things, Sir. SG-1 is . . . in the past, and there’s really no going . . .”

Hammond assumed a stony look and interrupted “Are you referring to your personal relationship with Major Carter, Colonel?”

“Sir, you’ve got to let me fin . . .” Jack broke in impatiently, desperate to meet his fate as soon as possible. As his brain caught up with Hammond’s words, he stopped dead. “What?”

“I asked if you were referring to the fact that your relationship with Major Carter has progressed beyond one appropriate to a commanding officer and one of his subordinates.” Hammond’s face was expressionless. In his panicked state, Jack took this as a marked improvement over murderous.

“I . . . sir? Yes, sir. Inappropriate. I’m sorry, sir.” At that, Jack did finally collapse into a chair opposite Hammond’s desk.

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for, Jack,” Hammond said kindly, “I’m aware of the situation, and while this is not ideal, it’s within my power to deal with the issue to some extent, particularly given the unique nature of these circumstances.” He pushed the folder across the desk to Jack.

“You’re aware?” Jack repeated, blindly taking the proffered file and opening it on his lap.

A sly smile appeared on Hammond’s face, “Yes, Colonel. I tied in the venue pool.”

“Venue pool!” Jack tried to inject indignance into his tone, but he was too strangely relieved to manage it. Still unable to meet Hammond’s eye, he shuffled through the papers on his lap, only half comprehending until the words “Lieutenant Colonel” caught his eye. “These are Carter’s promotion papers!” He exclaimed.

“Yes, they are. And they’re likely long overdue.” Hammond replied with pride. “For the current mission, this’ll serve to reduce the inequality between your ranks. That’s obviously only half the problem regarding regulations, but with my recommendation, it should be sufficient for the time being.”

Jack remained silent, engrossed in the papers.

“More importantly, this promotion will position Major Carter to take command of SG-1 when you resume your retirement. I can make the case that, given the nature and importance of this mission, overlapping the current and future commanding officers of the unit is best practice.” Hammond waved his hand as if he were used to moving heaven, earth, and the air force on a daily basis. “I trust that the two of you will conduct yourselves in such a way that you do not compromise the mission or the safety or morale of your team.”

Jack grinned widely, “Damned straight, sir!” His grin gave way to a look of abject fear as he pushed the folder violently back toward his CO. “You can’t, sir. No way.”

“Excuse me, Colonel?” Hammond’s beneficent expression faded.

“You can’t . . . if she . . . She’ll kill me, sir.” Jack sputtered.

“I don’t understand, Colonel.” Hammond regarded O’Neill with a perplexed look.

“It’s the timing, sir. If she thinks . . .” Jack groped for the right words, “If she believes that this promotion is because we . . . because I . . . let her beat me at dodgeball, she’s going to be . . . well, miffed.”

“Dodgeball?” Hammond asked, mystified.

Jack shook his head and held a hand up warningly.

Hammond spared him a scowl and continued, “Jack, I’ve had this in the works for a long time. Since before Dr. Jackson left.”

Jack looked flabbergasted, “Then why?”

“I was holding it in reserve. I figured it was only a matter of time before something had to give and one of you asked for her transfer.” Hammond smiled a bit.

“Sir, Carter still . . .” Jack began.

“Let me finish Colonel.” Hammond’s mouth twisted in a frown and he looked decidedly uncomfortable, “I didn’t volunteer it, because . . . well I’d like to say that I was trying to avoid the appearance of favoritism, or that I had her best interests at heart and knew she’d be in for a lot of heat for another promotion so soon.” He met Jack’s eye, “But the truth is, I hated to break up my best team and that’s not fair on Sam.”

Hammond slapped his palms on his desk and stood, “Well, Colonel, if that’s all the deep, dark secrets for one day, then it just remains for me to wish the two of you the best and pass on Jacob’s warning that you’re a dead man if you do anything to hurt her. “

“JACOB KNOWS?” Jack’s voice shot up an octave.

Hammond nodded, “He also tied for the venue pool. Said you were old-fashioned that way. Now we’d best join the others in the briefing room.”

Jack stood. “There’s just one more thing I need to say, sir.”

Hammond sighed, “Yes, Colonel?”

“Last night was the beginning for us.” A puzzled frown crossed Jack’s face, “Barring . . . alien viruses, time loops, alternate universe versions of ourselves, off-world memory wipes . . . that sort of thing.” Jack tried out a nervous smile and rejected it, “Anyway, sir, we never . . . voluntarily . . . abused your faith in us. Just wanted you to know that.”

Hammond chuckled and walked around his desk to slap Jack on the shoulder, just a touch too hard. “I know that son. I lost the timeframe pool.”

TBC. I know where I'm going next, I just need some time to write. I promise it'll be soon! Don't leave me!