Title: The Feast of St. Rabbit Totem

Author: Polly Lynn

Email: [email protected], Feedback! Make my day!

Status: Ficlet, complete

Category: SJR, Humor

Spoilers: Brief Candle, Divide & Conquer, Point of View (general references to the doomed love lives of our merry band)

Season/Sequel Info: Unimportant, set at least after D&C, but season is not really relevant.

Rating: PG, if that. Smoochies, minor language, and veiled threats of violence directed Daniel-ward as is right and proper.

Author’s notes: Didn’t intend to write this at all but I’ve been feeling schmoopy since finally watching Death Knell. It’s Valentine’s Day and SG-1 is feeling cranky about it.

Archive: http://www.geocities.com/polly_lynnxx/Strabbit.html, Anyone else who wants it is welcome, but please e-mail me so that I may bask in the undeserved flattery.

Disclaimer: These folks are owned by those far more talented than I who rightfully make a profit from telling their stories week after week. I am merely borrowing them for Valentine's Day.


The Feast of St. Rabbit Totem


Jack poked the fire savagely with a long branch, enjoying the angry popping of the red sparks that shot into the air with each jab.

“Will setting us all on fire help?” Daniel asked as he sat heavily on a log across the fire from O’Neill.

“Can’t really hurt, can it?” Jack grumbled. “It’s not your watch, Daniel, go back to sleep.”

“Yeah. Sleep,” Daniel said dubiously, glancing over his shoulder toward the village. The sounds of laughter and music drifted lazily through the unseasonably warm air. Well, unseasonable for Earth. Unseasonable for all their missions lately. Probably normal for PX0-0214, which seemed idyllic in virtually every way.

Jack shrugged and resumed abusing the fire. “This place bugs me,” he said after a few minutes

“Bugs you?” Daniel said absently. “How can it bug you? It’s beautiful. Warm. Green. Attractive people. It’s practically perfect.”

“Yeah, I know. That bugs me,” Jack snapped a twig off his branch and hurled it into the fire.

Daniel opened his mouth to argue with him, then closed it. Truth be told, the place made him uneasy, too. That’s why he wasn’t sleeping and, more importantly, why he wasn’t in the village, jumping at the chance to observe indigenous celebrations first hand, “It is . . . an irritating sort of perfection, isn’t it?” he admitted at last.

Jack nodded, “I mean . . . we’re what . . . about a bajillion light years from home . . .”

“Bajillion?” Carter asked as she crawled through a tent flap to join them by the fire.

“Bajillion,” Jack repeated, “Stop me if I’m getting too technical for you Carter,” he said, a touch of unusual bitterness underlying the jibe. Sam gave him a pained smile and he continued, “A bajillion light years from home and we find the only other planet where they celebrate Valentine’s Day,” Jack dropped his branch and hunched forward, his hands dangling loosely between his knees.

“It is not the feast of Saint Valentine that the villagers honor, O’Neill, it is that of a totemic rabbit representing fidelity and fertility,” Teal’c corrected him as he sat opposite Sam, completing their circle.

“Thank you, Teal’c. What was I thinking?” Jack said with a roll of his eyes. Daniel hid a smile as Teal’c nodded graciously.

As the group lapsed into an uncharacteristically uncomfortable silence, Sam glanced toward the village, admiring the warm colors that flicked over the huts in the distance as the celebrants danced around a roaring bonfire. The scene was warm, inviting, and romantic. It was also really pissing her off. She glanced back toward their own small campfire. It seemed to burn angrily, casting a harsh light over her and the rest of the team and giving off a foul-smelling smoke that made her eyes tear up. She kicked up a clump of grass and winged it into the fire.

Daniel started at the sudden sound and frowned sourly at Sam before returning to his brooding. Jack raised an eyebrow, strangely comforted that he didn’t seem to be alone in his foul mood.

“So what are you all doing up anyway?” Jack finally asked. “’s my watch. And we’ve got nicey nicey to make with the locals in the morning.”

“Sorry to bother you, sir,” Sam snapped and moved to rise.

“Sit down, Major.” Jack shot back, “Just askin’.”

Sam sat heavily back down with a sheepish look, “Sorry.” Jack waved her off without looking her way.

Daniel shrugged and slumped even further forward, his chin practically resting on his knees.

“The revelry of the feast is most distracting. I found myself unable to achieve kelnorim,” everyone’s eyes swiveled toward Teal’c, surprised by even a white lie from him.

Given the hostile atmosphere permeating the campsite the best idea obviously would have been to let it go.

Naturally, Daniel spoke up, “Come on, Teal’c! We’ve all seen you kelnorim with the SGC at Defcon 2,” he scoffed.

Teal’c shot his most intimidating glare his way, but Daniel didn’t flinch. Teal’c looked away first. “You are correct, DanielJackson. My heart is heavy and my mind uneasy. I cannot say why.”

“It’s these people,” Jack said, kicking the dirt with disgust. “They’re all so goddamned happy and nice and . . . . . . shiny.”

“Yes, it’s horrible!” Sam mocked, gesturing toward a couple strolling away from the revelers, their arms twined around one another’s waists, “All that disgusting affection!”

“Don’t give me that, Carter! This Hallmark Hell is pissing in your Cheerios just as much as it is the rest of ours.” Jack shook his finger at Sam and cut off Teal’c’s inevitable question, “It’s a metaphor, T. Means this place is making us all cranky.”

“This place?” Daniel asked, “Or the date?”

“Oh, c’mon, Daniel,” Sam laughed bitterly, “Don’t tell me you buy into this made-up holiday stuff.”

“No,” Daniel replied, glumly. “Still. It gets to you. The loneliness.”

“And the doom,” Sam nodded, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“Our battles are most arduous,” Teal’c agreed, his eyes on the fire, “And we are, all of us, without the comforts of home and family.”

“I’m so glad you all decided to keep me company,” Jack muttered.

“Oh, come on, Jack. It’s not the people, it’s not the place. It’s . . . here we are. Alone in the universe. A danger to anyone we might get close to. Not that there’s a whole lot of chances for that . . .”

“We all knew the drill when we signed on, Daniel,” Jack’s words were sharp but somehow lacked conviction.

“No, I didn’t . . . actually. Just forget it. Just keep playing like you don’t get it, ” Daniel muttered, adding under his breath in a snotty tone, “James T.”

Everyone froze. Sam shot Daniel a panicked look. Teal’c arched an eyebrow.

“What?” Jack barked.

“What, what?” Daniel asked with feigned innocence.

“What did you just call me, Daniel?” He demanded.

“James T., O’Neill. It is the nickname that many of the SGC personnel use for you,” Teal’c explained when it became clear that Daniel was unlikely to complete a sentence. “It refers to James T. Kirk, a character on a Tau’ri television show.”

Jack’s eyes darted from one person to the next. Daniel was biting his lip, hard, as Sam buried her face against her face against her knees.

“I know who he is Teal’c. I wanna know who’s calling me that and why?”


“It is widespread among the lower-ranking members of the SG teams as well as the security forces throughout the base.” Teal’c replied, happy, as always, to be able to provide information, “ I believe it was Doctor Fraiser who first coined the name after your experience on Argos.”

Daniel managed to choke out, “It’s only for yoooou,” in a trilling falsetto before he collapsed on to his side, shaking with laughter. A series of muffled snorts emanated from Sam’s lap as her whole body began to vibrate with suppressed laughter.

Jack’s expression grew blacker by the second, “Fraiser?!”

“You are angry, O’Neill,” Teal’c remarked, confused, “ I do not understand. Is this Kirk not a warrior of great virility, famed for his sexual conquests?”

“He’s a . . . ho!” Jack sputtered.

Sam lost it completely. She threw her head back and howled with laughter, pounding the ground next to her with her fists. Daniel began rolling about, gasping for air as Jack erupted in a string of curses.

Teal’c stood stiffly, “I fail to see either humor or cause for such abuses to be hurled at your fellow warriors, O’Neill. You are a man in the prime of life and a formidable warrior. It is natural that many woman would seek to fill your bed.”

Teal’c’s words seemed to sober Sam somewhat. She sat up and wiped her streaming eyes, her laughter subsiding into the occasional chuckle, in the face of O’Neill’s scowl.

Even Daniel seemed to compose himself for a short-lived moment. He sat up, coughing, seeming to have regained control of himself when he suddenly pursed his lips comically and breathed, “But she will have to suffer,” and he was off again, seized by a belly laugh he couldn’t control.

Jack’s glower suddenly disintegrated. He studied his boots, trying to suppress a smile. “You all suck, you know that?” He squinted at Daniel and finally gave in to the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

With relief, Sam sensed the tension that had plagued the group all day dissipating. She glanced at her wrist, “My watch, sir,” she said quietly meeting his eye with an apologetic smile.

“Yeah,” O’Neill nodded curtly.

At long last, Daniel’s laughter tapered off. “I’m sorry, Jack,” he said with a broad grin, “It’s just that . . . when you think about our ‘lives,’ such as they are it’s . . . well, what can you do but laugh?”

“Oh, I’ve got a few ideas, Daniel,” Jack replied, hefting the branch he’d been toying with earlier, his more customary crusty humor evident beneath the threat.

“On the contrary, DanielJackson, the losses we have all suffered seem to me most serious,” Teal’c replied, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah, Teal’c,” Daniel agreed, standing. He placed a hand on the bigger man’s shoulder, “It’s just that . . .sometimes . . . things are so bad, you laugh. It’s a coping mechanism.”

Teal’c nodded, digesting the information. “Tau’ri emotions are strange to me even now. I am sorry if I gave offense, O’Neill. I believe that I shall once again attempt Kelnorim.” He bowed slightly and Jack waved him off with a laugh.

Daniel’s smile turned wistful, “Yeah, sleep is sounding like a better idea now. Gotta rest up for the shiny people. Night guys. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Night,” Jack and Sam repeated in unison.


“What is a ‘ho,’ DanielJackson?” Teal’c’s question brought a smile to both their faces as it drifted back to them.

“You should sleep, too, sir,” Sam said, sorting through a small pile of brush beside her.

“Not tired,” Jack replied, eyes fixed on the fire. Something seemed to occur to him, and he moved to rise, “But I’m bothering you. I can go . . . walk or something.”

“No, no,” Sam blurted, then said more carefully, “I don’t mind company. But go walk if you like.”

“Well,”Jack drawled, reached his hands in front of him to crack his knuckles, “I was going to hit the party. Maybe pick up a babe or two,” flexed his biceps, “but I’ll stay.”

“Thank you, sir,” Sam replied with mock seriousness. They fell into a comfortable silence.

“You ok, Carter?” Jack asked hesitantly after a few minutes.

“Sure!” She said immediately, “Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well,” he began, “It’s . . . I gave Daniel a hard time, but I know he’s right. Teal’c too. It’s a hard life.”

“It’s a worthwhile life, sir,” Sam interrupted, “Like you said. I knew when I signed up. I can’t imagine it any other way.”

“Not even with less doom,” Jack asked with a sly look.

“Maybe slightly less doom,” she conceded with a smile tinged with sadness. “But maybe the doom is how I know it’s my life and not some other Sam’s.”

“I dunno, Carter,” Jack winced slightly, “The alternate universe Sams don’t seem to have had it any better. They were stuck with me for cryin’ out loud.”

“Yeah, you plus doom.” Sam laughed, then added more softly, “Poor them.”

“Poor them,” Jack repeated ducking his head.

“I think,” Sam began, then paused uncertainly.

“Big surprise there, Carter. Thinking’s kind of your schtick,” Jack glanced sidelong at her. “You think . .. ?” he prompted

“I think that’s what gets to me the most.” Sam stared into the fire, her voice almost dreamy, “It’s like those Sams finally reached up and grabbed that brass ring and . . .” her head dropped and she studied the ground between her knees, “and that’s it. Like Sam Carter being happy sets the Earth’s auto-destruct sequence.”

Jack was transfixed by her voice. He wasn’t a superstitious man. He’d thumbed his nose at the inevitable one too many times for that, and still he’d had the same thoughts a hundred times---that somehow the fate of this war hinged on their misery.

A sudden memory gripped him of soft lips against his, long, silky blond hair tangling between his fingers. He knew in a moment that the kiss had told her what she needed to know. He was not him. He felt her lips curve in a sad smile against his as she broke the kiss. He’d looked toward the mirror and seen his Sam on the other side, eyes downcast. In that moment, he’d made a promise to himself: He was not him. But someday he was going to find out what it was like to be him.

That promise galvanized Jack as he looked toward Sam who was surreptitiously trying to wipe away the tears that had risen in her eyes. He slid from his seat on the half-rotting log and crouched in front of her. She started back in uncertainty as he took her hands in his.
“I’ve gotta know, Sam,” He murmured dipping his head to meet her eyes, “I’ve gotta know if the world ends. And I don’t think I can wait any more.”

He leaned in to her, brushing his mouth lightly over hers. Sam’s lips parted in surprise, a small “Oh,” of understanding dying in the back of her throat as she unthinkingly tugged on his hands, pulling him closer. Reluctantly releasing her hands, Jack pressed a firmer kiss to his lips before steadying himself as he shifted on to his knees. Regaining his balance, he found her hands reaching to pull his face close again. He obliged, threading his fingers through her hair and tilting her head up to him, his mouth moving over her lips, cheeks, eyelids, and forehead.

“Jack,” Sam whimpered as his tongue flicked over her earlobe and his teeth nipped along her jaw.

He pulled back abruptly, his eyes suddenly shining as he grinned, “Yeah, Sam. It’s me.” He kissed her fiercely, “It’s me.”

She smiled against his lips, “Who else would you be?” She asked teasingly, stealing another kiss as he shifted his weight off his aching knees.

He moved beside her, sliding one arm around her shoulders and reaching to take her hand. “ No one. Not for the world,” he whispered in her ear.

She tilted her head upward, studying the sky. “I think that’s a no, don’t you?” She asked, turning a smile on him that made his heart skip a beat.

“You betcha,” He murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he looked upward at the sky full of stars. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sam.”