"Who did that?" yelled Verdunn into the sudden pregnant silence, "I know I have a face like a dropped pie but that is no reason to turn off the lights!"
"Are those my legs?" asked Mystra, suddenly concerned that they were glowing.
"I'm buzzing like a synchotron beam, " added the Princess Miranda, irrelevantly.
"SQUEAK!" cried an ominous chorus of er, squeaks, in the darkness.
"Oh NO!" cried Bob the Cow, "It is the Army of Ferocious Ninja Meerkats! We are possibly doomed!"
They heard a terrible slashing noise, like a sharp blade passing through the air, thick with possibility. Then there was an even more horrible gurgling noise.
"I... tell me ex-girlfriend.... gasp gurgle gurgle, sigh..." they heard the voice of the Ambassador cry.
"Ambassador! Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!" cried Handsome Rob, "I was counting on you to be my agent when I launched my international modelling career. You would have been so handy with the speaking French and all. Oh well, I guess I'll have to find someone else. A guy called Captain Pants gave me his card a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps I will give him a call."
After that, no more conversation was heard for a while as the sounds of battle grew more frenzied.
**********************************************
Meanwhile, back at the Library, the state of the Third Librarian was growing ever more hairy as the sun sunk towards the horizon. He was starting to grow a tail, and the other two Librarians (who, despite their trouty and pretty exteriors respectively, were caring types at heart) were growing considerably perturbed.
"Should we call a doctor?" Second Librarian asked First Librarian
"Nay, Nay, no bonecrunchers here, squeak!" interjected Third Librarian.
"Hmmm," mused First Librarian, "I shall consult the Display Screen of Prophecy. The crabbed figure stooped over the Screen, muttering "I have such a hangover" to herself, and waved her ancient trouty hands in front of the screen. Slowly, the mists began to clear and a figure to form...
"What's that?" asked Second Librarian
"It looks like a Sad Old Git" replied First Librarian. Just as she spoke, there was a flash of lightening, a roll of thunder, and from a puff of smoke appeared an attractive (if short) man, wearing black Levis and waving a half-drunk latte.
"I am Alan, the Sad Old Git," he announced, "why have you summoned me from the workers' strike, where we were protesting against our lattes being burnt more than 67% of the time?"
"I consulted the Magic Display Screen," explained the First Librarian, "it must have thought you had the best chance of telling us what's wrong with Third Librarian. He seems to be foaming at the mouth and getting hairier by the moment. Also his teeth have become smaller and sharper. Can you help us? Do you know what's wrong with him?"
"My children," replied Alan, the Sad Old Git, "I have stood where you are standing. Once I too walked on the dark side, and was a Librarian. But then I saw the light, and now have come to bring you into it. Your compadre has been infected with the fearful Weremeerkat Virus, and even now is transforming into the ravenous beast as the moon is rising. We must make haste!"
"Make haste to where?" asked Second Librarian, "Give me a minute. I can't go anywhere because my bicycle is here. I have an urgent research request"
"Nonsense!" said First Librarian, "you must learn to prioritise!!"
"We must take the Second Librarian to the Green Man, he is the only one who can cure him," said Alan. "I will take you there using my amazing magical powers. But first you must promise to reform, and only do good from now on."
"We'll be good," chorused the First and Second Librarians. So, using nothing more than a few hand gestures and some magic words (which I can not reveal, dear reader, lest you use them for evil instead of good), Alan made another flash of lightening etc, and the four vanished.
Moments later, the Librarians Two, the short but attractive Alan, and a ravenous were-beast re-materialised in the very cavern where our heroes were desperately fighting for their lives. The flash of lightening as they appeared illuminated a dread scene indeed. The Green Man, his Green co-faeries, and our heroes were in a desperate corner, surrounded by Ninja Meerkats drawing closer to them by the moment, and the French Ambassador lay dead on the floor.
"Questors of Destiny!" cried Alan, "I bring the Ninja Weremeerkat that was foretold in prophect!"
"Sad old git!" cried Verdunn, "Great to see you mate! Can you help us overthrow these pesky Ninja Meerkats?"
"Just get Mystra to shake his mane at them," yelled Alan, "Have you gits forgotten that it makes them fall asleep?"
"Of course!" cried Bob the Cow, hitting his head with a hoof, "What's wrong with us? How could we have forgotten something so important?" With this, Mystra shook his mane, and the meerkats all fell dazed to the ground, including the large, hairy creature that the Third Librarian had become. As the dust settled, the First Librarian turned to Alan.
"But what of Third Librarian Hubble?" she asked, "We would like to cure him of his awful affliction. He was always such a particularly metrosexual Librarian. He would hate to be all hairy and gross as he currently is, even if unconscious."
"Ah, and as for that," replied Alan, "I believe the Green Man has a prophecy about that also."
"Yes," said Verdunn, somewhat doubtfully, "We do have a prophecy about that - it suggests that Bob the Cow will somehow cure the Second Librarian... it is his destiny, for which the Dwarven Smiths forged him the sword that he might live to stand here on this day."
"So you do not know exactly how the prophecy works?" asked Alan, in worried tones.
"Nay," replied the Green Man, "For that we must consult the Wise Woman."
What will happen in our concluding chapter? Does the Wise Woman know the answer to all conundrums and have a great pair of red boots? I am willing to bet the answer is yes, but tune in soon for the final installment, containing the Frenchman's obituary, the miracle cure of the Second Librarian, and the overthrowing of Princess Miranda's Evil Stepmother.