The Remarkable Adventures of Princess Miranda and Bob the Cow

Chapter one: in which we meet Princess Miranda, a Plague of Frogs, the Wicked Step-Mother (by reputation), the Princess�s cat Ming and Bob the Cow.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful blonde Princess named Miranda.She was trapped in a tower by the sea, where she had been imprisoned by her Wicked Step-Mother. Poor Princess Miranda was only allowed out on weekends, to attend soirees in a pit of darkness and despair called the Airey�s Inlet Pub. There she was surrounded by many frogs (practically a Biblical Plague of Frogs), and despite the fact that Princess Miranda kissed many of the frogs (being a girl who had studied her faerie tales avidly as a smaller princess), not one of them ever turned into a handsome Danish Prince called Frederick � or even a less handsome, less Danish Prince. In fact, all of the frogs utterly didn�t turn into any princes at all. Every weekend after being forced to drink nasty beverages in the Airey�s Inlet Pub, the Princess would return home and ask her cat Ming what she had done to deserve the Curse of her Wicked Step-Mother.

One Wednesday, many years after she had been trapped in her lonely tower (with only her dog, parrot, horses and cats for company), the Princess was leaning out of a high tower window to dry her beautiful blonde hair, when she noticed a cow wandering below. Worried that the cow might startle her lovely cats, she yelled �Shoo� at the cow, and ran down her spiral staircase to wave a broom at it. Opening the back door, and grabbing a broom, she started to wave it at the cow, only to be surprised by the cow saying �Stop! Don�t wave that broom at me, Princess Miranda! My name is Bob, and I have come to perform the Brave and Noble Deed of rescuing you from the Plague of Frogs and the Curse of your Wicked Step-Mother.� At this speech from the cow, Princess Miranda burst out laughing.

�A ha ha ha ha ha,� she tinkled like a series of small bells, �A talking cow!� She paused to catch her lady-like breath� �Why, cows are as dull as a box of hammers! How can you expect to do a Brave and Valiant Deed??�

Bob the cow looked vaguely offended, and said �Princess Miranda, many have tried to rescue you from the Curse of the Wicked Step-Mother, such as Eliza, and Rebekka, by forcing you to attend slightly more decent soirees in Melbourne. But none have succeeded! Please allow me to try to perform the Brave and Noble Deed of freeing you from Curse and Frogs both!�. The Princess felt a bit sorry she had been rude to the cow, who after all was a Brave beast, offering to free her from the Awful Curse. �I�m sorry,� she said, �I was a little rude. I am very grateful for your offer to free me from this Awful Curse�. �A Princess can not be rude, Your Highness,� replied Bob, �You were merely startled by my clumsy interruption�. �Yes, that must be it,� mused Princess Miranda, �I am not normally so impolite.�

Go to chapter two

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