"What the hell?" exclaimed the dentist, "I've never seen anything like this in my long career as a barber-surgeon."
"ofs ong iff y eef?" mumbled Rob.
The dentist said nothing, and reached for a scary looking pair of tongs on his instrument table.
"Brace yourself!" he warned Rob, reaching into his mouth, and pulling out an entire set of teeth, gums attached and all.
""Arrrrhhhhhggghhhhh!" screamed Rob, sitting bolt upright in the chair and feeling the inside of his mouth with a finger... "oh, my teeth are still there. What's going on?"
The dentist waggled the tongs, causing the set of teeth to chatter alarmingly. "Ring any bells?" he asked
Rob thought hard. A vision started to form in the mists of his brain. He was remembering a fancy dress party, a trailer trash costume... a set of FAKE TEETH!!! Add to that a bottle of ether and some short-term memory loss, and you have a perfectly reasonable explaination of the whole accidently-wearing-bad-novelty-teeth-for-months phenomenon.
"Give me a mirror!" he cried, at which the dentist immediately handed him a mirror. He examined his real teeth with satisfaction. "Why, I'm handsome" he said, and with that he lept from the chair and raced out into the waiting room to show MB his handsome old teeth. "Look at me!" he chortled, "Look at me!!"
"But I liked your old teeth!" complained MB. Handsome Rob showed her the fake teeth and told her the whole story (skipping only a couple of details that were still a tad hazy after the whole ether thing, and which really he felt she was better off not knowing anyway. For her own peace of mind, you understand). MB still didn't seem entirely happy.
"I'll wear the bad novelty teeth for you whenever you like baby," Rob promised
"Will you wear them tonight?" asked MB
"Sure baby. Do I turn you on?" replied Rob
Fortunately before this conversation could get any more disgusting, in burst the rest of our companions, flushed with the success of their trip to the pharmacy. Mystra had been dosed up with prozac, everyone else had a free introductory acupuncture treatment and was entirely cured of the hay fever, and they had discovered an Ancient Map, which might well contain clues as to Bob the Cow's destiny, and where to find it.
Heading off in the direction of the large X marked on the Ancient Map, the heros had not walked very far when they ran into a seemingly unhappy Frenchman. He wore a beret, and a stripey top, and was in such a state that he was dragging his bagette forlornly along the ground. Princess Miranda thought he looked vaguely familiar.
"Hello," she said, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Maybe," replied the Frenchman, "I am the French ambassador to your Wicked Stepmother's court."
"The vile pretender!" exclaimed Princess Miranda, "How dare she have ambassadors! I should have ambassadors! She has no legitimate claim to the throne! Oh, I seem to have some anger about this issue... How are you, Mr Ambassador?"
"Oh, I am okay. I have been sick and my girlfriend dumped me." replied the Ambassador, in pathetic tones. Bob the Cow rolled his eyes. What with Mystra the Depressed Unicorn he did not feel they needed to add a terminally depressed French Ambassador to their ranks. The Princess, however, had other ideas - an actual Ambassador added legitimacy to her taking the throne, so she was all for him. An argument might have sprung up between our noble companions, but at that moment the French Ambassador spied the Ancient Map.
"Oh," he exclaimed, "It is a map of the Ancient French Territory of Royaume des F�es! Are you going there?"
"Yes," chorused the Companions, "We go in search of Bob the Cow's destiny. We should also like to restore Princess Miranda to her rightful throne, make sure the Army of Ninja Meerkats is permanently vanquished, and rid this land of the scourge of the Evil Librarians."
"But I can take you there, in my balloon!" offered the Ambassador, "Would that be agreeable?"
"For sure!" enthused MB, "I have always wanted to go in a balloon..."
"I'm scared of heights," quailed Mystra.
"Nonsense," said Bob the Cow sternly, "Just take another Prozac and try not to think about it."
With that, the Ambassador took something from his rucksack, under the bagette, and began to unfold it and clip bits together. Within moments he had assembled a beautiful red and yellow striped balloon (it matched his top, as Frenchmen are v stylish and understand the value of accessorising), with a basket big enough to hold all of the noble companions (it was quite big, as it had to fit a cow, a horse, and a unicorn, as well as several humans). Our Noble Companions climbed aboard, and the Ambassador lit the flames. Within moments they were floating towards Royaume des F�es, and Bob's destiny...
Where is the Royaume des F�es? What will our Noble Companions find there? Who says "Are those my legs?" You'll have to wait for chapter nine to find out these and other amusing plot twists...