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Ned
The summer is well and truly over, and those with dosh are jetting off to warmer hemispheres. But for those who are cash strapped, why not spend some time this autumn engaging in the pleasures of your homeland?
The Countryside
Why not head to the country if you enjoy the cold, mud and angry farmers? Take a walk in a field, and get some fresh country air, you might be lucky and end up with a bug in your throat, a sloppy bird turd on your head or a wellie full of cowpats. Remember to always close gates and not to drop litter, or angry old men yelling something along the lines of �Aye, yous littal buggas betta run or ole Roddy�s gonna ave some pokin� fun!� whilst chasing you with a pitchfork. You could always visit some quaint little county villages instead, and get bored to suicide by the church fetes and moany old women!
Community Service
This pleasant pastime isn�t just for petty theft convicts but can fill up a dull Sunday afternoon! How about walking around town picking up some rubbish the yobs have left behind, or mucking out your local public toilets? Sure, you�ll run the risk of being pricked with used needles and coming into contact with all kinds of used �unmentionables�, but the feeling of giving will make it worth it. Or what about helping that old lady down the road with her shopping, even if she whacks you with a handbag and screams �I can do it myself you stupid bastard!�
Visit the City
Ah, London. If you want a bit of excitement head to our capital, forget seeing the sights, why not just sample the delights of the city! Take a ride on the tube, try to strike up a conversation with the many commuters during rush hour. Ok, so they�ll put up their newspapers even higher and think you�re a psycho, but it�s got to be done! Feel like a real Londoner and get drunk and then piss all over a tube station. Or you could always go and stalk the stars in their posh houses, and get escorted away by the police or their security!
Motorway Tour
Britain is renowned all over the world for its craptastic motorways, and a tour around them is always fun! The M25 is the gem in the crown of tarmac fun, so why not go round and round all day long like a merrygoround on this landmark? If you get peckish you can stop off at one of the many service stations, where a spotty miserable teen will serve you with mudlike coffee from a machine and a soggy ham sandwhich. The smell of petrol and piss is something everyone has to experience for themselves! Or you could always eat your lunch on one of the many grassy embankments surrounding our roads, but be warned, you risk getting run down by lorry drivers falling asleep at the wheel.