joanne1

   Since the stuff about Joanne is so popular, I figured that I'd fill all of you in on the backstory. One day last year I was standing in line at the cafeteria when I heard Eek the Cat say "Thso howth Joanne?" I wasn't really paying attention and I assumed that Eek was talking to sombody else.
     Let me stop here and explain what I mean by Eek the Cat was talking to me. There are three or four girls in the grade below me that all look alike and all have the same voice. Coincidentally, that voice is also shared by Eek the Cat.
     So, as I said, I ignored Eek and stood there thinking about what I wanted to order. Then I hear it again, only louder and more insistent: "Howth Joanne?" I looked over at one of the Eek's who was looking right at me. I asked her what she was talking about.
     "Joanne." -I just stared blankly at her. "Joanne Brys...?"
     "oh yeah... she's in my gym class... what about her?"
     "You're her fiancee right?"
     "..."   What.... what the hell was she talking about? I didn't know what to say. I just kind of stared at her. Then she filled me in on what I had missed over the last few months.
     Apparently, Joanne liked me in the beginning of the year. And, without my knowledge we started to go out. After going out for three months, I broke up with her to go out with my other girlfriend. (who I don't know anything about either... I just hope she was hot.) But, after a month, I realized that my heart belonged to Joanne and I dumped my other girlfriend. (despite that fact that she may or may not have been hot.)   Then, without my knowledge, I begged Joanne to take me back. And, presuambly, shortly thereafter I asked her to marry me.
     That's what I found out on that day in a nutshell. After Eek got done telling me the story she said, "I guess it isn't true then..."
     "umm.... I guess not" I said.
     The funny thing is that she had been telling people this for a long time and it took forever to get back to me. P.J. had actually said somthing about it maybe two weeks beforehand. He told me that Joanne was trying to tell him that she and I hung out all the time. He said he was "like, riiiiight." because I didn't hang out with many people besides him and JJ at that time. I didn't see why he would make somthing like that up, but I still didn't believe him.
     A few days later, the Eek the cat cult stopped me in the hallway. It was like Eek in surround sound. It was easily one of the most terrifying experiences ever. I didn't know who was talking... I swear that I never even saw a mouth move. It was as though they combined their powers and their collective Eek brain had gotten inside my head.
     "Thso.. Howth Joanne?"
     I just kind of stared at them horrified.
     "Can we borrow your varshity jacket to play a joke on her?"
     "Look, I don't want to ruin your fun, but this girl seems fucked up enough already."
     "Well, aren't you upshet that sheeth tarnishing your name?"
     "I couldn't really care less." With that I ran. I didn't want to spend another second surrounded by the Eeks... But they brought up an interesting question: What do people actually think of me, if they actually believe that I am engaged to the beast that is, Joanne Brys.